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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

Month

August 2012

They: Who the hell are they and why are they so important?

A very popular online dating site is running commercials stating that 1 in 5 relationships start on their site. Hmmmm…. How do they really know that? Did they survey every single person on this planet aka Earth and ask how they met their significant other? Did they poll a number of people in the U.S? Did they poll only those on their site? I would like to know where they are getting their information? As we all know polls are statistics and can favor anything.  They can be skewed to favor what they want us to believe. Are we all suckers?

Let’s break down what 1 in 5 really equals. If 5 is 100% then 1 is 20%. 20% of people polled said that their relationships started on this online dating site.  However, 80% (over 3/4), met their significant other somewhere else. 80% is the majority. When you think about it-20% doesn’t sound that important. Anything over the majority would sound believable and could be taken seriously.

Why do they think we are ignorant? Are people watching to many reality shows? Are we in technology overload? Is this turning our fragile brains into strained carrots?

Who are they and how do they know? Are they more believable than you, me and I? Apparently they back up our stories, tales we weave. They lend credibility to what we are saying. They are our allies. They are our friends.

Can they match that?

Do they know how to match?

Texting aka NO Tongue For YOU-Why bother having one?

What is up with the Hynes Bridge detour signs in Amesbury/Newburyport? It should be called: Can’t get there from here. Whom ever put those signs up was having a little fun, at my expense. They were actually saying: I don’t want you to get where you are going which is right here so I am going to make it as complicated as possible for you to get there. I was so close but so far. :) Oh man! Have mercy on me now! LOL!!!

But apparently it didn’t matter because when one uses texting as a form of the only communication (men of a certain age under 56), lines get crossed and yada yada yada you know what happened with this story… What could have been a great, fun day turned out to be…NOT!!!…So boys & men if you are interested in me call me with your vocal chords…it’s very simple…When I call you to let you know that I’m on my way but have been detained due to a detour, call me back!!! My number shows up on your cell as missed call-voice mail. You know we have plans check the Gosh Darn phone! (I’m being polite for all those god fearing people out there).

Then I don’t have to wait around for hours at the place we are meeting (Not Your Average Joe’s in Newburyport, MA) thinking you blew me off. As steam or is it smoke? starts to come out of my ears and I’m getting very annoyed. Patience is not a virtue of mine. Have you figured that out yet?!

I’m thinking; “How dare you blow me off! You haven’t even met me yet, blow me off after you meet me!” So after a few drinks I start to rattle off nasty texts that I don’t mean because I’m mad at you. You get my point? Why is this so complicated? Life was so much easier before texting became the only form of communication.

I don’t want to be in a drama movie…LOL! I feel like Kramer: SERENITY NOW! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The waiting game

 

What was I thinking? A guide to online dating

"Tied Up"My observation regarding online dating. The only difference between online dating and a prostitute is that you are more likely to get something from a prostitute.

If you are into S&M then online dating is for you.

If you are in jail and have nothing else to do online dating is for you.

If you are an introvert, afraid of meeting people face to face, afraid of the phone aka using your vocal chords online dating is for you.

If you enjoy being lied to, stood up, blown off, online dating is for you

If you enjoy mind games, head games then online dating is for you

If you enjoy endless emails aka pen pals then online dating is for you

If you enjoy being viewed then online dating is for you

If you enjoy being hit upon then online dating is for you

What’s the difference between a man and ET? ET phoned home. Now guys if you don’t want drama don’t create drama. If you say you’re gonna call or want to get together…Do what you say..Don’t lie by blowing/standing us up. Honesty goes a long way. Women don’t want to hear your excuses why you couldn’t make it…The dog ate my cell phone. I got tied up and…I understand there are a few exceptions to the rule; you were kidnapped, in jail (no phone privileges), hit your head & have amnesia, stranded on a deserted island w/o cell service. I get it. As I said our time is just as important as yours so have a little R E S P E C T !!! BTW: The least you can do is call- I’m sorry goes a long way. Is it clear enough to the boy who cried wolf? NEXT! SERENITY NOW! Just the Scorpio in me!

PrinceCharming666: Boy from NYC-Online dating saga continues

Image
Look ma no hands!
PrinceCharming6666/11/2012 6:24:41 PM

Hello,

You have a great profile. I actually read the (w)hole thing. And since you have a pretty face and body to match the brain, I felt compelled to say hello. I should mention that I love the art of french kissing. I would love to explore it with you for certain! So write back. :)

   

  HotChild2012

6/11/2012   7:31:09 PM

Hello Prince Charming,

Am I your Cinderella (before she turns into a bitch)?   I’m glad you enjoyed my ramblings. It’s my observations of my experiences  with online dating. I am writing a comical book based on my profile; SNL meets Jerry Seinfeld. Kudos to you to be able to differentiate between hole and whole and know (not no) what it means! I read your profile and we are both exasperated with the so-called humans on Plenty of Freaks. Has Reality TV turned their brains to mush? As Pablo Picasso said “computers only give you the answers.” You are not the only man who has commented on the kissy face-I think that it is the biggest complaint about women on this site. The reason could be that they watch too many shows such as The Fake Housewives of Loserville. The Fish/Duck/Pucker face is the norm and since TV has replaced parents this is what they think men like. Marilyn Monroe could do it but not many women can. Yes I would love to practice the art of French kissing with you. When are you available?  I am Jackie by the way and you are?_____________________(this is where you insert your first name)

 

      PrinceCharming666

6/11/2012   7:43:50 PM

I can also differentiate between “your” “you’re” and “yore”. Just wanted to get that in there because there are precious few these days who actually can. The duck-facers certainly are on this site in droves and it’s actually quite depressing – well more nauseating than anything really.

I’m available to french kiss you seductively and teasingly on weekends if that works for you. My tongue eagerly awaits the introduction to yours. I think you’ll like what you see, taste and feel. – Geoff

          PrinceCharming6666/11/2012 7:45:46 PM

Oh, and to answer the question in your headline – yes, I do  want to play with you (for real). I’m a sucker for a woman who looks hot in a bikini. Tell me it’s a thong bikini (even if it isn’t. Why ruin my dream?)

HotChild20126/11/2012 8:20:40 PM

“He was a good little monkey and always very curious”…. Curious George

Is it a thong? It’s your fantasy. It’s whatever you want it to be or not to be.     I do like what I see in the clear blue sea. Taste? Can I taste you? Is it the salt from…Feel you…touch you? Hmmmm…

6/11/2012 8:24:03 PM

Since it’s my fantasy than it is a g-string and high heels. Or better yet, thigh-high stripper boots. Yes, that will do. All senses are open for exploration. I can never say no to a woman with a pretty face and loooooong legs.

HotChild20126/11/2012 8:32:47 PM

Well then you are in trouble!By the way how did you find me so far away from home? And how would you like to find me again?

– J

6/11/2012 8:37:22 PM

You came up in a search for some reason… I expanded the mileage since the ny area is so full of duck facers…I would love to see you again in my bed but that’s not happening tonight. So how about we talk on ya hoo messenger? Or Skype?

 HotChild2012

6/11/2012 8:41:33 PM

Well my email is FantasyLive@yahoo.com if you would like to chat that way. I don’t have Skype. I will be in your dreams and maybe someday in your bed.  Have pleasant dreams and don’t forget to close your eyes.

-J

          PrinceCharming666

6/11/2012 8:51:16 PM

I’m having pleasurable day dreams already thinking of your french-kissing prowess. How I just adore a flickering tongue. Sigh… I digress…I sent you a message to your ya hoo account. Check your spam if  you don’t see it…

 HotChild2012

6/11/2012 9:36:25 PM

I saw & I replied. Not Spam I am, yet.

Silly conversations with men & my observations about online dating

ImageHere’s a conversation I had with a guy recently and it went like this:

Me: “You’re like God. The first 4 days you ride your bike, the 5th day you go to the gym and the 7th day (Sunday) you rest. But what do you do on the 6th day?”

Him: “It’s a secret!”

Me: “Well I will have to ask God about that! Because, God spelled backwards is Dog. And dog is man’s / wo-mans (woman’s) best friend and she will tell me because women can’t keep secrets for more than 32 minutes!”

************

I saw this on the Internet (no author) and I put it into my HotChild2012 profile because men like to laugh and they like women who have a sense of humor: “This note was on a restaurant door: “We are closed due to short staff” Then someone wrote underneath it: “Hire taller staff cuz I want a taco.”

**************

My observations: Men & women are like socks. They are great as a pair, but once you wash them they never appear together again. Eventually you find a sock attached to something else-just like the demise of a relationship.

**************

Humor lets our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route.

**************

I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up & some from known & unknown

************

Chatting on-line is equivalent to chatting with a stranger on the street. We may say hello & chat, then go our separate ways, never our paths to meet again. If I don’t respond to you it means I’m not into you. Don’t keep on writing or write nasty notes to me. Hey kids can’t we all play in the same sandbox? Geeze Louise!!!!

LOL…:-)

Date with TallSouthernBoy: Is he as good in real life as he is on paper?

I’ve been chatting via email, texting & sexting with Aaron aka TallSouthernBoy for over a month now. I have yet to converse with him via vocal chords. I find this unsettling because I always conjure up images in my head about the guy and how his voice resonates. And when I finally meet him my fantasies come crashing down. The human voice seals the deal. He could be the greatest guy but if his voice irritates my senses (finger nails on a black board) then I can’t get past that. My sensitive ears and soul oh my. I am rambling must get back to the date with Aaron.

He texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him in Boston at a new hip restaurant. I agreed. Since he doesn’t have a car, I would drive into Cambridge and park at Alewife, take the Red Line to Park then the Green line to Copley. As the day approached I felt like a  school girl getting ready for her first date.

My friend Chloe, a hair stylist gave me a great cut. Since Aaron’s favorite turn on is thigh high black nylons I went to Macy’s to get a few pairs (runs are common so one must get more than one for that just in case). I was meeting him at 7 pm and it was already 5 pm. Okay one more glance in the mirror-You look smashing-go get him.

Of course best laid plans always go off with a hitch. I breezed right into Cambridge but it became a parking lot a 1/4 mile from Alewife. It took me almost a half hour to park-I could have walked. Found a place to park and ran to the train. Apparently MBTA decided to make my life a little more complicated-No more people at the ticket counter-machines only. Ugh. I just want a token to get me on the damn train. Nope machine is being difficult. 10 more minutes pass. It’s close to 6:30. My phone is ringing-its Aaron I answer and I hear his voice for the first time. It’s soothing to the ears-phew. He just got to the restaurant and wanted to know my ETA. Hopefully 7 I hear myself saying as long as the trains behave.

Famous last words. I get on the RedLine and it stops for 10 minutes in the middle of nowhere. I finally get to the Green line and apparently I am on the wrong side of the tracks. I race to the other side (heels were not made for running the 100 yard dash) and get on the overcrowded sardine train.

Arriving to my destination at 7:15, I see Aaron sipping wine at a table. He looks around and sees me and smiles. He stands up yes he is quite tall 6’4″ could be a little taller due to the cowboy boots he is wearing.  We size each-other up. He has gained about 40 pounds of fat (his pictures are of a sexy athletic man). He’s growing some kind of fuzzy beard. He reminds me of John Adams (the President). Okay. Maybe I can get past this-since he’s quite intelligent and sexual.

We hug and sit down. He asks me if I would like a glass of wine and I order a Riesling. We chat for a bit. It’s apparent he is an  arrogant son of a bitch. He’s talking about how Americans don’t appreciate Architects and he has to go abroad to South America because Americans can’t afford him.

I have this feeling of throwing my glass of wine in his face and walking out but I refrain. I am famished and drinking wine on an empty stomach is making me light-headed. He asks if I’m hungry-I tell him that I’m famished. “There’s a great little pub around the corner that serves great home style food” he tells me (the one good thing he has told me all night).

I smile and tell him that sounds good. Let’s go. We walk a few blocks to the pub making small talk along the way. Dinner is uneventful he talks more about himself and my mind starts to wonder. Finally dinner is over. He asks me if I want to see his projects at his apartment which is a block from here. Instead of saying what’s on my mind, I tell him yes.

He pays for dinner and we leave. I would like to leave without him as well. But I did spend 2 hours getting here I might as well try to enjoy myself. Maybe his projects are worth it. We arrive at his studio apartment and he shows me his designs & prototypes.  Interesting but useful? Hmmmm. The jury is still out on that.

Then he turns around and kisses me. My eyes are closed (I can’t bear to open them) and we kiss. I’m thinking of his pictures he was eye candy-so cute. Maybe just maybe he is a good kisser?

Nope. He kisses like a dog at the kitchen table aka the wet kiss and the limp tongue aka the dead fish. I open my eyes and see him for what he really is. I can’t do this. I push him away and put on my coat and tell him thanks for the evening but I have to go. I literally run out the door. I felt as though I had a panic attack-I couldn’t breath.

I’m on the redline heading back when he texts me and asks me what is wrong. I contemplate what to say. Finally I text him back. Oblivious to my surroundings I look up. The train has stopped and it is void of people. I’m dressed in my long red coat, black dress, and heels. I have my new cell phone in my left hand as I peer out of the train. All of a sudden the doors close on me and my cell phone drops from my hand. I kick it with my left leg-it reaches safety away from the tracks.

A passerby comes to my rescue. I ask him to retrieve my cell phone for me. He picks it up and puts it back in my hand.  I am still stuck in the door flailing about (half in half out) what a sight I must have been. Finally the doors open-I am free. Being stuck in the door was the highlight of my bad date. It was the funniest thing that happened to me all night.

LMAO

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