I am still reeling from the conversation with Justin a few days ago. His words still ring in my head like a broken record: “Summer is coming and if an opportunity presents itself I am taking it.” I need to talk to my friends about it. I will post the following question on FakeBook: “I am dating a guy that I really like who tells me he doesn’t want a commitment. What should I do?”
My friends answer the question. A few say he might be scared, just give it time, others say cut him loose because you want more than he can give you-a few likes with that one register from other friends. A close friend said give it 3-4 months. She says; “Just have fun-enjoy each other. He will come around.”
Justin befriended me on FakeBook and saw the post. He’s livid. He rattles off texts to me. “How dare anyone give advice that they have no clue too?” I tell him no one knows who he is. I posed a question asking for advice from my friends on my wall. He is letting off steam. He says I should give it 3-4 months before jumping ship.
I know it’s only been 3 weeks that we have been dating. Rationally I know this isn’t much time. Why am I so hurt by the fact he doesn’t want to date me exclusively? Pride? Ego? From the moment I saw him I fell for him-at least sexually & physically. I’ve dated over 30 guys in the last 1.5 years and it’s always been NEXT! I am very choosy whom I date. I didn’t want a commitment-just casual dating.
All of it changed when I met Justin. I finally meet the guy that I can envision in my life for more than a few dates. His affection towards me is real-I know that-I can feel it. He acts like he really likes me and he tells me he likes me a lot. We talk about doing things in the future. I am confused.
His words haunt me. How can I have fun knowing he is going to dump me for someone else?
Justin and I have been dating almost a month. When we are together we have a blast. It’s Friday night and he is heading to my house from work. I open the door and he gives me a bear hug and a kiss. I melt. He is so affectionate.
“Are you hungry?” I ask as I lead him to the kitchen.
“Starving.” He says.
“You are going to help me make dinner. Can you handle that?” I say smiling.
“I think I can. You just tell me what to do and I will do it.” He says with a grin.
He is so cute with those laughing eyes.
We make Chicken Paprika which is chicken, sautéed onions, sour cream and lots of paprika over rice. It’s quite easy to prepare and delicious. My sister Ava joins us for dinner and we sit for hours talking and drinking wine.
After dinner we make a fire and listen to music and dance. The way he looks at me I feel as though he is looking deep into my soul. It’s a little un-nerving. I am starting to let him in-my walls are coming down. But apparently all is not rosy on the home front…
The next day as he is leaving to go home we start talking about relationships. He motions me to sit on his lap and I say: “If you ever want to get rid of me cheat on me.” Apparently those words didn’t register because as he is getting into his truck he says:
“Summer is coming and if an opportunity arises I will take it”.
I am floored. Didn’t what I just say to him register at all in his brain?
“What does that mean?” I asked searching his face for an answer.
“It means that I am not ready to be in an exclusive relationship.” We’ve only known each other a few weeks.” He counters.
I am speechless. I shake my head. I can feel the tears welling up and I walk away. I can hear him call after me;
“Doesn’t mean that I will. l am just saying”. I can hear the truck door close and I hear him pulling out of the driveway.
My heart is breaking. Here he is telling me that he really likes me a lot and the way he is so affectionate with me I know he cares deeply and then he tells me this. I can’t figure him out…
I was told by my past two lovers that I couldn’t handle relationships. Well they are wrong. Apparently they have no clue about a girl and her horse (s). I just spent the last hour out in the field in this f’in 95 degree heat adding new pasture so my horses could graze on real lush grass (Star & Locket are 13+ years-had Star since she was 2 months and Locket since she was 1.5 years old). What we do for our horses! If men only knew our commitment! Ha!
Lesson learned: When someone says let’s just be friends translation he/she met someone else. It also means I really don’t want to be friends with you I’m just saying it to let you down easy and be nice. When in reality that is a lie. Here’s my advice don’t say it if you don’t mean it. Don’t say anything nice at all-just say goodbye…The End
If you want to see the Scorpio come out in me just lie to me. Everything you said to me – was that just a lie? Trust is earned it’s not given…Lessons learned…
PS. It takes me a while to let go of the pain…I will eventually get back to the even keel. I will get there. What you call weird is just me lashing out because I allowed you in and I allowed myself to get hurt…
Justin and I have been dating 3 weeks. We talk on the phone or text every day. Our 4th date is coming up. Originally he told me he wasn’t ready for me to meet his daughter apparently she didn’t like anyone he brought home. He didn’t want to deal with it. Things changed on the day we were getting together. A few hours before we were to meet he calls and leaves a message asking me to meet at his house. His 16 yr old daughter needs a ride to work. This way we have an unlimited amount of playtime. Yes I like this plan much better. I call him back and he tells me to bring my overnight gear. Hmmm…I like it a lot…
At 3 pm I arrive at his house and his daughter Julia answers the door. She is stunning just like her dad. She is a cool kid. I like her. “He’ll be right down” She says as she leads me to the living room. Justin saunters in. He is so handsome: Tall, chiseled, masculine. He gives me a bear hug and leans down to kiss me, smiles and says hello. I smile up at him.
“Julia are you ready?”
“Yep” Julia says.
“Let’s go” Justin says.
He drives a truck so I let Julia sit next to her dad. After we drop her off at work, we go to Mel’s Fun Park. We ride the Go-Karts – I leave him in the dust and then we play mini-golf. Very close game. Granted it took us a little longer because we were all over each other. He won by 3 strokes. It was fun to be silly and not have a care in the world.
“Are you hungry?” He asks me.
“Starving” I tell him.
“There is this pub with outdoor seating that we could go to?”
“Sounds good let’s go.” I say.
The meal isn’t anything special but being with Justin is. He is so affectionate. He has this habit of leaning over and kissing me. No matter where we are-he is so attentive. I love it. And when he looks at me with those hazel eyes I just melt. He is beautiful.
We get back to his place close to midnight. I have had a little too many drinks. We say good night to his daughter and her friends and head to the bedroom which is right off the living room/entry. He tells me we have to be quiet. I feel that we are the kids.
It’s hard for me to not be vocal especially when I am with a hot guy. I put my arms around him and we passionately kiss. He nibbles my ear, my neck and my breasts; suckling each until they are hard mounds. I feel my heart racing and I let out a moan. “Shhhh” he says. I can’t help it-he feels so good. I bite my lip and hold my breath.
He backs me to the bed and I instinctively sit. He kisses my stomach and then he pleasures me for hours. I am so wet. He makes me come so many times. He is an amazing lover one of the best that I have had. We are both drenched but it feels so good as he puts his arm around me and holds me close as we drift off to sleep.
The next morning I wake up and he still has his arm around me. I turn and look at him. He opens his eyes and I smile. I tell him “I had this amazing dream-it was so real-we were doing a 69”. He smiles at me and says; “it was real-we did do it.” Then I remember and I laugh.
We start to kiss and I can feel him getting hard-morning sex-the best kind. I need no lubrication I am ready for him. He feels so good in me. He is just about to come when his daughter knocks on the door. She asks if she can take his truck to work. He tells her ok. Oh Man-getting caught by his daughter. We try it again, but she knocks again. Hmmm…I think she knows…
We hang out for the rest of the day, just chilling. We watch Eric Clapton Live and Running on Faith is playing. I am sitting on the couch and he walks up to me and puts out his hand-“Dance with me” He says. We slow dance in his living room. My head comes up to his chin. He holds me close and then I put my head on his chest and we dance. He is so tender. I am falling for him.
I drop him off at his daughter’s work so he can get his truck. He comes back to the car and I get out. We are standing behind my car on the main street. He gives me his bear hug and holds me for what seems to be eternity. I never want him to let me go. As we kiss-I want him again.
After I leave I meet my girlfriend Andrea at Martha’s and we have dinner. I look down and I see a text from Justin: It says: Hope u made it home safe & sound. I really enjoyed our time together. :^)
In my online dating profile I disclose that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am leaving New England soon to follow my heart to Oregon. It’s right there in black & white. When I favored Justin on the online dating site I wasn’t expecting him to follow up so quickly with a “Hi.”
We exchanged a few emails and then I gave him my cell number. My motto is let’s meet in the flesh. I want to hear his laugh, his voice; I want to see if he is everything he says he is on paper.
I wasn’t expecting to fall for him so quickly. It wasn’t my intention-just casual dating. We just had the best 3rd date ever, spending 24 hours together. He is so attentive-what a wonderful lover. I love being with him. I affectionately call him my CLF: Confidant, Lover, & Friend. My walls are coming down.
Of course it’s inevitable something always gets in the way-the obstacle that we must overcome. I call him on his way to work a few days later. He must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed because he starts in on me regarding Oregon.
“Are you really going to Oregon?” He asks.
“I don’t know. It all depends on where we are when my dad’s house sells.”
“I don’t want to fall for you and then you leave me. I’ve been down that road before and I don’t want to go there again.” I can hear the agitation in his voice.
I try to calm him.
“Justin I really like you. I wasn’t expecting too. My sister Ava says I would be a fool to leave you for Oregon.”
“She did?” He asks.
“Yeah. It’s just like Bob Seger’s song Tomorrow: “I can’t promise you tomorrow no one has the right to lie. Have you heard it?”
“No.” He says.
“Can’t we just have fun and enjoy each other in the moment and get to know each other? I ask.
“I guess you’re right. We don’t even know each other…” His voice trails off.
“Are we okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. I just pulled into to work. Talk to you later.”
“Okay” I say.
I am uneasy. The big white elephant is staring us right in the face. I can feel that this is not going to be the last of this conversation. Justin is brooding. The Scorpio in him will not let it lie…
It’s the 3rd date rule apparently, to ask about the X’s. Find out about his/her past. Is he/she commitment material? Well Justin has had a number of X’s. Hmmm…Not sure if that if a good sign or not? Relationships that lasted from 1 month to a few years. Some ended badly others he is now friends with. A number of his x’s he is friends with. Hmmm…
On our second date I asked him (a little ditty I made up).
“If I choose to love only you
Is your heart free to love only me?”
He thought about it for a moment and then said he has love in his heart for others but he is not looking to get back with them. I wanted to know if I should let my walls down and let him in…I suppose his answer was truthful.
I am not jealous…I don’t feel threatened…but one woman in particular-Amanda, I know he still has feelings for. They were together for 9 months but she felt they couldn’t live together or have a future together…They are extremely close even now…Hmmm…
I on the other hand had a one night stand that lasted 15 years; my x husband. I had 2 FWB aka Friends with benefits or no strings attached relationships one lasted 4 years the other 7 plus years. Those did not end well. I’ve dated many men; I call them “One date wonders”. NEXT! I am extremely choosy on who I let into my life. I am done settling.
I really like Justin, I could see myself with just him. But is he long-term? He seems to end relationships quickly. I don’t know…When the going gets tough is he the type that gets going? His relationships are windows to his soul. I am a little uneasy…
“I’m starving. Let’s get a bite to eat.” Justin says as he’s zipping his jeans. “I thought you had plenty to eat” I said laughing. He wraps his arms around me, kisses me and smiles.
I take him to Bailey’s and we order lunch. “If we get to the gift giving stage I know exactly what I am getting you.” He says as he holds my hand. I am tingling. I still can’t get over how attentive he is. He leans towards me and says “kiss me”. I do. It’s nice. His hazel eyes look through me and I melt.
“And what are you going to get me?” I ask. “You will find out”…
That night after we graze the horses, he meets my sister, Ava. We all converse on an intellectual level. Good looks, a brain and very affectionate. A girl could get used to this. I notice that if I stand away from him he comes over and stands very close to me. I like him invading my space…I feel secure with him.
It’s getting late. We say goodnight to Ava and I lead him once again to my bedroom. I put my arms around him and we kiss. He feels so good. His body is soft and tender yet masculine. I love how he touches me.
I want him-I am so wet I can barely contain myself as I take off his clothing. He looks at me and I melt. His hard cock is perfect as I take him all in…I come so many times. He’s an amazing lover.
As I lie next to him after our tepid love-making he strokes my face and I smile. He looks at me. Jane has met her Tarzan…