Search

HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

Tag

comedy

The Art of a Great Profile for online dating

Online dating: If you want results put your best pictures forward and write a light hearted profile.

Source: The Art of a Great Profile for online dating

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences

IMG_8247Relationships are like socks. In the beginning they are always seen together. They feel good, enjoying each other’s company. Life is good. Then the days, weeks, months, and years go by and they spend less and less time together. One day you find that your partner is MIA just like socks that have gone through the wash. Single again. The MIA sock has attached itself to another article of clothing, never too be seen together again. Just like the relationship that has gone south.

Now you just have single socks which you put into the single sock drawer. Holding on to them just in case the other mate shows up and you will be together again. The socks are piling up.

Adding to your collection of single socks
Adding to your collection of single socks

One day you realize that sock is never going to appear and you make the decision to throw it out or use it to dust.

The life of relationships and socks.

 

 

Relationship issues?

I was told by my past two lovers that I couldn’t handle relationships. Well they are wrong. Apparently they have no clue about a girl and her horse (s). I just spent the last hour out in the field in this f’in 95 degree heat adding new pasture so my horses could graze on real lush grass (Star & Locket are 13+ years-had Star since she was 2 months and Locket since she was 1.5 years old). What we do for our horses! If men only knew our commitment! Ha!
012

Date 4 with Justin-Is he letting me in?

cape cod birds nesting

Justin and I have been dating 3 weeks. We talk on the phone or text every day. Our 4th date is coming up. Originally he told me he wasn’t ready for me to meet his daughter apparently she didn’t like anyone he brought home. He didn’t want to deal with it. Things changed on the day we were getting together. A few hours before we were to meet he calls and leaves a message asking me to meet at his house. His 16 yr old daughter needs a ride to work. This way we have an unlimited amount of playtime. Yes I like this plan much better. I call him back and he tells me to bring my overnight gear. Hmmm…I like it a lot…

At 3 pm I arrive at his house and his daughter Julia answers the door. She is stunning just like her dad. She is a cool kid. I like her. “He’ll be right down” She says as she leads me to the living room. Justin saunters in. He is so handsome: Tall, chiseled, masculine. He gives me a bear hug and leans down to kiss me, smiles and says hello. I smile up at him.

“Julia are you ready?”

“Yep” Julia says.

“Let’s go” Justin says.

He drives a truck so I let Julia sit next to her dad. After we drop her off at work, we go to Mel’s Fun Park. We ride the Go-Karts – I leave him in the dust and then we play mini-golf. Very close game. Granted it took us a little longer because we were all over each other. He won by 3 strokes. It was fun to be silly and not have a care in the world.

“Are you hungry?” He asks me.

“Starving” I tell him.

“There is this pub with outdoor seating that we could go to?”

“Sounds good let’s go.” I say.

The meal isn’t anything special but being with Justin is. He is so affectionate. He has this habit of leaning over and kissing me. No matter where we are-he is so attentive. I love it. And when he looks at me with those hazel eyes I just melt. He is beautiful.

We get back to his place close to midnight. I have had a little too many drinks. We say good night to his daughter and her friends and head to the bedroom which is right off the living room/entry. He tells me we have to be quiet. I feel that we are the kids.

It’s hard for me to not be vocal especially when I am with a hot guy. I put my arms around him and we passionately kiss. He nibbles my ear, my neck and my breasts; suckling each until they are hard mounds. I feel my heart racing and I let out a moan. “Shhhh” he says. I can’t help it-he feels so good. I bite my lip and hold my breath.

He backs me to the bed and I instinctively sit. He kisses my stomach and then he pleasures me for hours. I am so wet. He makes me come so many times.  He is an amazing lover one of the best that I have had. We are both drenched but it feels so good as he puts his arm around me and holds me close as we drift off to sleep.

The next morning I wake up and he still has his arm around me. I turn and look at him. He opens his eyes and I smile. I tell him “I had this amazing dream-it was so real-we were doing a 69”. He smiles at me and says; “it was real-we did do it.” Then I remember and I laugh.

We start to kiss and I can feel him getting hard-morning sex-the best kind. I need no lubrication I am ready for him. He feels so good in me. He is just about to come when his daughter knocks on the door. She asks if she can take his truck to work. He tells her ok. Oh Man-getting caught by his daughter. We try it again, but she knocks again. Hmmm…I think she knows…

Journeyman (album)
Journeyman (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We hang out for the rest of the day, just chilling. We watch Eric Clapton Live and Running on Faith is playing. I am sitting on the couch and he walks up to me and puts out his hand-“Dance with me” He says. We slow dance in his living room. My head comes up to his chin. He holds me close and then I put my head on his chest and we dance. He is so tender. I am falling for him.

I drop him off at his daughter’s work so he can get his truck.  He comes back to the car and I get out. We are standing behind my car on the main street. He gives me his bear hug and holds me for what seems to be eternity. I never want him to let me go. As we kiss-I want him again.

After I leave I meet my girlfriend Andrea at Martha’s and we have dinner. I look down and I see a text from Justin: It says: Hope u made it home safe & sound. I really enjoyed our time together. :^)

He is so sweet. I am in lust…

The Second Date-best ever…

Air Hockey I
Air Hockey I (Photo credit: Crashworks)

Saturday night I had the best first date ever with Justin Logan. I can’t help myself the impulsive girl that I am. I text him the next day and ask if he is allowed to go out on a school night. He replies with a grin, yes. So we meet for a casual fun evening at Boston Billiards. Now I will tell you right off the bat I can’t play pool but after a few cocktails I am a little better. Air hockey? I am queen. Fooze ball I suck but it’s fun to play.

I tell him that I will be shooting basketball hoops and to meet me at the little arcade. I am doing okay until he distracts me. I thought for a tall guy 6’1″ he would be a wiz at basketball but no. He gives me a hug. What a great hugger he is. Hmmm…We chit chatt for a few and then I suggest pool. We play for 2 hours and only 2 games. Apparently other things got in the way. We talk, laugh and flirt for most of it. Every time I go to line up my balls he would close in for the kill. “Go away you are making me nervous” I tell him. Geeze Louise-he is so beautiful I feel like a school girl around him. I think he knows how he can captivate his audience. He is vain and has an ego the size of Mt Everest…but he is fun to flirt with…

We are acting like kids-just laughing and carrying on. We are all over each other. There are sexual undertones going on. I ask him if he wants to play a few games of air hockey. He says yes. Hmmmm…He is in for a surprise.  I am going to whoop his ass…he deserves being brought down a few notches…

First game I win 7 to 4 next I win 7-0. Justin is a good loser. It’s getting late and I ask him if he wants to have a make out session in his truck. I know this is childish but I can’t help myself. We are in the middle of no where and I am curious to see what he is like.

Well when we finally say good night we both agreed that it was the best second date ever…That Justin Logan is one mighty fine kisser…

Needless Markus The Dictator-Plenty of Freaks Online dating site

Needless Markus The Dictator-Plenty of Freaks Online dating site.

The Art of Kissing: A guide to online dating

The art of french kissing: If I’m sexually attracted to you I will want to kiss you and the kiss is the tell-tale sign of things to come…A great french kiss does not involve lots of saliva (no dogs drooling at the table) nor does it involve the limp tongue (dead fish) nor does it involve face sucking. It’s an art that is learned. It’s very sensual and arouses the senses.

“The Kiss” I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor, wrapping my arms around you as you pull me close. “I want to kiss you all over” by Exile is playing in the background. With eyes closed I slowly make my way to your lips. My mouth touches yours. I wait patiently for you to let me in. Slowly, you open your mouth. My tongue cautiously enters, prodding, feeling its way into the darkness. Our tongues meet and become one; dancing, caressing…

NO PRESSURE!!!!

Online Dating: My new profile on a paying dating site

I switched to a paying website to see if there was a better caliber of men who actually want to meet. It’s all a marketing game. Strategic positioning, changing pictures, profiles helps shake things up.  My current profile reads:

I am doing a search and this ad for coupons for the online dating site keeps on popping up on the bottom right of my screen. It reminds me of a small dog jumping up and down. I x it off and low in behold it comes right back. Doesn’t it get it I’m just not that into it….Hmmm….

Humor let’s our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route. I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up some from known unknown.

Come ride with me and leave your GPS at home. The trip is so much more fun when.you don’t have a clue to what’s behind the door or know what’s in the curve ahead. Carry on baggage is preferred when straying off the beaten path for new adventures.

Seek and you will find? A confidant, a lover, or a friend. All of the above would be a jolly old time as well. Run wild by my side. Be my equal but don’t try to tame me. I am looking for a man who is passionate in who he is and what he stands for. A man who is not afraid to stand at the plate and swing and miss. One who follows his own path, not what others tell him (society).

If you are intelligent, adventurous, fun, loves to laugh (does anyone remember laughter?), flirtatious, sensual, spontaneous…then come and knock on my door and say hello. Do you hear the theme song to Three’s Company? I would love to get to know you, especially if you are an ISEC.

Sexual Chemistry is a must…unless we are just platonic friends.

An Enigma, a contradiction in terms and a free spirit-the girl in 3D.

All around girl who is passionate in what she does and what she believes in. Not your average girl. I come from a creative talented family who believes in following dreams and making them a reality. A rebel with a cause. Don’t label me I am not a can of soup. The poem, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost is my favorite-the words ring true it’s what I live by.

Traveling, seeing the world is amazing. Interlaken, Switzerland is beautiful. The rivers from the glacier melts are turquoise blue. It’s off the beaten path, but well worth the trip. To see the sculpture “The Kiss” by Rodin in Paris up close is very sensual. Life is full of adventures, I’m heading out, do you want to come?

Here’s a little ditty I made up:

If I choose to love only you.
Your heart must be free to love only me

I will leave you with a few quotes; some that I made up and others from Authors unknown (If you know who coined it, let me know not no):

“Laugh at your own problems, everybody else does.”

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

“Some people hear voices…Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.”

“I never get lost; it just takes me a little longer to get home.”

“What’s the difference between a man and ET? ET phoned home.”

What’s up with texting goodbyes? Is the conversation over? Hello is anyone out there? Can you hear me? Hellllooooooo…

“I am not looking to tie you down, chain you up or run you over with your truck. That goes ditto for me except I don’t drive or own a truck.”

Smile you are on Candid Camera.

******************************

I will be changing it again very soon. It’s an interesting past time to say the least.

 

Texting: Where are your manners when it’s time to say goodbye?

"Tied Up"

What’s up with texting? Is there no etiquette to ending the conversation? See you, good-bye, enjoy, chow, talk later. Its’ like being on hold with no music. Did they hang up? Are we still having a conversation? Did they walk away and forget?

….Hello is anyone out there?Those who use texting as their only tool for conversation are those who don’t give a flying hoot about communication.  All right, there are exceptions to the rule.

  • They are in a bad cell area and texting is the only form of communication that they have (they must have Verizon).
  • They have been kidnapped and texting is the only form of communication that they have.
  • They are stranded on a deserted island and texting is the only form of communication they have.
  • They have lost their voice and texting is the only form of communication they have.

Oh did I say that before? Am I repeating myself? I get it.

One can text and then leave the other dangling by never saying goodbye or finishing the conversation.

Yesterday for example I was conversing with a guy from Match. His user name is Loves2Dive (I changed it to protect the guilty). He is a commercial diver which I find interesting so I emailed him and he responded. We conversed a few times and then he emailed me his cell so I called it and left a message.

Apparently he only converses with fishes not mermaids. After not hearing from him for a few hours (maybe he didn’t get the voice mail message) I text him. Heaven behold he replied right back via text.. Aaaahhh the text, hiding behind one’s words not voice. We exchanged a few messages and then nothing. The line went dead.

Patient as  I am. I waited. Well it was his day off as he said and that he was lounging about. Whatever….He couldn’t peel himself off from the couch, apparently. He couldn’t even bother saying he wasn’t interested. He could have said something. Something is always better than nothing.  It’s rude plain and simple. If I am not interested in someone I tell them. I say something to that effect.  When I text and want to finish the conversation I say: Talk later or see you, have fun, something as ending the conversation. Why can’t I get that in return?

So now I write about it. I get it He’s just not that into me. He is a collector of cell numbers. Hmmm….

Thank God for NEXT!

 

Texting: Deciphering the acronyms

SYMBOLS:

On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-) :( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. There is a new law that went into effect regarding word rage. In order to avoid rattling off nasty texts because we don’t understand what the other has said, we must put these :) symbols in so people don’t fly off the handle.

CAPITAL LETTERS:
I am told means that the person is UPSET!

And everyone’s favorite is, the
acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I
can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny
in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh
just like the laugh tracks on the comedy TV shows…

When someone text me LMAO. I thought he was telling me I was a lame. I had no idea that it meant, laugh my ass off.
LMFAO = laugh my fuckin’ ass off

The Faceless Creature

Do those who hide behind their masks seek truth? Or, are they afraid of the perceptions of those who judge them?

Have you seen him? Does he look very similar to others? Apparently there are many of them. Can you tell them apart? Hmmmm….

I understand online dating is equivalent to the blind date. I know that many women say looks aren’t everything. But who are we kidding? To me it’s the whole package. I am not one to fall in love with a faceless creature. This is not “Beauty & The Beast”. My mind conjures up images of what I seek, what I fantasize about. His written words might intrigue me and I may converse for a time but I am curious to know what lies on the outside.

Sexual chemistry is not just his soul but his physical prowess. He doesn’t have to be a Greek god. I’ve met beautiful men who are eye candy but once the mouth opens, I just want to duct tape it shut. Nor does he have to be Zeus aka the upside down triangle but he shouldn’t be a weeble wobble but don’t fall down body type either. Taking care of the body is important to me. It means he wants a healthy body to keep him from death’s door.

The face is the window to his soul. It could be something as simple as his smile, or the twinkle in his eyes that captures my interest. I want to know more. Pictures tell 1000 words. I understand it’s not everything but it’s a start. I’ve spoken to the “No Face” and asked about his picture. The responses are the same. The picture is too small and the dating site won’t allow him to put it on. He’s not photogenic, he’s not… Why doesn’t he just tell me he’s in the witness protection program or wanted by the FBI? It’s the same thing. It’s an excuse to hide behind.

When one hides behind the mask it shows insecurity and deception. It also lowers the bar on trust. If you are serious about knowing who I am, show me your face.

To Pay or Not To Pay That is the ?

I was on a free online dating site;  but I wanted to know if there was a difference in quality of men on paying sites. So I signed up on a online dating site where one must pay for service.  My feeling is that if you have to pay for it you will want to meet in person. There will be less introverts and more extroverts on paying sites. That was my theory.  Boy was I wrong. It’s the same caliber of men just recycled-like the evening news.

When push comes to shove the majority of people really don’t want to meet in person. Online dating is fantasy land. “Ooh baby baby. let’s get it on.” It’s a video game. Texting, sexting, phone conversations, emailing, IM, video chatting whatever todays flavor, keeps people at arm’s length. It’s all the same mumbo jumbo crap. It’s better not to have to get involved with an actual human being. The thought of another horrible blind date is more than most can bear.

Sitting at home at our computer in our sloppy clothes, stuffing our face with high calorie food is comforting. Knowing that we can create the fantasy of what that person is like and our persona that we created is better than real life.

They: Who the hell are they and why are they so important?

A very popular online dating site is running commercials stating that 1 in 5 relationships start on their site. Hmmmm…. How do they really know that? Did they survey every single person on this planet aka Earth and ask how they met their significant other? Did they poll a number of people in the U.S? Did they poll only those on their site? I would like to know where they are getting their information? As we all know polls are statistics and can favor anything.  They can be skewed to favor what they want us to believe. Are we all suckers?

Let’s break down what 1 in 5 really equals. If 5 is 100% then 1 is 20%. 20% of people polled said that their relationships started on this online dating site.  However, 80% (over 3/4), met their significant other somewhere else. 80% is the majority. When you think about it-20% doesn’t sound that important. Anything over the majority would sound believable and could be taken seriously.

Why do they think we are ignorant? Are people watching to many reality shows? Are we in technology overload? Is this turning our fragile brains into strained carrots?

Who are they and how do they know? Are they more believable than you, me and I? Apparently they back up our stories, tales we weave. They lend credibility to what we are saying. They are our allies. They are our friends.

Can they match that?

Do they know how to match?

Texting aka NO Tongue For YOU-Why bother having one?

What is up with the Hynes Bridge detour signs in Amesbury/Newburyport? It should be called: Can’t get there from here. Whom ever put those signs up was having a little fun, at my expense. They were actually saying: I don’t want you to get where you are going which is right here so I am going to make it as complicated as possible for you to get there. I was so close but so far. :) Oh man! Have mercy on me now! LOL!!!

But apparently it didn’t matter because when one uses texting as a form of the only communication (men of a certain age under 56), lines get crossed and yada yada yada you know what happened with this story… What could have been a great, fun day turned out to be…NOT!!!…So boys & men if you are interested in me call me with your vocal chords…it’s very simple…When I call you to let you know that I’m on my way but have been detained due to a detour, call me back!!! My number shows up on your cell as missed call-voice mail. You know we have plans check the Gosh Darn phone! (I’m being polite for all those god fearing people out there).

Then I don’t have to wait around for hours at the place we are meeting (Not Your Average Joe’s in Newburyport, MA) thinking you blew me off. As steam or is it smoke? starts to come out of my ears and I’m getting very annoyed. Patience is not a virtue of mine. Have you figured that out yet?!

I’m thinking; “How dare you blow me off! You haven’t even met me yet, blow me off after you meet me!” So after a few drinks I start to rattle off nasty texts that I don’t mean because I’m mad at you. You get my point? Why is this so complicated? Life was so much easier before texting became the only form of communication.

I don’t want to be in a drama movie…LOL! I feel like Kramer: SERENITY NOW! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The waiting game

 

Silly conversations with men & my observations about online dating

ImageHere’s a conversation I had with a guy recently and it went like this:

Me: “You’re like God. The first 4 days you ride your bike, the 5th day you go to the gym and the 7th day (Sunday) you rest. But what do you do on the 6th day?”

Him: “It’s a secret!”

Me: “Well I will have to ask God about that! Because, God spelled backwards is Dog. And dog is man’s / wo-mans (woman’s) best friend and she will tell me because women can’t keep secrets for more than 32 minutes!”

************

I saw this on the Internet (no author) and I put it into my HotChild2012 profile because men like to laugh and they like women who have a sense of humor: “This note was on a restaurant door: “We are closed due to short staff” Then someone wrote underneath it: “Hire taller staff cuz I want a taco.”

**************

My observations: Men & women are like socks. They are great as a pair, but once you wash them they never appear together again. Eventually you find a sock attached to something else-just like the demise of a relationship.

**************

Humor lets our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route.

**************

I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up & some from known & unknown

************

Chatting on-line is equivalent to chatting with a stranger on the street. We may say hello & chat, then go our separate ways, never our paths to meet again. If I don’t respond to you it means I’m not into you. Don’t keep on writing or write nasty notes to me. Hey kids can’t we all play in the same sandbox? Geeze Louise!!!!

LOL…:-)

Date with TallSouthernBoy: Is he as good in real life as he is on paper?

I’ve been chatting via email, texting & sexting with Aaron aka TallSouthernBoy for over a month now. I have yet to converse with him via vocal chords. I find this unsettling because I always conjure up images in my head about the guy and how his voice resonates. And when I finally meet him my fantasies come crashing down. The human voice seals the deal. He could be the greatest guy but if his voice irritates my senses (finger nails on a black board) then I can’t get past that. My sensitive ears and soul oh my. I am rambling must get back to the date with Aaron.

He texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him in Boston at a new hip restaurant. I agreed. Since he doesn’t have a car, I would drive into Cambridge and park at Alewife, take the Red Line to Park then the Green line to Copley. As the day approached I felt like a  school girl getting ready for her first date.

My friend Chloe, a hair stylist gave me a great cut. Since Aaron’s favorite turn on is thigh high black nylons I went to Macy’s to get a few pairs (runs are common so one must get more than one for that just in case). I was meeting him at 7 pm and it was already 5 pm. Okay one more glance in the mirror-You look smashing-go get him.

Of course best laid plans always go off with a hitch. I breezed right into Cambridge but it became a parking lot a 1/4 mile from Alewife. It took me almost a half hour to park-I could have walked. Found a place to park and ran to the train. Apparently MBTA decided to make my life a little more complicated-No more people at the ticket counter-machines only. Ugh. I just want a token to get me on the damn train. Nope machine is being difficult. 10 more minutes pass. It’s close to 6:30. My phone is ringing-its Aaron I answer and I hear his voice for the first time. It’s soothing to the ears-phew. He just got to the restaurant and wanted to know my ETA. Hopefully 7 I hear myself saying as long as the trains behave.

Famous last words. I get on the RedLine and it stops for 10 minutes in the middle of nowhere. I finally get to the Green line and apparently I am on the wrong side of the tracks. I race to the other side (heels were not made for running the 100 yard dash) and get on the overcrowded sardine train.

Arriving to my destination at 7:15, I see Aaron sipping wine at a table. He looks around and sees me and smiles. He stands up yes he is quite tall 6’4″ could be a little taller due to the cowboy boots he is wearing.  We size each-other up. He has gained about 40 pounds of fat (his pictures are of a sexy athletic man). He’s growing some kind of fuzzy beard. He reminds me of John Adams (the President). Okay. Maybe I can get past this-since he’s quite intelligent and sexual.

We hug and sit down. He asks me if I would like a glass of wine and I order a Riesling. We chat for a bit. It’s apparent he is an  arrogant son of a bitch. He’s talking about how Americans don’t appreciate Architects and he has to go abroad to South America because Americans can’t afford him.

I have this feeling of throwing my glass of wine in his face and walking out but I refrain. I am famished and drinking wine on an empty stomach is making me light-headed. He asks if I’m hungry-I tell him that I’m famished. “There’s a great little pub around the corner that serves great home style food” he tells me (the one good thing he has told me all night).

I smile and tell him that sounds good. Let’s go. We walk a few blocks to the pub making small talk along the way. Dinner is uneventful he talks more about himself and my mind starts to wonder. Finally dinner is over. He asks me if I want to see his projects at his apartment which is a block from here. Instead of saying what’s on my mind, I tell him yes.

He pays for dinner and we leave. I would like to leave without him as well. But I did spend 2 hours getting here I might as well try to enjoy myself. Maybe his projects are worth it. We arrive at his studio apartment and he shows me his designs & prototypes.  Interesting but useful? Hmmmm. The jury is still out on that.

Then he turns around and kisses me. My eyes are closed (I can’t bear to open them) and we kiss. I’m thinking of his pictures he was eye candy-so cute. Maybe just maybe he is a good kisser?

Nope. He kisses like a dog at the kitchen table aka the wet kiss and the limp tongue aka the dead fish. I open my eyes and see him for what he really is. I can’t do this. I push him away and put on my coat and tell him thanks for the evening but I have to go. I literally run out the door. I felt as though I had a panic attack-I couldn’t breath.

I’m on the redline heading back when he texts me and asks me what is wrong. I contemplate what to say. Finally I text him back. Oblivious to my surroundings I look up. The train has stopped and it is void of people. I’m dressed in my long red coat, black dress, and heels. I have my new cell phone in my left hand as I peer out of the train. All of a sudden the doors close on me and my cell phone drops from my hand. I kick it with my left leg-it reaches safety away from the tracks.

A passerby comes to my rescue. I ask him to retrieve my cell phone for me. He picks it up and puts it back in my hand.  I am still stuck in the door flailing about (half in half out) what a sight I must have been. Finally the doors open-I am free. Being stuck in the door was the highlight of my bad date. It was the funniest thing that happened to me all night.

LMAO

Online dating: Sexting aka Talk Dirty to me…

Image

TallSouthernBoy finally called me on my cell, but not via vocal chords; texting. Apparently texting is the new voice. NO TONGUE FOR YOU! Why bother having one, if you only know how to write in codes not real words or speak via vocal chords! BTW: I’m being sarcastic can’t you tell?

This is a funny quote (I’m not sure who wrote it but it makes me laugh): “I want to suck you, lick you, wanna move my tongue all over you…wanna feel you in my mouth. Yep, tat’s how I eat, an ice-cream.

Haha! :-)

Texting or Sexting:  Conversation between HotChild2012 and TallSouthernBoy:

TallSouthernBoy: “Stuck at school working on a project, thinking of you-can’t stop.

HotChild2012: And what are you thinking about?

TallSouthernBoy: I’m thinking about kissing you all over, feeling your warm skin against mine.

HotChild2012: Hmmmm…You feel good. I wrap my arms around you and pull you close while “Kiss You All Over” by Exile is playing in the background

TallSouthernBoy: I unbutton your blouse and undo your bra and cup your breasts, bending down and kissing, suckling each one until they are hard mounds.

HotChild2012: MMMmmm. My body is swaying. I bite my lip and arch my back. God You feel sooo good. Keep on doing it…

TallSouthernBoy: Whatever you want…I will do. My cock is getting so hard…

HotChild2012: I reach down and feel the outline of your cock- hard against my body

TallSouthernBoy: God I want you…

********************************

Our first sexting that was fun; can we do it again? I’m all hot and bothered. LOL! I just hope he is as good in real life as he is on paper…

Online dating: HotChild2012 conversation with TallSouthernBoy

Continuation of my last blog – Hotchild’s profile & results

My conversation with tallsouthernboy

Hello,

“We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at least the truth that is given to us to understand.”     Pablo Picasso.

Want to go riding with me? I have 2 mares. You can use your own saddle. We share the same interests and have similar backgrounds. I come from a creative talented family. My father is a retired Architect, my oldest sister is a writer in France, my younger sister Director/Producer in LA, and my youngest sister is an Artist in LA.  My passion is Sustainable Architecture. Great architecture is in my blood (no plop buildings need apply).         -JK

TallSsouthernBoy

Hi! I am interested in riding with you. It’s actually amazing how similar our interests  are. I just got back from a long trip to Tennessee playing with my big sweet horse…ugh I’m home sick already

HotChild2012

Hello again,

Road trips are wonderful. You can always go home again. I’m glad you got to hang out with your buddy…my girls are my kids…they make me laugh. I am Jackie and you are____________________(this is where you insert your first name. You can call me on my cell phone if you want to converse via vocal chords & or meet. I think we could be great friends.   I would love to come into Boston and check  out the new addition of the Isabella  Stewart Gardner Museum. My father designed the Green Houses at the Gardner in the late 60’s early 70’s. They tore them down to build the new addition. Hmmm…. If you would like to check it out with me then give me a call.        – JK

         HotChild2012

Hello my friend,

It was interesting chatting with you last night.  I’m new to IM chatting.

Sustainability is a way of life. For 1000’s of years man has been green. They were in  harmony with nature. They understood the benefits of the sun as a heat source. The Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings in Colorado are a perfect example of this. The Pueblo Indians built their dwellings into the south-facing cliffs.  They understood Passive Solar.

The site and topography are the most important ingredient in building. Frank  Lloyd Wright summed it up best when he said: “No house should ever be on a hill or on anything. It should be of the hill. Belonging to it. Hill and house should live together each the happier for the other”.

I have a proposition for you and it’s not sexual. LOL! Call me when you have a moment. It involves real estate & sustainable affordable architecture.

JK , Sustainable Designer

TallSouthernBoy

You are very sweet to send me this note :)  I’m am Aaron. Nice to chat with you. I actually worked with a team for the solar house in 2011 and recently  designed a 10K house for tsunami relief in Japan made of entirely  recycled and recyclable plastics that allow 70% UV filtered light  through the skin to be absorbed by a large water tank.

Sounds like we have some very similar interests indeed…what are you up to today? I’m sorry I haven’t called you on your cell. I’m in a place where cell service sucks.          A

HotChild2012

Hello Aaron aka IS :)

Regarding your excuse for not calling. I will forgive you. I wasn’t sure if you actually know how to use a phone or speak via voice aka vocal chords! I am not so sure you do!!! Time will tell! LOL!!!   Regarding design/build. Hats off to you for your ability to use innovative Sustainable thinking/design/materials. It’s amazing what one can accomplish when pushing the envelope. I would love to see your projects.

Final note on quotes:

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” – David Brinkley

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief  in a thing makes it happen.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“You can design & create, and build the most wonderful place in  the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality.” – Walt     Disney

Happy trails,

JK

TallSouthernBoy

so I’m curious of your proposition…       – A

HotChild2012

He was always a good little monkey and always very curious… :)   Call me & I will tell you. I think it would be a great project to work     on especially for your academics.        JK

TallSouthernBoy

I would be open to all kinds of propositions from you :)         –A

HotChild2012

All hah!!!? I will be your mentor!  – Mrs Robinson (The Graduate) Hahahaha!!!!

TallSouthernBoy

Now you have my attention….my erect…ahem..direct     -A

HotChild2012

See if I saw you in person this is what would happen: I want  to suck you, lick you, wanna move my tongue all over you. Wanna feel you in     my mouth…Yep, tat’s how I eat an…ice cream!!!! Hahaha

My online profile on a popular free online dating service and the results.

HotChild2012 profile:

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” -Steven Wright.

According to … I have no personality! They are judging me without even knowing me! Hmmmm. I refuse to subjugate myself to a fish type! LOL! -JK Hars

“Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

Musings, humorous lines, conversations and or observations that make me laugh from some that I made up and the rest from others (If you know who coined the phrase please let me know – I saw them on the internet without the Authors-too shame!)

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

“I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.”

“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”

Are you getting the hint? Intelligent, passionate, fun-loving, adventurous, all round girl who’s in need of comic relief. I can’t take anymore drama (okay maybe a little to shake things up)! Looking for (a girl can dream can’t she?) a man who is…Ideally: ISEC. Physical attributes: Eye Candy who makes my heart skip a beat-easy on the eyes. One who is fit-in shape (not upside down triangles but no weeble wobbles but they don’t fall down body types either). One who can keep up with me in the… One who has more hair on head than on rest of body (not bald-No Kojaks, no George Constanzas). And most important a full set of healthy teeth for smiling-no toothless rotted teeth grins).

Emotional attributes: Must have Passion. Sexual attraction/chemistry is a must if we are more than friends. A brain and a wit (No male bimbos need apply or Mimbo as Jerry Seinfeld says to Elaine):) One who makes me laugh and makes me kiddy and giddy. Flirt with me.

Run wild by my side, but don’t try to tame me. Be my confidant, my lover and my friend.

I want to be the great book you can’t put down…

If you can do all this, on paper and in real life then we will have the time of our lives.

BTW: I am really 46 years young, 130.5 pounds and 5′ 7 1/2″ short. I am not ready to be put in the box that says 46-54. I don’t feel it or look it. So there! LOL!

“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.” (unknown)

fenced cows
This fence keeps the cows in

Even the days of the week spell WTF (W)ednesday (T)hursday (F)riday. WTF is up with … and their picture rules? UGH! So silly. Stupid rules need to be broken…SERENITY NOW!!! Also I had a great picture of a fence that looked like cows they took it off but I put it back on…Rebel with a cause! What a riot….!

By the way 8 pictures of the same, me, myself and I in different locations and poses? Hmmmmm… Now that’s original! :)

If you got this far, then you don’t have ADHD (creative types I understand) and you can read more than a sentence that’s brownie points for you. :)

On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. CAPITAL LETTERS I am told means that the person is upset. And everyone’s favorite is, the acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh just like the laugh tracks on TV comedy shows)…Hmmmmmmm……………..

First Date

I don’t drink coffee so that’s out-well you can drink it, I am not your mother. :) Casual atmosphere, no pressure just great conversation and laughter. Keep it simple…

***************************

Results of my long profile with pictures. I have received 11 emails from men. Let me take a look. Some men have actually read not red the whole profile, before messaging me. Kudos to them. Others have just looked at the pictures and obviously not read my profile. Hmmmm….I must weed. There are revisions in the works.

What is it with spelling and grammar? Yes I know I’m not the best in that field but at least I try. When I don’t know how to spell a word I look it up in the dictionary (the kind that actually has pages that turn as in a book).

Many men on this site don’t know how to spell or take the time to look at what they wrote before they send it off to me. That is a turn off. So moral of the story: read my entire profile. If you want to send me a message please use the spell checker or a reliable dictionary and make the corrections before you send it to me. I will respond in kind. I know I am venting but don’t you hear the sarcasm in my rants?  Ugh!

Three messages from married men. What is up with the stray dog? Apparently he isn’t neutered. Not happy? Get a divorce.  I have no desire to be their psychiatrists or their fools or both. I must block them from contacting me.

Who else has written? This guy sounds interesting: TallSouthernBoy: 29, Boston, MA, educated-going to school for his Masters in Design, has traveled outside the U.S and he is very cute. He wrote: Hello, You have a very interesting profile. I think it’s one of the longest I’ve read. :) It’s actually amazing how similar our interests are. One horse lover to another. Hope to hear back. – Aaron

I think I will have to write back to this cowboy…a boy after my own heart…

********************************

Next post conversations with TallSouthernBoy

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-)

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-).

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-)

I have been on various online dating sites on and off for the past couple of years. Not searching for my true love (been there done that). I am looking for someone that I enjoy spending time with. Someone who is a confidant, a lover and a friend. I started off with a serious passionate profile about who I am and who I am looking for, but over time I grew bored. Time for a change.

Re-invention works: Look at Madonna & Cher. Knowing your target market and then going after it is one of the ingredients to success. This rules works in all facets of life-both business and personal. It’s a numbers game and if you want to be successful at it you have to know how to play.

A few months ago I decided to try an experiment, a marketing ploy. What do men love about women? What do they want? After reading many male profiles, the reoccurring theme is that men want a woman who is a fun ISEC (Intellectual Stimulating Eye Candy-I made that up). Hmmmmm….Okay, I can do that.

Off to the writing board. Keep it light and make them laugh are my objectives. First, I need a UserName which will catch their eye. Well, the song “HotChild in The City” comes to mind, so HotChild2012 is my Username. Next, a compelling headline which will draw them in: I got it! “Mrs. Robinson Looking For…LOL :)” says it all. Older woman aka a Cougar looking for a younger man…Every younger man’s fantasy -“Come here Benjamin”. (The Graduate). LOL is all the rage for acronyms (laugh out loud or lot’s of love) and symbols let others know our emotions :)

All right, I got this far, I’m on a roll. The online dating site wants me to write a Profile. What to write? It’s telling me I must write a minimum of100 characters. Let me think about this. Something funny-one liners or funny quotes would be the theme.  I will start out with various quotes from others. Well maybe I should write about what makes me laugh. Oh this will work. “Humor let’s our guard down, it’s a way into the front door, but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route”. -ME. How true is that?

I will write about my experiences of online dating:  My musings, observations, and conversations. The good, the bad and the ugly. Instead of venting in an angry way, I will turn my horrible experiences into comical experiences. Telling a story, getting my point across in a comical way will make men understand who I am and what I am looking for from them without the fear of retribution. I will let you in on a little secret: You must refrain from doing the following when in the company of men you like: Don’t talk about your ex husband, boyfriend, etc. and, do not complain about their species. Also bitching is not cool. Remember keep it light, men can’t deal with drama (granted they are the ones that help create the drama – leaving us to fend off their stupidity). But; aah that’s for another day.

I didn’t just write 100 characters but 1000’s – 4 pages later. Revised a few times-I like it. I’m done for now. I did it on purpose because a long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence. I am looking for ISEC’s who make me laugh; remember what that acronym is-you will be quizzed.

The writing is done. Next. Oh no! The dreaded pictures. I need to post up to eight pictures of me, myself and I. Hmmmmm….this is bringing back bad memories. Ever since I was a child I hated having my pictures taken-I cried.

Okay, I can do this. I can be strong.  Let’s see what I have for pictures. Ugh! I have none that are acceptable. I need sexy pictures in various poses. Sexy does not mean crude. Nor does it include the dreaded duck or kissy face (men can’t stand that look-so don’t do it).

The photo shoot. Objective, to dazzle men with my best assets my legs, smile and exotic look. I decided to take pictures of myself because the instantaneous nature of it, the minimal cost and quality control. It is the Scorpio in me, I must confess-control freak.

Creativity and an artistic sense, however, is important to get the right pictures. Hints: Take many pictures (100’s if you must and experiment with light and props. Also make sure the background is acceptable (no dirty clothes on the floor, toilet seat up, etc). Certain people look at the background of the pictures-it tells all our dirty little secrets. Cropping on a photo program is very useful.

I’m done (1000 pictures later). Everything looks great I can upload the eight pictures to my profile. Now it’s time to make it live…Let’s see what happens…

Next time: The results are in…

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: