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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

The X is Real: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Honeymoon stage is over as Mr Hyde comes to town
Hot and Cold

Jonathan and I had a great weekend together, Friday turned into Saturday. Saturday turned into Sunday. We just hung out at his house, cooking, laughing, listening to music and making love. He’s a man of many talents it’s a wonder that Jackie cheated on him. Neither of us brought up his ex’s voice mail, I guess we didn’t want to ruin a good time.

I kiss him goodbye on Sunday evening. He’ll be out of cell phone range for the next four days until Thursday, working on a new home up in the mountains. But we are getting together Friday night so that won’t be too bad. I’m realizing how much I miss him, his voice, his laugh, his touch. He has touched my heart.

But the drama queen invades my thoughts as it keeps on replaying Jackie’s message in my head like a broken record. Jealousy is raising its ugly head. “Stop it!” I say aloud. I look around, thankfully no one hears me.

Finally, I get a text on Friday: “Hey Hun, miss you”

All those feelings of insecurity vanish. He misses me. Why am I worrying so much? Things are going great. He wants me not her.

“Miss you too, can’t wait to see you tonight” I reply.

“I can’t tonight because we ran into issues at the house so I won’t be back until Saturday afternoon. I’ll make it up to you-can you come over Saturday round 5 and stay the night?”

“Hopefully you can work it out. And yes, I’ll be there.”

“Yeah me too. See you soon.”

“Goodbye,” I say as I look down at the phone. Hmmm…

Saturday I pack my bag and head to his house. It’s been a week but it feels like an eternity since we last saw each other. As I park in his driveway, he comes out to greet me. He opens the car door and helps me out.

“What a gentleman you are,” I say as we kiss.

“I try to be,” he says as he helps me with my bag.

Arm and arm we walk into the house.

“How did it go? What were the problems?” I ask as we walk into the kitchen.

Looking annoyed he proceeds to tell me. “A couple of cabinets were broken, which we didn’t see until after the boxes were opened, missing finished ends, the microwave electrical outlet was in the wrong place and the cabinets didn’t fit the design.”

“That sucks. How did you resolve it?”

He walks over and opens the refrigerator, “Would you like a beer, I’m in need of one” he pulls two out before I have a chance to say yes.

He opens the beers and hands one to me as he guzzles one down. “I had to drive to 30 minutes to town to call Alex the Designer and Lisa the Project Manager, since there isn’t any cell service on or near the property. What a fiasco, but we got it straightened out. I had to videotape the issues and send it to them. Some cabinets need to be re-ordered, the electrician needs to come back out and move the outlet. And I will be heading back up there Monday for the week. But enough shop talk. How are you doing?”

“Life is good,” I say with a smile.

He walks over to me and takes my hand. I put down my beer and follow him. He stops, turns around and starts slow dancing with me.

I just look at him and laugh.

“What?” he asks as he kisses my neck.

“We’re dancing in your kitchen, but I like it.”

“Oh good, because I’m putting the moves on you” he laughs as he spins me around.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Jonathan?”

“Now what makes you think that?” He asks coyly.

I laugh as he dips me. “You’re a man after my own heart.”

“That is the plan”

“Oh really? Hmmm… I like that plan.” I say as we kiss.

As the song ends, his cell phone rings. He doesn’t get it but walks by it. “I’ll let it go to voice mail. I’m going to get another beer would you like one?”

“Yeah sure,” I say as I casually look down at the counter and see the caller is Jackie his ex calling again. Then his house phone rings.

“It’s probably Jackie since she just tried your cell,” I say slightly annoyed.

“I’m going to put a stop to this right now.” He says as he walks over and picks up the phone.

“Hey, why do you keep calling me? It’s over. You cheated or don’t you remember that? What? Who was in an accident? Sam? What happened?”

Jonathan is pacing as he speaks to Jackie. “Okay all right, I’ll be there within a half-hour.” He hangs up the phone and tells me that Sam her son who he helped raise was in a serious car accident. He has to go to the hospital.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry. Do you want me to come with you?” I ask.

“No, but stay here I will be back in a few hours.” He says as he grabs his coat and phone and gives me a kiss goodbye.

“Okay, I’ll stay. Call me and let me know what’s happening.”

He rushes out of the house giving me the thumbs-up sign. I watch him leave. As I walk around the house, a melancholy feeling comes over me. They share a child together? He never told me that. Even though Sam isn’t his biological son he must still feel a close bond to him. That is something I won’t get in the middle of it but I wonder if he told her about us? If not he needs to tell her.

The minutes turned to hours. I’m hungry so I make dinner for us and nibble on some bread and cheese and drink wine while I wait for him to return. It’s 11 o’clock and still no word. I’m not sure what to do. Dinner for one, I sit alone, eating and thinking. His dinner is getting cold so I put it in the refrigerator. The wine has gone to my head and I’m a bit tipsy as I walk to the living room couch with a full glass of wine in my hand. After placing the glass on the coffee table, I throw a few more logs into the woodstove and close the glass door. I look at my phone and see that it’s almost midnight. He hasn’t called and I’m worried. What’s happening? I text him, but no reply.

I’m starting to get fidgety. Being a bit under the influence and being worried is not a good combination. I start to think which is not always a good thing. He said that Tuesday he had to go into town to talk to the designer and project manager, but he didn’t even bother texting or calling me when he had cell service? It wasn’t until Friday, the day we were getting together that he texted me. Hmmm… I take a sip of Riesling, contemplating this revelation.

I lie on the couch with a blanket over me to keep me warm as I watch the flames dance. I look at my phone one last time and it’s 2am. My eyes are getting heavy and sleep is beckoning. Finally, I fall into a restless sleep. I awake to the sun’s rays streaming onto my face. I’m still on the couch but where is Jonathan? As soon as I jump up I grab my throbbing head and walk to the bedroom and open the door. He’s sound asleep, snoring away. He never called or texted me to let me know the situation. And he didn’t even wake me up to come to bed with him when he got home.

I know I could have snuck into bed with him but my annoyance got the better of me. I tiptoed to my stuff, picked them up and quietly left. It wasn’t until 4pm that he called me.

“Where did you go?” I woke up and you were gone! No note-nothing!

I responded: “I could ask the same about you! I waited all night at your house but you never called and then I wake up on the couch and find you in bed! WTF!”

“I don’t know why you are getting so upset? I told you Sam was in a serious accident. I found out at the hospital that he broke five ribs and had a serious concussion. He had to stay overnight for observation. That’s why I didn’t come back.”

I retorted, “I know and I’m sorry about what happened to him, but why couldn’t you call me and let me know? That’s all I wanted. I was worried!”

“I wasn’t thinking about you, okay I was only thinking about Sam. I’m sorry.”

I was speechless. He wasn’t even thinking about me. He didn’t even think to call me and let me know what happened or what he was doing or what time he would be home.

I tried to choose my words carefully, “Why didn’t you wake me when you got home so I could come to bed with you?”

“I was exhausted and you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you and I just wanted to sleep alone.”

His sharp words pierce through my heart.

“I gotta go before I say something I’m going to regret.” I hang up.

Click. At this moment I long for the days when we had real telephones that we could slam down the receiver so the other person knew how we felt. Maybe they should make an end call sound for those occasions!

When I’m extremely mad I either yell or become silent. Today I chose the latter. I refuse to talk until I calm down and think things through. I don’t want to say something that I will regret. It’s just the way I am, but Jonathan is different. He wants to get it out right away, so he proceeds to call me 15 times in a row. His last two calls he leaves three minute incoherent but nasty voicemails and then starts texting me. It’s almost as though he has obsessive-compulsive behavior.

He must be drunk since he is slurring his words. I guess my silence infuriates him but does he have to call so many times and leave nasty messages? WTF is wrong with this dude? Can’t he just leave me alone for a while and then call back and apologize instead of going off on a nutty rant? The honeymoon stage is over-Mr. Hyde has come to town.

 

His Ex: Dating or Whatever We Call It

I’m working on a kitchen remodel when I get a text from Jonathan asking if I would like to come over for dinner and then some…tonight at 7.

I reply “yes. See you at 7. Should I bring anything?”

“Just you and dress warm” he replies.

I smile and text back “Okay just me”.

It’s been a busy day meeting with clients and working on revisions but I manage to leave the office by 5:30. It’s a Friday evening and traffic is crawling so I jump off the highway and take the scenic backroads home. I get home a little after 6 but I manage to shower and get ready in less than 30 minutes. I’m wearing jeans, my black high heel boots and a sweater. I throw on my winter coat, hat and gloves and check myself in the mirror one last time before heading out into the chilly night air.

It’s nippy out in the high 30’s, but it’s a clear night with a full moon casting its light across the dark landscape. I arrive at his house a few minutes after 7. The smell of a charcoal fire is in the air. It smells good. I ring the door bell and he hollers to come in. He’s in the kitchen cooking, cutting up vegetables. U2 is playing in the background on the stereo.

“Wow. A man after my own heart.” I say as I walk over and give him a kiss as I take off my jacket.

He smiles and says “There’s a glass of Merlot for you on the counter. I would get it for you but as you see I’m a bit tied up.”

No worries. I can get it. Hmmm. It looks good-what’s on the menu?” I ask as I walk over to pick up the glass of wine.

“Ribeyes, potato medley and asparagus. I thought we’d grill since it’s a perfect night to watch the stars.

“Oh that’s why you told me to wear warm clothing. Aah. I gotcha. It’s beautiful with the full moon. Can I help? I ask.

“Sure. If you can cut up the onions and peppers? That would be great. Thank you, hun”

My ex and I never cooked together, this is nice. Jonathan is a pro in the kitchen. He gives me a knife and a cutting board. I grab the onions and start peeling them. Right away my eyes start watering.

“I should have worn waterproof eye makeup” I say as tears roll down my face.

“Would you like some goggles?” he asks as he laughs.

“Oh you think it’s funny? I say with a pout. “Yes, please.”

“Do you want me to cut up the onions?

“No I will, I can do this” I say with a smirk.

“I’ll turn on the vent for you”

“Thank you. You’re so kind thinking of me” I say sarcastically.

“You know I always think of you” He says as he helps me put his work goggles on.

“Aah you’re so sweet! What size chunks do you want?”

“Cut the onions and peppers in quarters. and then put them in the tin foil with the potatoes”.

“Okay I can do that” I say as I take a sip of wine before continuing cutting up the vegetables.

Once the vegetables except for the asparagus are in the tinfoil Jonathan drizzles olive oil, and adds salt, pepper, paprika and fresh parsley before wrapping it up tightly.

“I checked the grill and it’s ready to go. We’ll put the potato medley on first since it will take the longest, followed by the steak and finally the asparagus. How do you like your steak?”

“I don’t want it walking nor do I want a hockey puck” I say laughing-“Medium-well please”

He looks at me with disdain. “You know you’re ruining a perfectly good steak?”

“But it’s the way I like it. I used to like it well done so I have improved.”

“Hmmm I’ll try my best to cook it to your liking even though it’s killing me to do so.”

“Thank you” I say as I give him a kiss on the lips. He tastes good. His mouth is warm from the wine.

I help him carry out the food to the back patio where the charcoal grill is. The song Bad by U2 is playing.

“Oh I love this song it’s perfect for tonight with the moon and stars and grilling with you. I love being with you.” I say as I dance to the music.

“It’s a great song” he says as he puts the food on the grill. “And I enjoy being with you too.” He says as we look up at the star lit sky.

A shooting star zips by. “Did you see it?”

“Yea that was cool” He says as he puts his arms around me. He feels good holding me so close as we sway to the music.

We hang out by the fire watching the stars and talking. I never met anyone that could carry a conversation for so long. He has had an interesting life and I love listening to his voice. I could listen to it forever.

Even though it’s cold out we have dinner by candlelight next to the fire.

“You’re an amazing cook. Hats off to the chef.” I say as I toast him.

“Thank you. Is the steak to your liking?” He asks.

“It was cooked perfectly and I must say it’s the best meal I’ve had in a very long time.”

“Good I’m glad you like it”. He says as he gets up to clear the plates.

“Let me help you.” I say as I pick up the dishes and put them on the tray to bring into the kitchen.

As I’m walking into the house, the phone rings.

“I’ll let the answering machine get it” I don’t want to talk to anyone but you right now. He says as he goes to put out the fire..

I smile at him as I walk into the kitchen to put the plates into the dishwasher and clean up.

I hear a woman’s voice speaking. “Hello Jonathan it’s me, Jackie. It’s been a while and I miss you. I miss your voice, I miss your touch. Call me, you know my number. Bye, babe” The way she’s talking sounds more like she’s purring. Her words jar me. So this is the famous girlfriend who broke his heart. Hmmm…

A tinge of jealousy comes over me. It sounds as though she wants him back. I finish putting the dishes away and walk out to the patio.

“Um your Ex left you a message. She misses you…”

He looks up at me and see’s the concern in my face. “Don’t read too much into it, she’s probably drunk. You have nothing to worry about.”

He reassures me but hearing her voice on his answering machine resonates in my head like a broken record, playing over and over again.

“Okay” is all I can say as I walk back into the house.

I know he had a bad break up, she cheated on him and broke his heart but that was a story, but now she’s real and she’s on his voice mail.

What was a wonderful evening has turned into a night of uncertainty. I know he’s says I have nothing to worry about but this nagging in my gut tells me otherwise…

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The Ex and Memory Lane: Dating or whatever we call it

And the waves came crashing down

Jonathan and I have been dating for a few months and things have been progressing smoothly. I find a sunny one bedroom in-law apartment in a contemporary home close to work, which is perfect for me. My ex and I are on friendly terms. All is good. But I do think of him at times of what we had and what we lost.

I have nothing bad to say about him, he’s a great guy, I’m just not marriage material, I’m can’t be who he wants me to me-Donna Reed-the Good Wife, working 9-5 Monday through Friday, vacation twice a year, dinner on the table when he gets home, sex twice a week and to bed by nine. Even though I work for a design firm, I work nights and weekends, when the clients are available. I’m a night owl and rarely have time to make dinner let alone have it ready for when he gets home. I love my work and apparently I can’t have both with him. Why am I the one who had to change? Why couldn’t he?

I want to be with someone who loves me for who I am and what I do. I want to be loved unconditionally with all my faults and I want to love unconditionally. I want someone who loves wild and passionate sex, someone who makes me dinner, someone who wants to travel-see the world (not just when he retires), someone who carries a great conversation, someone who makes me feel alive. What is so hard about that? Does he exist?

My soon to be ex-husband and I are friends. I help him get on Match.com. I write up his profile, take pictures of him and put him in the game. He’s quite the catch-tall, dark and handsome with a great job, a home and money in the bank. He’s every woman’s Prince Charming. He’s a cross between Donny Osmond and Rob Lowe. He’s sure to find a woman who he’s compatible with.

Our divorce is going smoothly, instead of lawyers squabbling over his, mine and ours, we have a mediator. Since I walked away it’s only fair that he gets the house and the furnishings and Mindy, our beloved dog. The horses are mine but he’s letting them stay until the divorce is final. He refinances the house and I walk away with $27,000. After 15 years together, seven years dating, two years living together and six years married-it’s over. All and all it was a safe marriage. I loved him and I wanted a family, something society tells us to do-the fairytale we all grew up on. I desperately wanted a loving family home-one that I was deprived of growing up. My childhood mimicked the movie “The War Of The Roses” I wanted what I did not have or so I thought.

After 5 years or marriage, we were going to have a family. A few months of trying, I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. If it was a boy it would be Joshua Morgan Kennedy and if it was a girl it would be Julia Morgan Kennedy. At twelve weeks we went in for the Ultra-sound but there was no heartbeat. What was supposed to be the happiest day turned out to be the worst. I had a D&C and we never tried again. We found out it was a girl and my heart broke. We never talked about it. I guess that was the start of the unraveling of our marriage. I realized I wasn’t cut out to be a mom or the perfect wife. For years I blamed myself for the loss. I became distant and threw myself into my work. I realized we were not compatible and I needed to be free. I couldn’t live this lie anymore. A child does not fix a broken marriage.

A year later, I remember sitting at my desk at work and saying to myself I just want to find someone to design and build with. This time I wasn’t looking for the fairytale I wanted a partner who wanted the same things I did. A few weeks later I met Jonathan, and that’s when the waves came crashing down.

 

From Friends to Lovers: Dating or whatever we call it

Jonathan and I had a great time in San Diego. We enjoyed each other’s company and had a blast. It was good. We overcame the hurdle of miscommunication and mistrust. A few weeks after we got back, he calls me up on a Friday at 9 pm and asks if I want to come over. Hmm is this a booty call? I think so. What the hell, I tell him I’ll be over in a bit. He gives me his address and we say goodbye. It’s not too far which is good about 15 minutes. 

I jump out of bed, I know Friday night at 9 in bed? Yep, that’s boring old me. I throw some jeans on, a v-cut long sleeve sweater, not too revealing, and high heel boots. I put some makeup on, lipstick and eyeshadow, check myself in the mirror and head out. I don’t want to look to dressed up as though I’m hitting the town. I’m just going over a friend’s house to hang out. 

I arrive at his house around 10. He’s on the porch with a glass of wine in his hand as he walks out to the car to greet me. I get out and we hug. I can tell he’s had a few drinks, maybe that’s why he called me so late? Wine lowers inhibitions. We walk back to the house and sit on the porch. It’s cold but the stars are incredible against the black sky. He offers me a glass of wine and I accept. As I swoosh it around in the glass I look up and he’s watching me. I smile as I sip it. 

“How did you know that I would be available on a Friday night?” I ask coyly.

“I didn’t, but I impulsively called you.” He says smiling back.

“Aah, I’m glad you did” I say as I take another sip.

“We had a lot of fun in San Diego, Remember when we were walking on the beach and those nude guys walked by? He says laughing.

“That was hysterical. You should have seen your face! It was so funny! 

“I wasn’t expecting that at all” And remember when we were driving in La Jolla and we were at the stop light and a bird shit on the bald guy’s head in the convertible next to us?! 

“OMG I forgot! That poor guy! I felt so sorry for him. I wanted to give him a tissue but the light turned green and I couldn’t” I said laughing almost spilling my drink.

We can’t stop laughing. I have to put down my glass as I grip my stomach and wipe away the tears rolling down my face. Jonathan is bowled over as well. After a few minutes of non stop laughing, we shake our heads and laugh again. 

“I can’t take it anymore. My stomach is killing me I say as I get up from my chair. I’m going to pee my pants. I got to go to where is it? I ask.

“It’s down the hall, first door on the left, I’ll show you just in case you get lost I don’t want any accidents on my clean floor” he says as he escorts me through the door laughing. 

“You’re funny, haha”, I say,  As I enter the bathroom, “Thanks, you’ll make a great escort someday.”

“You’re a comedian aren’t you? He says as he laughs. 

“Good thing I wasn’t wearing eye make up I would have looked like Elaine from Seinfeld in the steam” I said as I walked towards him.

“That would’ve been funny, I haven’t laughed this much since San Diego. We have a lot of fun together don’t we? He says as he puts another log in the wood stove. 

“Yeah me too” I need a good laugh”. I say as I curl up on the couch.

“Do you want another glass of wine? He asks.

“Yes, please” as I hold out my glass. 

He pours the wine and then pours himself another as he sits down next to me. It’s quiet for a few minutes as we stare into the fire. It’s a bit awkward, now what? What seems like an eternity he turns to me and leans in for a kiss. I’m taken aback but I kiss him. It’s soft but nice. I open my eyes and I see him looking at me. 

“Hmmm…that was nice and unexpected.” I say as I pick up my glass and take a sip.

“Would you like to do it again?” He smiles as he leans in again for another kiss, this time it’s more than a kiss on the lips. He kisses my neck and nibbles my ear. I roll my head back, it tickles and I almost laugh but I hold it in. From friends to enemies back to friends to …?

He stops and gets up holding out his hand. I take it and he leads me to his bedroom and we make love for the first time. He’s gentle but strong and he knows how to pleasure. Afterwards, we fall asleep in each others arms. We can’t get enough and have sex all night into the early morning. As we lie in bed breathing heavy I say; 

“I think I must have had a dozen orgasms. Boy you’re good” I say as I roll over towards him.

“I try but it’s so easy with you.” He says hoarsely. 

“Hmmm I murmur, I love morning sex” as I kiss him.

He lets out a groan and says “You’re killing me I need some sleep.”

“Okay I’ll let you sleep. I have to get going anyway, It is a work day you know. We’ll have to do this again sometime soon” I say as I get out of bed. 

He mumbles “Yeah”.

I watch him sleep as I get dressed. He looks so peaceful. I would love to stay but I know I will have to leave eventually and this is the best time to leave. I bend over and give him a kiss. He grabs me and starts undressing me. 

“I thought you were exhausted?”

“I am but you can’t leave without morning sex” he says as he kisses me.

I’m putty in his hands, I let him devour me once again…

As I finally say goodbye and walk out the door, a big smile crosses my face. What a night, I say to myself, what a night!

A Do Over: Dating or Whatever We Call It

via A Do Over: Dating or Whatever We Call It

A Do Over: Dating or Whatever We Call It

relationships breakup back together
Any regrets?

As I’m driving back to the hotel, The Dana on Mission Bay, I smile to myself. The last couple of weeks have been torture avoiding Jonathan at work and getting my life together after leaving my husband. All that anger and hurt has dissipated. I’m quick-tempered one of my many faults. Yes, I’m human, but the art of forgiving feels so good. Maybe it’s sunny California, how can I be mad in such a beautiful place? Could this be A Do Over?

After getting back to the hotel room I take a long hot shower, rinsing the salt and sand off my body. I feel refreshed. I pick up my cell and debate whether to call Jon. What the heck. I hit send and it’s ringing, one ring, two rings, three rings, four rings, I’m about to end the call when I hear a breathless voice on the other end.

“Did I get you at a bad time?” I ask.

“No we just got in” He quietly says.

“I was wondering if we could meet and talk?”

“Are you going to throw another drink in my face?” He coolly asks.

“No I promise not to. No drinks. I thought we could take a walk. I found this great hiking trail at  Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve in La Jolla and I think you’ll love it. It’s overlooking the ocean and we can walk down to the beach. How does that sound?”

I hold my breath as there is silence. “Okay” he says “I have to grout my sisters tile bathroom, so how about tomorrow morning about 10?”

“Great! I can pick you up and we can go from there. What’s the address?”

He rattles it off and I quickly jot it down on a piece of paper.

“Okay got it. I’ll see you tomorrow at 10. Thanks. Have fun grouting. Bye.”

As I get ready for dinner. I think about what I’m going to say and I speak into my voice recorder on my phone. I feel as though I’m an actor rehearsing my lines for opening night. This is my final chance to explain and say I’m sorry. The question is will he forgive?

I have dinner at the Firefly out on the patio overlooking the lighted pool. The Short Ribs melt in my mouth-delicious. The Riesling is light, yet sweet, just the way I like it and the  service is impeccable.  I’ll have to Yelp about it and give it rave reviews.  After dinner I walk around the Marina thinking about tomorrow. I’m nervous. I have to get this right. No losing my cool. Hopefully we can just start again.

I wake to the sound of waves on my alarm. It’s 7 am. I stretch and get out of bed. It’s a beautiful sunny day. I decide to take a swim and do some laps to shake the nervousness away. I have it all to myself, aah-heaven.

After a quick breakfast at the Pearl I get ready. I check myself in the mirror one last time before heading out. I find the apartment complex and see Jonathan sitting on a bench. I wave and he walks over.

“Nice wheels” he comments as he gets in. He’s wearing jeans, a T-shirt, a light blue wind-breaker and boat shoes. He looks like he’s going sailing rather than hiking. I bite my lip and say “Looking good kid”.

As we drive we talk about everything except about us. I pay the admission fee at the entrance of the reserve and we drive up to the top of the hill and park.

“Isn’t this beautiful?” I ask as we walk towards the trail.

“Yeah it is” he says as he looks around.

I can’t help it as I say jokingly “Are you going to be okay in those shoes? There’s a lot of slippery spots”. I don’t want you to tumble off the cliff.”

He looks down at his shoes and says with a dig “Yeah just as long as you don’t push me off the cliff I’ll be fine.”

I laugh. “Promise Cross my heart. Scouts honor.”

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Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve

We look at the trail map and decide on taking the Razor Point Trail to the Beach trail and then walk on the secluded Black’s Beach. It’s a beautiful hike through the colorful jagged and worn sandstone cliffs.  Vibrant colors of golds, reds, pinks and cream sandstone create a desert oasis against the back drop of the Pacific Ocean with the rare Torrey Pines dotting the landscape.

All my anxiety is gone. The views are our conversation. It’s nice just to be with him enjoying nature’s paradise. As we near the beach the path becomes narrower as we make our way slowly around the cliff. Jonathan reaches for my hand as we make the final decent to the beach. His hand feels nice in mine.

We take off our shoes and walk barefoot along the water in silence.  Finally I blurt out: “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier that I was married. I guess I wasn’t expecting to have feelings for you. And when I realized that I did I was scared to tell you. And when I did tell you that night you said you couldn’t date someone who was married. Then the next day when I told you I was getting a divorce and you didn’t remember I was in shock. I guess I thought everything would be okay. Jonathan you’re not the reason I left my husband, I needed to be free. It was over before you came into my life. Please understand that.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. I looked at him pleading.

He stops and looks at the waves before looking at me. “I’m sorry too.” I like you but I just got out of a serious relationship and I don’t want to be dragged into someone else’s drama. I have enough of my own. And when you threw that drink in my face I was done.”

“I know.” I say quietly. “Throwing a drink in your face was childish. I was so hurt from your reaction and not able to get through to you. But that is no excuse. After a while I put myself into your shoes and thought about it and I realized I went about it the wrong way.  I can’t do anything about it, but I just wanted you to know. I’m hoping we can be friends and maybe someday more?”

“Friends? Yeah we can be friends. We’ll see how it goes. I can’t make any promises, but” his voice trails off as a naked guy saunters past. “What the…” he says in astonishment.

I laugh as I say “Oh its California you know the land of the free!”

We both break out in laughter. Life is good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should of would of could of: Dating or whatever we call it

via Should of would of could of: Dating or whatever we call it

Should of would of could of: Dating or whatever we call it

IMG_6879I know throwing a drink in someone’s face is not cool, but damn did it feel good, well at least for that second. Reality check, we work together. Even though the design build company is small I avoid Jonathan like the plague. I’m still hurt by his words and lack of remembrance of telling him that I was married. But as the weeks go by I realize that I was wrong in not telling him earlier.

A feeling of remorse takes over as the hurt of rejection subsides. I’m feeling guilty about my actions.  I want to reach out to him but I hold back. Maybe it’s best not to try to start something that never began. Ugh! I realize that we are going to San Diego the same week in December. He’s flying out on Saturday to see his sister and I’m flying out on Tuesday to visit my Aunt & Uncle in Oceanside which is north of San Diego. I booked a couple of days at the Dana on the Mission to relax before I see them. How am I going to enjoy my vacation knowing that Jonathan is in the same vicinity as I am? If I see him should I say hello or ignore him? Am I being over dramatic? I feel a panic attack coming on. Breathe! I tell myself.  I need to stop obsessing and just let it go.

Tuesday: I fly to San Diego via Southwest airlines. Smooth sailing. I have the row all to myself and the window seat. My luck is turning. At the airport I rent a burgundy color Mustang convertible and immediately put down the top. Convertibles are the only way to travel in sunny Cal. After a few wrong turns I finally make it to the Hotel. My room is on the second floor which is the top floor. I quickly change into my bathing suit and head for the hot tub and pool overlooking the marina. Aah this is nice, I say to myself as the jets pulsate my body.  I start to relax and enjoy my freedom. IMG_1170

I stay at the hotel the whole day pampering my body and mind. Just what the doctor ordered: heaven. The following day I drive to Torrey Pines State Reserve to hike and enjoy the beach. It’s gorgeous: Bryce Canyon meets the Pacific Ocean is what comes to mind. I stay the whole day enjoying nature’s paradise, frolicking in the waves, walking on the beach, looking at the hot surfing dudes. Life is good. JUNE TORREY PINES NATURAL RESERVE

It’s getting late and I’m famished so I pack up and head back to the hotel. As I’m driving through La Jolla I see a guy who resembles Jonathan. He’s walking a dog with a blond woman beside him. I’m at a red light and I impulsively yell his name. He looks around, I yell it again. Finally he sees me. I hold my breath. Is he going to ignore me? Tell me to fuck off? Not sure, but he acknowledges me with a wave. I smile and nod as the light turns green.

 

 

 

The Night After​: Dating or Whatever We Call It!

A few minutes after 8pm Jonathan arrives in his 1984 black Corvette to pick me up. We had plans to go away for the weekend but now plans are up in the air. I’m still reeling from our earlier conversation or lack of. I get in and we drive off.

We chit-chat about nothing, apparently, that is the best course of action since neither of us is looking for a car fight. Intervals of silence permeate the uncomfortable air. We head to a local bar, where voices can’t be raised in public. We find a corner table which has privacy.

After ordering drinks, he says: in a low voice: “After all these months of talking you never mentioned you were married. If I saw a ring on your finger I would have kept it professional.”

“You’re right I didn’t. I keep my business and private life separate. The only person who knows I’m married is Amy. My marriage has been over for a long time. We have drifted apart. It wasn’t until yesterday that you and I talked about our intimate lives.

“But you should have said something. I like you but I can’t do this. I just got out of a serious relationship and I don’t want to be the one who breaks up a marriage. I can’t be responsible for that!”

“You’re not responsible Jonathan! This is my decision! My marriage has been over for a really long time before I even met you. Last night you and I talked about everything. I told you I was married and you said you can’t be in a relationship with someone who is married. I don’t believe in cheating and that’s why I told my husband I want a divorce.”

I look at him searching his eyes, looking for comprehension.

“I really like you”, he starts to say but we’re interrupted by the waitress who is giving us our drinks.

“Michelob for you” As she hands it to Jonathan and Lemon Drop for you.  Do you need anything else?” The waitress asks?

“No we’re all set, thank you” I respond.

After she leaves I take a sip of my drink as I gather my thoughts.

“I don’t remember you telling me you’re married” he again says.

I feel like shaking him so he remembers. I can feel my blood pressure rise as my heart races.

Trying to be calm, cool and collected I say: “I told you last night I feel like a broken record. I’m getting a divorce with or without you! This is not about you! You’re not responsible okay? I used you as an excuse but I need to be free of him! Don’t you get that?”

“This is just way to complicated. I like you a lot but I can’t do this with you! I’m sorry” He says.

I’m livid!

“So you are just going to throw away something that could be the best thing for both of us?” I retort!

“I can’t be with you! Don’t you get that? Our so-called relationship is based on lies!” He yells!

I glare at him! I jump up and my grab my purse.

“I can’t believe you are throwing us away over a misunderstanding! Know what? I’m done. I don’t need this. Thank God I know what a Limp Dick you are! Don’t follow me. I’ll take a taxi home! I say as I throw my drink in his face!

I can hear him swearing as I rush out. I head to the ladies room and call a taxi. My body is shaking as I come to the realization that my life is in shambles.

Crossing The Line: Dating or Whatever We Call It

 

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