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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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Experiences

The Online Dating Profile Revisited: Dating or Whatever We Call It.

When it comes to online dating you must ask yourself what do you want and who do you want from the experience. If you want to be successful with online dating you have to shake things up, starting with a great User Name and headline. I made up the name HotChild2012 from the song Hot Child in The City which many people remember and it was the year I started this dating blog.

A catchy username/headline is the same as going to the library, or renting a movie, and going through hundreds of titles until one piques your interest. You stop and look at the picture(s) on the front and back cover, then you read the summary or the first page. If all three interest you, you read it and or watch it.

Pictures tell a 1000 words but words help create the fantasies. Pictures and words together are like the pop up books we had as kids. As you turn the page the picture pops up creating a 3D effect and an unexpected wow factor which keeps us wanting more.

Creating the perfect written profile takes imagination. It should show who you are in a playful manner. Write from your heart, but don’t write a tear jerker. No one wants to hear about your troubles and your woes. Everything can have a positive spin. Humor is life’s antidote. Watch the comedians George Carlin, Robin Williams, Steven Wright, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and look how they take something serious and poke fun at it. It can be down right funny. We need humor in this day and age of the orange top dictator on the reality show: Who’s Coming to Dinner at the White House?

Bahamas riding
Love riding horses on a tropical beach

 

Pictures: Should be clear not blurry preferably not with other people. This confuses us; is that your wife, husband, lover? Crop them out. Also put recent pictures up, showing what you look like now, not from 20 years ago. There should be a few close ups showing your smile and your eyes, for those are the windows to your soul. There should also be pictures of your full body not pornographic but tasteful and fun. If you are a hiker post a picture of you hiking, if you sail show a picture of you on a sailboat and so on. Show them who you are and what you like to do.

Change the order of your pictures and add or delete them. Each time you change something in your profile it refreshes it and more people look at it. Always show your best picture first this is what draws them in, followed by the 2nd and 3rd best since everyone clicks on the pictures first.

The following is my written profile: I tell them who I am with humor. There are some serious undertones but the humor masks it and makes them laugh and they message me.

My self-summary

Heading to check out the coast of Washington. This free spirit is On The Road Again but not with Willie. Writing about her adventures on the road less traveled.

Does anyone remember laughter?
Where’s that confounded bridge?
Who’s rowing today Jimmy?

Who said that? From what songs? And what albums? You’ll earn gold stars for all the correct answers.

Re: FWB’s read down:

As Mr. Big says to Carrie: “Sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.

I’m everything and nothing all at once. Can you handle me? I’ve been called a Wild Child, Bohemian, Enigma just don’t call me Donna Reed or Ma’am or label me, I’m not a can of soup.

Summer is here and I’m looking for an activity partner to hike, kayak, explore, dance the night away. Run wild by my side, enjoy the time we have. Or if we connect on a sexual level then that would be mighty fine as well but on a longer ride.

Here’s my little ditty regarding …:

I’m the one you never met,
But once you meet me
I’m the one you’ll never forget
I’m the woman of your desire
The one who will make your mind spin
I’m the woman who will set your heart on fire
If you’ll only, let me, in…

That’s all folks, stage left

PS. I love my 420…And I’m not talking about the area code. Granted when I first saw it I did wonder what part of the country it was.

But wait there’s more:

FWB aka NSA: Great Fantasy but it’s a Fallacy:

Only way it works if both parties don’t give a flying hoot about each aka void of emotional intimacy. That’s a fairytale because eventually someone falls for the other and it’s goodbye.

I love my freedom but I also love intimacy with the one I care about. I guess that’s a double edge sword. We all look great on paper (well most of us except for the faceless creatures & those who write nothing) but finding the one we want to know and enjoy being with is quite another experience.

Even though we lead busy lives I want someone who wants to make time for me and I will do the same for you. I want to be the great book you can’t put down and you are in full anticipation to see where the story leads. Every bend, every curve you want to explore the journey with me.

I’m of Transylvanian descent and a true Scorpio; that sums me up perfectly. Ha!

I’m worth the journey. Are you?
What I’m doing with my life

Enjoying this chapter in my life in the Rocky Mountain high: traveling, exploring, designing (helping people live the way they want in the now and the future), writing…living life on my terms…
I’m really good at

Do I earn a Gold Star if I tell?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Wait a minute I have to go check my record collection, be back in a …
Six things I could never do without

I always wondered why 6? Is that the magic number? 4 and 7 and 11 are mine.
I spend a lot of time thinking about

-Lobster Bisque (for those who are Seinfeld connoisseurs)
-What adventure awaits me.
On a typical Friday night I am

Whatever I want to do. It’s still a free country even though nut job is on the Toilet!
You should message me if

If you want to do more than window shop…knock on my door and say hello. I might just be home to open it.

 

Players: Dating or whatever we call it.

IMG_8150July 25th, 2017,

Trevor just informed me that he is going back to Arizona sooner than expected and isn’t sure when he will be back. He has to help his dad out and he’ll be traveling to see clients in the area. I thought he was going to be here until September but he’s leaving in a few days. Ugh!

We just spent a fantastic week together enjoying each other’s company, chilling, having fun, laughing, having amazing sex in all the unusual places. Sunday I met his friends and we tubed down the river which was my first time. It was a blast. My walls are coming down, not all the way down, but down. The problem is that I really like him.

I’ve been on a number of first dates in the past but when it comes to second dates from an online dating site that is a totally different story. I know it’s been a short time but we have been conversing since July 7 when he first contacted me. I’m outside his mileage area but when he was in my area he saw my profile and felt the need to invade my head.

We are great on paper and in person and that is very hard to find. I didn’t want to have this conversation so soon; where are we going? I told him what I was looking for: One person to be intimate with, to enjoy each other’s company. He agreed but didn’t want to hurt me. Apparently looking back I did all the talking and he just listened.

As I said goodbye to him I should have listened to the red flags. When I said casually “When you are in town give me a call, I would love to get together.”

“I’m not sure when that will be since I have so much stuff going on.” He said looking away avoiding my eyes.

Hmmm I thought. I looked at him as I kissed him goodbye, got in my car and drove off. I get it now, he was just looking for a good time even though he wrote in his profile that he was looking for one person in his life. I guess I’m not the one. I get it and it hurts.

That afternoon he text me a polite note: “Hope your adventures were fun today. I’m about to jump in the river. Then visit friends. Up early to head to AZ.”

I replied back with pictures of my adventures which included an old shoe with a nice text: Did you lose your shoes? Just finished the tour of the ghost town. Love the his/her story & architecture. Thank you for the 3 hour tour. I’m glad I met you and enjoyed chilling with you, you’re a cool dude. Safe journey, my friend.”

I also sent him a voice recording since I was driving: “I’m glad you knocked on my door and I was home to answer it. Even though it was a short time together, I really like you and I just want you to know that. Safe trip my friend and lover boy.”

He never replied.  This morning I saw that he changed cities on Ok Cupid. Boy that was quick. I get it. I really do.

I sent him a nice text this morning: “Morning. I hope you had a safe journey. I checked out the caverns yesterday, very cool. Good to be home for 1 day before next guests arrive. Take care my friend, hope you find who you are looking for. -Mrs Robinson.

No reply. He’s the guy who has his phone attached to his side. I could make excuses for him why he hasn’t responded twelve hours later, but I know: He’s just Not That into me.

I will chalk it up to a good time had by all and move on.

NEXT!

 

 

 

Choices: Love of Place or Love of Person. Can you have both?: Dating or Whatever We Call It

IMG_0957I met Trevor on OkCupid an online dating site. We have many mutual interests. He is a great guy and the more time we spend together the more I like him. He’s kind, funny, articulate, compassionate, has his act together, is financially secure, loves the outdoors, travels to beautiful places and is great in bed.  The way he looks at me makes me melt. It’s as though his blue eyes are looking deep into my soul.

He’s everything I want in a man. But, there is always a caveat. He travels a lot for work  since he’s a sales manager for the western states. That doesn’t bother me too much since I’m busy with my own life. The problem is that he lives in southern Arizona in the winter and will be leaving in September.  It’s mid July and we have less than two months to enjoy each other. We haven’t talked about it, but it’s the big white elephant in the room.

The question is: Do I want to get involved with a man who is leaving? My heart tells me to enjoy the time we have together but my mind is telling me to put up my walls, since heartbreak is on the horizon.

There’s a great line in the song “Tomorrow” by Bob Seger;  “I can’t promise you tomorrow. No one has the right to lie.” It is the truth. We can’t control what happens in the future, we can only live in the now.

That is easier said than done. In one of the questions on OkCupid, his answer to marriage is No, but he wants to find someone to settle down with.  We are both divorced and neither of us want to marry again.

What is he expecting that the woman will give up her life to be with him? I can’t stand Phoenix, and I’m not a fan of the desert. I love greenery, the ocean, mountains, lakes, rivers, diversity. The desert is a great place to visit for a week but to live?

I know our relationship is in its infancy but thinking about September is looming in my mind. Do I talk to him about it now or let it go and enjoy the time we have together?

 

Dating or whatever we call it: Is Sexting with another, cheating?

IMG_9088November 2, 2016:

Me: Hey my faucet is leaking!

Him: I unscrewed the P trap a bit the white nut on the bottom of the sink, but it needs to be tightened.

Me: It’s still leaking.

Him: Did you tighten the drain part?

Me: Yes. You’re fired as a plumber but you can service my parts when the warranty runs out!

Him: Ha Good night

Friday, November 25, 2016

Him: I forgot to say happy thanksgiving yesterday

Me: Thanks hope you enjoyed the day

Him: I did in New Orleans with family

Me: Oh fun

Him: Yeah..things are ok with the new girl, not gonna say love since I still think about you though

Me: Oh you’re sweet

Him: I don’t know if that involves an angle when I’m wanting to have another night with you when I’m back-devilish because we are horny.

Me: You can’t be my plumber. I fired you, remember? Isn’t she good in bed? You can always teach her.

Him: Yeah but that was still one of the sexiest things ever.

Him: I just took a morning jog to clear my head of sexual thoughts before I hang out with the family and just kept feeling my dick swollen and swinging into my thighs getting harder thinking of you. Haha it must have been funny to see a guy running with a half hard on. Thankfully there was enough blood pumping to my legs and my lungs

Me: Lol. It was fun playing with you in my new abode. You were my first to christen it.

Him: I know. I wish we were a little smoother with the role play like skipping the water and screwing up the plumbing and having you just have started to take my pants off when I was laying down under the sink. I was already hard you could have just been the horny wife taking advantage of a young worker before your husband got home.

Him: You were so sexy answering the door like you were

Me: Aah

Him: I had to cut my workout short right now to rub one out.

Me: This is my other sexy outfit

Him: OMG! Did you just put that on or already have a picture?

Me: Thought that would keep you warm. It’s a picture of me, last November. Last Thanksgiving I picked up a guy I was dating at the airport wearing it.

Him: Lucky guy

Me: Yes he was. Your girl should do that for you.

Him: I’ll forward that onto her haha

Me: Lol. Have fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FWB’s in a Small Town: Fantasy turns to Reality

IMG_5481After sexting with Mitch, I put on my sexy red lingerie, black silk stockings and high heel shoes. He loves role playing and so do I. There is something sexy about living out a fantasy. A few minutes later I hear a knock on the door and a man says, “I’m here to fix your pipes.”

I open the door and smile. His blue eyes look me up and down as he comes towards me. I move to the left to let him in. Our bodies lightly touch as he walks by. I can feel my body respond.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice. I tried tightening the pipe but it’s still leaking underneath.” I say as I bend down to open up the sink cabinet doors.”

“I have the tools you need to fix it.” He says as he kneels down to look at it.

“I know that’s why I called you.”

“I need you to turn on the water so I can tighten the pipe.”

“Okay. Should I turn on the sprayer or the faucet?”

“Both to see where the leak is.”

I oblige, turning on the faucet and grabbing the sprayer accidentally spraying him.

Laughing, I coyly say: “Oh Sorry,  I didn’t mean to get you all wet.”

He jumps up as the water drenches him. “Sure you didn’t.” He says as he grabs the sprayer from my hand and puts it back into the hole. His clothes are soaked. He pulls me close, kissing me.

I put my hands on his chest and say breathlessly: “We can’t do this. My husband will be home any minute”.

“I’ll be quick. You’re so sexy and I want to be inside of you, now.”

I can feel his cock harden against my body. He picks me up and puts me against the wall as I franticallyunzip his pants, kissing him feverishly.

He guides his rock hard cock inside me. My body arches as I respond to his need. God he feels good. I let out a scream as I can feel him coming. One, two three more thrusts as he holds me close breathing heavily.

We are motionless for a few seconds before I unwrap my legs from his body.

“So you are the plumber I need when my pipes need fixing?”

“Yes.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FWB’s in a small town: The Other Woman-Part 1

I met Mitch on an online dating site a year ago. He’s 20 years younger than me but he, like many younger men, like older women. It’s the Mrs. Robinson scenario and I do play that up. We’re both in the same profession and he has a nice body,  tall, lean and good looking in a boyish way. We went out a few times in the summer, hiking and kayaking enjoying each other’s company.

The way he looked at me I could tell that he wanted more than a platonic friendship. On a hot summer day while hiking in the mountains, he offered his hand while I climbed over a log. As soon as he grasped it he pulled me in and kissed me. His sweaty body glistening in the sunlight felt warm against my skin. I responded in kind and in the middle of the woods we explored each other’s bodies.

We sexted over the next couple of months but didn’t see each other until my birthday in November. I texted him asking if he would like to do something with me.

He replied: ” Yes and no, I’ve started talking to a girl I’m gonna pursue at the moment. I would like to come over and play games with you but it might have to wait for the future.”

“Oh ok, it’s my bday & I wanted you to play with me. I hope it works out for you with her.

“Ooo happy birthday. Well you remember our conversation on monogamy and how difficult it naturally is?

“Yes. But if she’s the one I will step aside.”

“Well I just started getting excited. Hot in the kitchen and thinking of you. Home alone tonight too.”

“Yep naked under the sheets watching Camelot waiting for Lancelot to ravish me.”

“Wait naked? I want a peek.”

“But your maiden is waiting for you and I’m just a damsel undressed.”

“Not all knights are wearing a shining armor some of us get dirty.”

“How dirty do they get?”

“And even a gentlemen couldn’t resist helping a damsel undressed on her birthday.”

“Do you clean up nicely? And would you hate me or yourself in the morning if you came to my bed knowing you are pursuing another? What say you?”

“I think I might hate myself if I don’t.”

“Then cum over and bring your condoms.”

“Well ok then. I like the fantasy roll play you have going on. I’m imagining you opening the door with a flowing robe barely exposing wearing some very sexy lingerie.”

“LOL. You can christen my tiny abode.”

“I don’t think I should spend the whole night though, I may leave very early in the am.”

“That’s fine you can climb down the ladder to your charger and ride off into the sunset. Or follow the North Star to safety.

Does the fair maiden feel like she is a damsel because she is in need of a contractor?

“No. In need of a man.”

“Well, I happen to be both.”

“I know.”

“I’ve always wanted to role play where I’m there to check your sink plumbing, corny I know. You answer looking incredibly sexy, small talk, I check out your sink, you get both of us wet when I ask you turn it on, hopefully you have water and a sprayer. You insist I get out of wet clothes and…

“Hmmm…Lancelot, get on your charger and follow the long drive until you will see my gold chariot next to my home. Your mistress is waiting.”

 

 

 

 

 

Sexting: Online Dating or Whatever We Call It

I’ve been single a couple of months and have been chatting with a few guys online. One guy has sparked my interest after many exchanged written words. I guess this is the same as they did back before the technology when people actually wrote their feelings and desires, goals, adventures.

We exchange cell numbers and speak via vocal chords for almost two hours. He’s creative and a writer. We have similar interests and the conversation flows easily. He’s helping a friend out with a business, 4 hours away from me.

On one hand that’s not too far but on the other it is. We haven’t met but I’m drawn to  him. I have learned, however, that many of us look fantastic on paper. The challenge is meeting in person and having both sexual and emotional chemistry where we are compatible with each other. And wanting to see each other again. I seem to end up having a lot of platonic male friends because I’m not attracted in person.

I like sexting with a guy who I’m attracted to. It’s a dance where we tell each other our desires and our inhibitions are mute.

I text him: Can you come out and play?

He responds: I would love to come out and play. How about a soak in a hot springs with me?

0612131629Me: Hmmm…(I send him a picture of my Ass wearing a Victoria Secret’s bikini) and write: No butts about it I would love to join you.

Him: Mmmmm..you’re yummy. You have a beautiful bottom, baby. I could spend all day worshipping your body.

Me: How would you worship my body?

Him: I’d begin early and proceed slowly. With your naked body laying body laying next to me I’d gently trace every part of you with my hands and my lips, breathing you in, tasting you, savoring each curve of your soft silky skin.

Me: Hmmmm…I breathe you in feeling your body close to me. I close my eyes and follow your touch as it explores me for the first time.

He sends me a soft core black and white picture of a woman and man embraced in a sexual position.

Me: Beautiful soft-core erotica. As I straddle you, feeling your hardness, I slowly guide you pulling you deep inside of me, circling…

Him: Hmmm…I like you even more hot child…I think we have all the chemistry we want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A catchy online profile with pictures

After breaking up with Michael, I’ve been single for a few months and figured its best to get back into the game. I’m a woman who loves the company of men; not just for dating but for platonic friendship. Plus, summer is coming and its time for me to get out of my isolated cocoon.

In order to present oneself in a favorable light, it’s important for the online written profile to be filled with humor. Both sexes like that, but men especially like drama free. Granted if you don’t want drama don’t create it, but that is for another blog.

Pictures tell a story and as we know most scan the pictures before reading the profile. Some send a line without reading. You know who those are? They are the ones who say Wow you’re beautiful or Hi. Apparently the one word email is not going to get them very far unless their profile offers something to be said in return.

Pictures should create a story of what you want to present to the online dating world. That being said, I like to post pictures of me doing various activities such as hiking, riding horses, traveling. Some of them I’m smiling, some of them I’m not. I do have a selfie because that is a requirement in the online dating world.

The main profile picture should be a close up of the face. I switch them around every few weeks to freshen up the profile. When you update your profile, all of a sudden you get more people looking at your site. So that being said the following is my online profile:

*************

Mrs. Robinson looking for a lover who will drive me crazy.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus. First comes the engagement ring then comes the wedding ring then comes the suffering. Lol.

Not looking to be tamed…Run wild by my side…Enjoy me for who I am and I will do the same for you.

Just came back from a 5 week trains, planes & automobile journey chilling with friends & family. I’m like the Johnny Cash’s song “I’ve been everywhere man”

Rambling girl: I love my road trips the best, meeting new people, seeing beautiful natural landscapes and creating memories. I am told I’m the nomadic wanderer, free spirit, enigma and a wild child. Just don’t label me, I’m not a can of soup.

I live in a tiny home on wheels which I’ve designed and helped build. I’m writing and taking pictures of my adventures-writing a book about it. I might be coming to your neighborhood soon. So if you see that I change cities, this is why.

Who comes up with the silly questions? Get real! NEXT! I’m looking for an Activity Partner…Show me the town, hike, ride horses, kayak, etc.

I’m looking for an adventurous passionate spirit who can travel light.

Can you ride a horse? If you can ride a motorcycle you can ride a horse, just lean into the curve…I am in need of a riding partner. If you are under 200 pounds and as Jimi Hendrix said: “Are You Experienced?”

Do you know how to use your Vocal chords? If you do you will earn a gold star. I’m not a huge fan of pen pals, like the voice and the face much better.

Are you in 3D? I am…

Does anyone remember laughter? Plus Plus.

Sit back and enjoy the ride…Oh and leave your GPS at home.

What’s up with the guys with body parts or sunset pictures? Don’t be shy Show Face real face-your face. If I can do it so can you! This ain’t no Phantom of the Opera or Beauty and the Beast!

I’m a true Scorpio and of Transylvanian descent…Do I need to say more?

When I first saw the numbers 420 my first thought was what area code is that? I could have had a V8. I do like it especially the edibles yum

What’s up with all these fish pictures? Is this a fishing site where we reel them in? As Steven Wright says: There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Haha.

On a serious matter: I’m a proud card-carrying SnowFlake who is quite tolerant and easy-going except if you voted for the lying, incompetent, narcissistic bully aka the orange top quack who is in bed with Putin. Do NOT say hello. Go directly to jail; do not pass go, and do not collect $200.

That’s all for now folks, stage left.

**********

I figure it must be successful since almost 2600 guys like me. I average 155 visitors per week and I get a lot of messages. Stay tuned until next week when I discuss the weeding factor. Happy sailing.

Sailing Away
Sailing

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Sex with an Ex: Dating or Whatever We Call It

IMG_4736Michael and I are slowly making our way back into the comfort zone. It’s been a few weeks since we met at Stella’s after many months apart. We’ve been friendly with flirtatious moments, a kiss and a hug but nothing more. I wonder if we are just going to be friends. My body aches for his touch. I’m starting to fall for him again. It feels right this time. We are both in better places.

He calls me and asks me to dinner. I accept and he picks me up. Just like old times we click.  We have a great time. It’s almost midnight when we get back. He walks me to my door. This time he lingers as I open the door to my apartment.

“Would you like to come in?” I ask.

He smiles and nods.

“Dinner was delicious” I say as I take off my shoes and put them in the closet. As I’m bending down, he comes over and put his arms around me.

“Michael” I say laughing.

“God you smell good” he says as he holds me close and rocks me as he kisses my neck. As we rock back and forth, he puts his arm around me and unbuttons my blouse. His hand slides underneath my bra and cups my breasts. I moan.

“God you feel so good” I whisper.

Kissing my neck he unzips my jeans and slides them off. I step out of them. Slipping his hand into my mound my lips quiver. He fingers his way and slides his finger on my clit and gently rubs it back and forth. I let out a moan as I sway back and forth, putting my arms around him. As my body responds, he rubs harder. My clit is now pulsating.

“Michael, I missed you. Fuck me please!” I cry. He stops and turns me around. I pull off his shirt in a frenzy. He cups my breasts and suckles them. Kissing each one, pulling, tugging, and arousing them until they are hard mounds. Unzipping his jeans I yank them off him. I push him down on the floor and get on top of him.

“You make me crazy” I say breathlessly.  He smiles and we start kissing passionately. His cock is hard as I press my body against it. I kiss his neck, then his chest, inching ever so slowly down around his muscular abs. He lets out a moan as I touch his cock. I hold it in my hands and slowly open my mouth to engulf his powerful manhood. My tongue darts about, licking, sucking. I can hear him gasp.

He pulls me up and pushes me down onto the rug in front of the fireplace. Spreading my legs for him, he enters me, slowly at first as I guide him, then with each thrust he goes deeper and faster. Controlling, not letting himself come to fast. Giving me pleasure is his desire. Just a little bit longer…

The Ex and the Art of Forgiveness: Dating or Whatever We Call It

After breaking up with Michael, I avoid him at all costs in the tiny town we live. Not an easy task, but I find a way to do it. We don’t speak for months until one evening I receive a text fr…

Source: The Ex and the Art of Forgiveness: Dating or Whatever We Call It

The Ex and the Art of Forgiveness: Dating or Whatever We Call It

IMG_4916After breaking up with Michael, I avoid him at all costs in the tiny town we live. Not an easy task, but I find a way to do it. We don’t speak for months until one evening I receive a text from him asking to meet for a drink. Is he drinking and he misses me? WTF? I know better, I should delete it and not respond, but I text back.

We meet at our old hang out, Stella’s. I make sure I’m looking drop dead gorgeous in a mini, sleeveless v cut top and heels accentuating my long legs. He’s already at the bar, sitting nervously. When he sees me he smiles, his black hair cut short and his blue eyes sparkling in the light. God he looks good. I smile back. He gets up and gives me a warm hug.  Mmmm…He’s wearing Old Spice which I love. I breath him in…

We exchange pleasantries, chatting about nothing. “I hope you don’t mind but I ordered you a Riesling”. He says as he looks into my eyes.

“Thank you, you always knew what I liked.” I reply as I take a sip. Liked past tense but he still remembers… As the evening wears on we settle back into our comfortable selves. The nervousness is gone. We’re laughing and talking as though we never broke up. Its great to see him again. He hasn’t changed, his rugged good looks are still in tact.

He touches my hand and I look up.

“I miss you”he says quietly.

I look at him. “Is that why you texted me?”

“Yeah. I know I was a total ass to you. I was in a funk over the winter and I needed to be alone and be an island for a while. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

So many things I want to say and not all good. I look at him and all I can say is “It’s okay. We both needed to be alone.”

All the pain and hurt seem to evaporate with those words: I’m sorry that I hurt you.

“What are you doing about your Bipolar?” I ask.

“I’m seeing a therapist on a weekly basis. She put me on the drug Lamictal, and it has really helped with my mood swings. I feel more even keeled.”

“What is it?”

“It’s used for epileptic seizures but also for mood swings for bipolar. For now I’m just on that but I might need to go on a cocktail of meds. We’ll see. I’m also working out everyday and writing. That’s the best part. I’m focused.”

“That’s great Michael, I’m really happy that you are getting help. I think that was the major reason why we fought.”

“I know. Self medicating on alcohol wasn’t good for me or for us. I’m always going to have this, but I wanted you to know that I’m trying to overcome it.”

I lean over and give him a hug. We hold each other. He feels good in my arms.

I give him a kiss on the cheek: “It’s going to be okay. You’re on the right track and you’re doing something pro-active. I respect you for that.”

“Thanks. I wanted you to know…” His voice trails off as he looks into my eyes.

His eyes are an intense blue green. I could swim in them. I look away.

“What time is it?” I ask

“It’s 11:05” He says.

“Wow we’ve been talking for over 3 hours? I have to go. Long day tomorrow Thank you for the drink.”

As we get up, I turn to him and say, “Its good to see you again Michael.”

He leans over and kisses me on the lips. He tastes good. His soft lips brushing against mine.

He smiles and says: “Good to see you too.”

 

 

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Lessons Learned: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Lessons Learned: Finding the One and starting a family isn’t going to make you happy. It’s not going to give you the stability you crave because you didn’t have it growing up. You…

Source: Lessons Learned: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Lessons Learned: Dating or Whatever We Call It

IMG_2017Lessons Learned:

Finding the One and starting a family isn’t going to make you happy. It’s not going to give you the stability you crave because you didn’t have it growing up. You have to find it within yourself, first. You have to do it on your own. You have to love yourself before you give that love to someone else…If you want it to last.

Sex Lies and Videotape: Dating or whatever we call it.

It’s a rainy Sunday, close to noon and I have no desire to get out of bed. I’m going through the movies on Amazon Prime and come across Sex Lies and Videotape. I confess I’ve never seen it. I remember when it came out but never once watched it or even read about it. All these years and never once, but today is different.

I knew it had to do with infidelity and voyeurism, but I thought it would be soft porn, with lot of sex. The movie is interesting in how it portrays four lives: two sisters, a husband and long lost friend. How those lives come together in the search for truth. For those who haven’t watched it I won’t give away the end.

It’s melancholy, perfect for a rainy day. The music helps create this sense of sadness. It’s not action packed by any means, but you want to know what happens to them, how their lives change for the better or worse.

 

 

 

 

 

#AloneOnChristmas: Dating Or Whatever We Call It

IMG_0397I recently moved to a small northwestern town in the Rocky Mountains. I live in a 400 sf loft condo near the top of a ski mountain 4500 feet above sea level. I’m far away from my friends and family. My new lover has the Holiday Blues and does not want my company. My girlfriend doesn’t want to make the journey up the treacherous mountain road to see me nor do I want to drive down, so I’m alone for Christmas.

The day before I drop off Christmas presents to Michael. I make the effort to make something for him. I enlarge a photo he loves and frame it along with a calendar of my travel pictures. He meets me at the door but doesn’t invite me in. I hand him his presents and he says thank you. We chat for a few minutes then he reaches for something which I think is a present, but it’s a white cotton pad for my injured horse.

That’s my gift? That’s it? He couldn’t even be bothered to get me a card? I’m annoyed. After everything I’ve done for him he gives me zilch, zero, zippo, notta, nothing.  So he has the holiday blues? So what! I kiss him,  say Merry Christmas and leave. I’m annoyed.

At first I resent him for being a jerk but now that it’s Christmas, I’m trying to make the best of it. I’m not going to let him ruin my Christmas. Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I am lonely. Granted it would be nice to be with someone I care about, but that’s not meant to be.

It’s all a state of mind, I tell myself.  I can be miserable or I can make the best of it. Society tells us that we must be with people during the Holidays. We must buy tons of non wanted presents and spend money for people who don’t appreciate us. I nix that idea and do it my way.

It’s snowing and white Christmas is upon me. Instead of being miserable I decide to enjoy my down time. I make a list of all the positive things about being alone on Christmas:

  • I get to watch all my favorite Christmas shows without being interrupted.
  • I don’t have to shhhh anyone.
  • I don’t have to hear snide remarks from others about what I’m watching such as A Year Without A Santa Claus-now that’s a great show.
  • I get to make desserts and lick all the spoons and bowls without having to share with others.
  • I can be in my pajamas all day or run around naked.
  • I don’t have to clean 6 inches of snow off my car and drive down the snowy mountain road holding my breath.
  • I can listen to any music I want without being criticized for my selection.
  • I can sing at the top of my lungs off key and no one judges me
  • I can eat what and when I want since there is no set agenda.
  • I can make my own fire in the wood stove and curl up on the couch without sharing it with anyone.
  • I can make a mess and not worry about cleaning it up for guests
  • I can call all my friends and family without being rude to guests
  • I can dance like Elaine from Seinfeld without being ridiculed
  • I don’t have to visit people and make small talk with strangers

Did I miss anything? Probably, but there’s always next year. So for all those who spent Christmas alone, I salute you even the Scrooges out there. Hah you didn’t ruin my Christmas! Bah Humbug!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#Bipolar: Dating or Whatever We Call It

After a week of being together, Michael informs me he hates the Holidays which are right around the corner and that he is Manic Bipolar. Double whammy. I almost drive off the road.

As I compose myself, I try to lighten the mood and say with a smile; “Oh so you are Eor and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh?”

“Yeah that sums me up perfectly, that’s a perfect analogy.” He says as we both laugh.

My thoughts are far different then what I speak. Ove! Why do I fall for the Van Gogh’s, the troubled souls? Is it because they make life interesting? Is it my past that draws me to these men? My dad who I loved dearly was a womanizer and my mom was mentally ill. Is history repeating itself? Will I always find comfort in men who are incapable of loving just one woman? Am I destined to follow in my parents footsteps?

I really like Michael. He’s kind and sweet, well, when he’s not self absorbed in his own bullshit. He loves my horses. He’s so gentle with them. We both have similar backgrounds. He adores his mom but has a love/hate relationship with his father. I loved my dad but had a bad relationship with my mom. We grew up in upper middle class. We love the outdoors and animals. We love sex, the more we get the more we want. We are both intense and emotional. We are both loners. He’s a Cancer and I’m a Scorpio, according to the Horoscope charts we have one of the best relationships.

We have our differences though: He’s a right wing conservative and I’m more middle of the road liberal. But we respect each other’s opinion even when we spar. He loves talk radio and I love music (even though his passion is the piano). He has gigantic mood swings, while I wear my heart on my sleeve (most of the time).

I love his spirit. I empathize with him. I am connected to his soul. I feel his pain, his passion, his intensity, but does he feel mine? Will we survive, unscathed?

 

The Holiday Blues: Dating or whatever we call it

As the holidays are in full swing we are inundated with social activities, holiday music which starts before Thanksgiving, marketing gimmicks 24/7, and food galore. This is one of our favorite times of the year, a time to be with the one’s we love, but to others, it’s a time of great sadness.

My lover is in a full blown Holiday blues depression. He’s like Greta Garbo, whose famous line was: “I want to be left alone.” He has shut himself away from the world and it breaks my heart that I can’t reach him.

For the past four years, my friend Alise has been in a relationship with Justin who has severe anxiety and depression. I remember the countless calls as she cried over her predicament. I listened as she vented and gave her advice. It’s been a very rocky road but they have come a long way and now are living together. She stuck it out even though many times she thought about leaving. Her love for him kept her grounded.

I couldn’t understand why she stayed until now, now that I’m in the same leaking boat. I want to have fun and enjoy the holidays with him. He did drag himself out with me and his friends to cut down Christmas trees, so why can’t he be festive?

Am I being selfish to want to spend the holidays with him? I’m trying to understand where he’s coming from. I had a horrible childhood as well, but I do remember enjoying the Holidays. It’s taken me years to forgive my Mom but I’ve forgiven her, why can’t he forgive his Dad?

He’s in a new town, a new state, starting a new life with people who adore him, why can’t he let go of his past and forgive? Why does he let those who’ve hurt him win?

 

 

 

 

Labels: A Guide to Dating or Whatever We Call it.

I’m done with the online dating scene. I can’t take anymore undesirable men hounding me. I miss the old fashion way where I actually meet someone skiing, or at the grocery store, or at the gym.

I recently joined a gym which has racquetball, but I have no one to play with so I ask the membership director to put the word out for me. A few days later she tells me about a guy who is looking to play. She gives me his number but he beats me to it. He calls me first and we set up a time to play.

I’m expecting him to be a 300 pound old gorilla but I’m in for a surprise. As I walk towards the court a really hot dude with a chiseled body and a big smile walks towards me. His blue eyes twinkle as he says my name.

I smile back and we introduce each other. We chat. He tells me he just moved up here and is looking to learn how to play. I tell him that he came to the right place since I’ve been playing on and off for 30 years. We laugh.

We play and he’s very good for a beginner. I teach him the rules and show him the different serves. I’m his teacher. We flirt. There is chemistry but I didn’t come here to fall for someone. I tell him we’ll be great friends. He looks at me and cocks his head and says ok, friends.

After we play, he says: “Let’s grab a drink sometime.” I say, “Ok”. I text him from the women’s locker. “How about after the gym for a drink?” He texts back “Yes”. What’s the harm since we’re going to be friends? But how can I be friends with someone I’m sexually attracted too?

We meet for a drink and I find out he’s 11 years younger than me. Some people would call me a Cougar since he’s in a different decade than me. But he’s just a friend. We have a lot in common and have a great time.

I find out he cyber stalked me so that’s how he knew who I was. I told him I tried to look him up but only found a silly picture of him which did not do him justice. We laugh and I put my hand on his shoulder. I know he’s attracted to me as well. Hmmm…

I follow him back to his house and we kiss for a few minutes. Finally I gently nudge him and tell him I have to go. We kiss goodnight and I leave. He watches me go. Part of me wants to stay but part of me needs to leave. I remind myself that we are just friends.

What am I doing? I recently left someone I care about back in New England-a FWB of 11 years and I’m not looking to get involved. I need to concentrate on work. I can’t start a relationship when I’m trying to get my life together. I remind myself we are just friends. Ugh!

So I come up with a name for us aka a label. We are Activity Partners. Yes, that sounds so much better than a FWB even though it’s the same thing. We’re not dating, we are not seeing each other, we’re not exclusive. We are just two people who enjoy each other’s company and love sex. End of story.

As the weeks progress, we hang out, hike, play racquetball and have amazing sex. I admit I do like him a lot. He has almost all the qualities I’m looking for in a man. I call him an ISEC: Intelligent, Sexual, Eye Candy but I can’t want more than that. I can’t let myself feel. I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t want to be rejected. My walls are up.

From previous experiences FWB’s don’t work, someone always likes the other person more. And someone always ends up getting hurt. FWB is just a fantasy, which I seem to be in again.

What’s a girl to do?

 

 

 

 

 

#Cougars on the Prowl: A Guide to Dating

Source: #Cougars on the Prowl: A Guide to Dating

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