Big M is a small time Actor/Stuntman/Cowboy/Moto dude. He’s  gone from doing all right in Hollywood to living in a Van. He is one of the many thousands of past celebrities, once famous who are now on the edge of darkness. He does have a Facebook page with 1000’s of followers but no one except his closest friends and family actually know his downward spiral. Many friends have abandoned him in his hours of need.

What did I get myself into? Does misery love company? It’s apparently following me on my journey. Online dating sites present our best faces. How wonderful we are, our dreams, our hopes, our wants, our desires and who we are looking for. Can you imagine if we all told the world what we are really like? The Good, the Bad and the Ugly? Would anyone want us?

Big M lied, plain and simple. Instead of telling me his true predicament, he masked it as any Actor would. He asked me today if I knew about his situation before I met him would I have come? In all honesty, no I wouldn’t have driven 17 hours to meet him. I would probably have friended him online and if I was in the area I might have met him.

Does that make me a shallow person? I do have compassion and have helped many friends over the years when they were down and out. I have been down on my luck and I have had friends who’ve abandoned me in my time of need. I do care for him. He has so much potential still left, but he is lost amongst his own destructive behavior.

We are together 24/7 forced by circumstances of compassion and guilt.  I feel as though I’m on a Reality Show. It’s almost like the movie Down & Out in Beverly Hills. I want to try to help him get back on his feet but is he willing to help himself?

“If there is a will there is always a way, but if there is no will, there is only delays.” – ME.

First thing is to get his stuff out of his ex girlfriends storage unit in Encinitas. She’s been obsessively calling and texting him. 28 missed calls, 21 text messages. We leave his van at Von’s parking lot, his home before he met me and drive an hour south following the Pacific Coast Highway. If we are going to do work we might as well enjoy the beautiful scenery on the way.

San Clemente Pier, CA
San Clemente Pier, CA

We have lunch at the Fishermen’s  on San Clemente’s Pier and then walk hand in hand on the beach. We are having a wonderful time, bonding.  It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon. Well when is the sun not shining in full force in southern California?

He sees some guys playing frisbee. He wants to play, the kid in him runs and catches the frisbee as it’s heading towards him. He then whips it to the other guy. They exchange pleasantries and he comes back to me with a big grin on his face. At 56, he’s still a child in an adult’s body, I do love that. I wonder however, if the Peter Pan syndrome will tear us apart?

We head to the storage unit and we talk to the manager. There is a storage unit available a few doors down from his current unit. We look at it, it’s a 5×10 which is bigger than his current 5×5 space he has now. I end up paying for 6 months which comes out to close to $700. He’s desperate and I have inheritance money so I can help him. Do I have Sucker written all over me?

His pain in his neck is killing him. How convenient. I tell him to take the car and get some pain killers and do the errands he has to do. I will start moving his stuff while he’s gone. Boy he has a lot of memories stored in the unit: trophies, buckles and photographs from rodeo and motocross days. Dvd’s and tapes of his stuntman/Acting auditions along with photographs of his modeling days.

Cowboy days
Glory days

Wow he really had a wonderful life. So sad it has come to this…

I find the strength to move just about everything over by the time he gets back. He’s amazed at my organizational skills. I remind him that my car is packed perfectly for all my needs for my 6 month journey. He laughs then hugs and kisses me.

He goes through his stuff and goes down memory lane, telling me of his work on past movies and commercials. His face becomes alive and animated from his glory days. For a moment he forgets his situation and revels in all the good that has been bestowed upon him.

He lives in the past because the present is too painful. My heart goes out to him