I remember the day that changed my life forever. I was in the kitchen with my husband. He was standing against the stove when I broke the news to him of my feelings for another man. I asked for a divorce. He just looked at me, as tears welled up in his eyes and shook his head. As he walked away he said “Okay, you win. I’m not going to fight you” I stood there watching him walk out the door. Finally, I was free.
I wasn’t thinking about how I hurt him or my immediate plans or my horses or my dog, or my living arrangements, or my life. I didn’t plan, I just mechanically went through the motions of numbness. I called my friend and told her what happened. She offered a place for me to stay while I sort things out. I packed a bag and left.
I was looking forward to a new chapter in my life with Jonathan. My dream of designing and building with a man who would be my business and intimate partner was what I wanted, or so I thought. I was banking on a fantasy. As children, we are led to believe that our Prince or Knight in shining armor will whisk us away and make everything all right. I was wrapped up in the fantasy.
Jonathan and I had plans to drive up the coast for the weekend. I called him and excitedly told him the news of my divorce. Silence on the other end. I thought I had a dropped call. The Verizon commercial “Can you hear me now?” resonated in my head. “Are you there?” I asked. Finally, the silence was broken.
“You’re married?” he asked.
I was dumbfounded. “I told you at dinner last night that I was and you said you couldn’t date someone who was married. Don’t you remember that?”
“What do you mean NO? I countered.
“We talked for hours and you never told me you were married”! he yelled.
I pulled the phone away from my ear as I looked at it in disbelief. WTF! “Yes, I did at the end of the night. We made plans for our future. We talked about designing and building together. We made arrangements to go away together. What is wrong with you? Do you have amnesia? I asked my husband for a divorce because I don’t believe in cheating and that’s all you can say to me? Are you serious?”
Again silence. “Hello”! I scream! No answer. I look at the phone and it says call failed. I’m beyond bullshit. I just threw my marriage away over a guy who has amnesia. What was I thinking?
He texts me a few minutes later telling me he’ll pick me up at 8 and we’ll talk. I reply, Okay and text the address. Thoughts are whirling around in my head. How could I be so naive? What foolish notions did I conjure up? Is he for real?!
I remember sitting in my office designing a kitchen when I said to myself, “I want to be with someone who shares my passion for design and build.” Within two weeks I met Jonathan and my life changed forever. I should have remembered the old adage: Watch what you wish for it might just come true.
I was married at the time to a wonderfully sweet but dull man. We were together for 15 years. The fire had died, and the last remaining embers turned to ash. I loved him but I wanted what he would not give me. But that is a whole other story which I will share with you at another time.
I remember the first time I saw Jonathan as I was walking to my car. He was talking to another cabinet installer. He was so cute. I could have run up and squeezed him. As he smiled his hazel eyes twinkled. Something about him made my heart race. I was drawn to him, no pun intended. I had a crush.
I know it was wrong but for years I wanted a divorce. I wanted to be free, but I could never leave for the sake of leaving. Enter, another man. I’ve never cheated and I don’t believe in it, but having feelings for someone other than my husband to some could be considered cheating. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences, the fallout, I was just doing.
For the next few months, Jon and I speak professionally. It’s my job as a designer to discuss the design with the cabinet installer. What’s the harm in that? I can’t get him out of my head. Our conversations are lengthy, he’s a talker. My husband, on the other hand, is a man of few words, the strong silent type.
I remember having Thanksgiving with my husband’s family and realizing that this was going to be the last time we would be together. It was melancholy. I said farewell to those I cared for.
The following day the storm blew in. I had to meet Jon at a building site. We ended up talking for 6 hours, this time our conversation took a more personal tone. We talked about everything except who we were involved with. It turns out our backgrounds are similar, products of divorce. He shares the same birthday as my dad. Both are Leo’s, that should have been a red flag, but I was too caught up in the fantasy. Through the conversation, I found out that we were both heading to San Diego in the same week in December. I thought that was fate. How ironic? We laughed.
As I was heading to Chicago Uno’s I called my husband to let him know I was meeting a friend for dinner and I would be late. I told him not to wait up for me. As I hung up a tinge of guilt came over me but I shrugged it off, my marriage was over.
As the night progressed and the drinks flowed, I said in passing that I was married. He said he couldn’t date someone who was married. I wanted him, but I could not carry on an affair. I was crossing into cheatingville.
As we walked to my car, we hugged and kissed. I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. My husband never kissed me and I longed for the affectionate passionate kiss. It was nice.
The next day I confessed to my husband and I asked for a divorce…
I get bored with my online dating profile from time to time so I give it a makeover. I still lean towards the humorous dribbling, however. This one is a little crazy, I know, but its storytelling. Take a look and tell me what you think?
“What a Feeling” looking forward to that “Summer Breeze” and “The Boys of Summer”. Let’s have some “Hot Fun in the Summertime” on a “Hot Summer Night”.
I do prefer “The Sounds of Silence” of nature over “Summertime in the City” however, I can be a “Hot Child in the City” when I choose to be.
“Must of Got Lost”. This free spirit is “On The Road Again” “Riding The Storm Out”, but not with Willie. Writing about her adventures on the “Road Not Taken” In The Company of None. If you see that I change cities it’s because I’m checking out the scene.
“Don’t Bring Me Down”. As Mr. Big says to Carrie: “Sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. I’m everything and nothing all at once. Can you handle me? I’ve been called a Free Spirit, “Wild Child”, Bohemian, Enigma, just don’t call me Donna Reed or Ma’am or label me, I’m not a can of soup.
“Communication Breakdown” seems to be the norm with online dating. “This Sweet Talking Woman” who is “Breaking All The Rules, “Needs A Lover” who’s going to “Light My Fire”. “Just don’t Go Breaking My Heart”. “Are You Tougher than the Rest?” This “Wild Thing” is looking for an activity partner or a lover who will drive me crazy to hike, kayak, explore, “Dance With Me”, converse, laugh with that Abby Normal kind of way. I gravitate towards the creative, artistic and passionate souls.
“Just Between You and Me”: “Are You Going to Love Me Like a Man?” Just don’t make “Promises” you can’t keep. Even if you are “The Boy From New York City”, I’m not looking for a one night stand at the “Memory Motel”.
On that note:
“Take A Chance on Me” on the “Crazy Train” as we go down “Ventura Highway”. If you would like to “Serenade” me, I’d like that. Maybe we can find some “Wild Mountain Honey” on this “Beautiful Day” and fly a “Kite”.
I love my 420. When I first saw it, I wondered what area code that was, but now I know! I will always answer it.
For those who are slow on the uptake, the quotations, are either song, movie or poem titles.
After a break from online dating, I’ve gone back to it. Call me a sucker, I know. I guess I like the attention from the opposite sex. I wrote a new profile which I update from time to time. Apparently, it works, since I’m up to 3323 likes and counting.
For shits and giggles this is it:
Is it me or is it Memorex but that confounded Discover pop up Ad drives me crazy forcing me to wait 5 seconds before I can click Skip! Can you relate? And this new platform is ridiculous! What is OkCupid thinking? I think they should have had a V8!
This free spirit is On The Road Again but not with Willie. Writing about her adventures on the road less traveled In The Company of None. If you see that I change cities it’s because I’m checking out the scene.
I’m not sure who wrote this but I think it’s hysterical. “Marriage is a 3 ring circus. First comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, then comes the suffering.” Can you relate? Been there done that. So I can commit to a mental institution aka marriage. JK.
Does anyone remember laughter? Where’s that confounded bridge? Who’s rolling today Jimmy? Who said that? From what songs? And what albums? You’ll earn gold stars for all the correct answers.
As Mr. Big says to Carrie: “Sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. I’m everything and nothing all at once. Can you handle me? I’ve been called a Free Spirit, Wild Child, Bohemian, Enigma, just don’t call me Donna Reed or Ma’am or label me, I’m not a can of soup.
I’m looking for an activity partner or lover (who will drive me crazy) to hike, kayak, explore, dance the night away, converse, laugh with that Abbi Normal kind of way. I gravitate towards the creative, artistic and passionate souls.
As Bob Seger sings: “I can’t promise you tomorrow, no one has the right to lie” From the song Tomorrow”. Run wild by my side but don’t try to tame me and I might stick around. I love my freedom but I also love intimacy with the one I care about. I guess that’s a double edge sword.
We all look great on paper (well most of us except for the faceless creatures but finding the one we want to know and enjoy being with is quite another experience. Even though we lead busy lives I want someone who wants to make time for me and I will do the same for you. I want to be the great book you can’t put down and you are in full anticipation to see where the story leads. Every bend, every curve you want to explore the journey with me.
On that note:
I’m of Transylvanian descent and a true Scorpio; that sums me up perfectly. Ha! I am a proud carrying Snowflake. If you are a Trump supporter, Do Not Say Hello. Do Not Pass Go. Go directly to jail or go to Russia With Love.
I love my 420. When I first saw it, I wondered what area code that was, but now I know! I will always answer it.
Why? It’s all in a name: I don’t like to wear name tags and I don’t broadcast my name to strangers. If we are having a conversation I will introduce myself. The letters JK are my middle initials and I’m NOT Just Kidding.
I’m not sure who is controlling the dating websites but I find they are getting more ridiculous. Let’s take OkCupid for example in how people message each other. They’ve changed it. The old way, anyone could message you. You could either respond or not. Now OkCupid won’t show a new message unless you click on DoubleTake. They show a few pictures and stats: name, age, location and percentage of match but that’s it. You can’t look at their profile before liking or passing. At the bottom of the picture it shows if they messaged you. If you want to read the message you have to like them. Why would I like them? Based on a picture?
Are you serious? You might be hot but that doesn’t mean I like you. You might be a Trump supporter that is a deal breaker. How would I know that? Can I take the like back?
If I browse searches I am limited on my criteria unless I become a paying member. Why would I pay a dating website to show me the same guys that I see for free? What’s the incentive? Apparently if I want to date physically fit guys I have to become a member. If I want to date attractive men (who OkCupid thinks are attractive) I have to become a member. Why?
If I want to search men within a location I’m limited to 500 miles or anywhere. Anywhere means Antarctica or Russia. Sorry, but it’s very unlikely that I’m going to date someone outside of my country. I can travel freely within my country (well at least for now) and that is my incentive. I might have a conversation with a foreigner but meeting them? That is unlikely. Why can’t I search for men who live in the United States without having to change my city?
Another dating website POF aka Plenty of Freaks has put an age limit of 14 years. Apparently 14 is the magic number in their eyes. That means that I can’t converse with someone who is 15 years older or younger than myself. My dad was 17 years younger than my step mom. Good thing they weren’t on POF they would never have met. I find it hilarious that POF promotes hook ups and advertises sex sites but won’t allow people who are adults to make up their own minds on whom they speak to.
Dating sites are becoming dictators. The more they try to enforce their rules the more customers they will lose. I miss the good old days of meeting people in person before the introduction to online dating. Remember those days when you looked into each other’s eyes and said hello with a smile? A time where we had face to face conversations? A time where we had social skills where we knew how to interact with others in public? I think I’m going back to that time, maybe we can say hello in person.
When it comes to online dating you must ask yourself what do you want and who do you want from the experience. If you want to be successful with online dating you have to shake things up, starting with a great User Name and headline. I made up the name HotChild2012 from the song Hot Child in The City which many people remember and it was the year I started this dating blog.
A catchy username/headline is the same as going to the library, or renting a movie, and going through hundreds of titles until one piques your interest. You stop and look at the picture(s) on the front and back cover, then you read the summary or the first page. If all three interest you, you read it and or watch it.
Pictures tell a 1000 words but words help create the fantasies. Pictures and words together are like the pop up books we had as kids. As you turn the page the picture pops up creating a 3D effect and an unexpected wow factor which keeps us wanting more.
Creating the perfect written profile takes imagination. It should show who you are in a playful manner. Write from your heart, but don’t write a tear jerker. No one wants to hear about your troubles and your woes. Everything can have a positive spin. Humor is life’s antidote. Watch the comedians George Carlin, Robin Williams, Steven Wright, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and look how they take something serious and poke fun at it. It can be down right funny. We need humor in this day and age of the orange top dictator on the reality show: Who’s Coming to Dinner at the White House?
Pictures: Should be clear not blurry preferably not with other people. This confuses us; is that your wife, husband, lover? Crop them out. Also put recent pictures up, showing what you look like now, not from 20 years ago. There should be a few close ups showing your smile and your eyes, for those are the windows to your soul. There should also be pictures of your full body not pornographic but tasteful and fun. If you are a hiker post a picture of you hiking, if you sail show a picture of you on a sailboat and so on. Show them who you are and what you like to do.
Change the order of your pictures and add or delete them. Each time you change something in your profile it refreshes it and more people look at it. Always show your best picture first this is what draws them in, followed by the 2nd and 3rd best since everyone clicks on the pictures first.
The following is my written profile: I tell them who I am with humor. There are some serious undertones but the humor masks it and makes them laugh and they message me.
Heading to check out the coast of Washington. This free spirit is On The Road Again but not with Willie. Writing about her adventures on the road less traveled.
Does anyone remember laughter?
Where’s that confounded bridge?
Who’s rowing today Jimmy?
Who said that? From what songs? And what albums? You’ll earn gold stars for all the correct answers.
Re: FWB’s read down:
As Mr. Big says to Carrie: “Sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.
I’m everything and nothing all at once. Can you handle me? I’ve been called a Wild Child, Bohemian, Enigma just don’t call me Donna Reed or Ma’am or label me, I’m not a can of soup.
Summer is here and I’m looking for an activity partner to hike, kayak, explore, dance the night away. Run wild by my side, enjoy the time we have. Or if we connect on a sexual level then that would be mighty fine as well but on a longer ride.
Here’s my little ditty regarding …:
I’m the one you never met,
But once you meet me
I’m the one you’ll never forget
I’m the woman of your desire
The one who will make your mind spin
I’m the woman who will set your heart on fire
If you’ll only, let me, in…
That’s all folks, stage left
PS. I love my 420…And I’m not talking about the area code. Granted when I first saw it I did wonder what part of the country it was.
But wait there’s more:
FWB aka NSA: Great Fantasy but it’s a Fallacy:
Only way it works if both parties don’t give a flying hoot about each aka void of emotional intimacy. That’s a fairytale because eventually someone falls for the other and it’s goodbye.
I love my freedom but I also love intimacy with the one I care about. I guess that’s a double edge sword. We all look great on paper (well most of us except for the faceless creatures & those who write nothing) but finding the one we want to know and enjoy being with is quite another experience.
Even though we lead busy lives I want someone who wants to make time for me and I will do the same for you. I want to be the great book you can’t put down and you are in full anticipation to see where the story leads. Every bend, every curve you want to explore the journey with me.
I’m of Transylvanian descent and a true Scorpio; that sums me up perfectly. Ha!
I’m worth the journey. Are you?
What I’m doing with my life
Enjoying this chapter in my life in the Rocky Mountain high: traveling, exploring, designing (helping people live the way they want in the now and the future), writing…living life on my terms…
I’m really good at
Do I earn a Gold Star if I tell?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Wait a minute I have to go check my record collection, be back in a …
Six things I could never do without
I always wondered why 6? Is that the magic number? 4 and 7 and 11 are mine.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
-Lobster Bisque (for those who are Seinfeld connoisseurs)
-What adventure awaits me.
On a typical Friday night I am
Whatever I want to do. It’s still a free country even though nut job is on the Toilet!
You should message me if
If you want to do more than window shop…knock on my door and say hello. I might just be home to open it.
Now that Trevor is gone I decide to move my zip code to LA to check out the online dating scene there. That’s where the beautiful, talented people are and I want to be part of it. Granted, I’m not physically in the town of cellulite heroes but emotionally, I am.
All of a sudden in less than 24 hours I get 100 likes. Over 900 likes in less than one month. Wow, that’s a record for me! The euphoria sets in which takes my mind away from him. Hey we all like to be popular, even though many of us deny it, we like the attention that is bestowed on us.
I equate it to TV show ratings. The more likes a show receives the longer it stays on the air. We are a society of wannabe popular folks. Look what happens when people like our FaceBook and other social media posts. From an early age we have birthday parties, Prom King and Queens, Homecoming Queens to Most Popular in our Yearbooks. Those who are popular get picked for everything, remember gym class? Pick me pick me. None of us wanted to be the last person standing in line. People flock to those who are well liked. It’s a pecking order.
As a child I was extremely shy and was not part of the elitist group of popular kids. At 5’8″ tall I was a scraggly 108 pounds. I felt like the ugly duckling, very unsure of myself and my looks. I never wore dresses because I was so skinny. I remember playing softball and this bully named Kim yelled “Hey Ostrich Legs” to me while I was batting. I still remember the sting of her words.
I was not asked to the prom nor did I have a boy friend in high school. I was an introvert with a small group of close knit friends. Even though I lost my virginity at the age of 17 to a lobster boy on an island in Maine I was not a popular kid in my hometown.
In September of 1984 after graduating from high school I moved to Fort Lauderdale and worked as a manager for my sisters friend. This is where I became a Wild Child. No one knew me and I was able to reinvent myself. The ugly duckling turned into a swan. I had a new persona and confidence in myself. Men wanted me and I wanted them. I couldn’t get enough. I guess I was making up for lost time.
Maybe that’s why I choose online dating as a platform for conversing with men. As I lick my wounds, and say the word NEXT! I’ll show the world I’m liked. My pride and ego are at stake and being liked by strangers heightens my confidence on the dating circuit. After a few days of being bombarded by men, however, I’m becoming bored of the city of beautiful people and its time to move on to new cities and adventures.