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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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The X is Real: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Honeymoon stage is over as Mr Hyde comes to town
Hot and Cold

Jonathan and I had a great weekend together, Friday turned into Saturday. Saturday turned into Sunday. We just hung out at his house, cooking, laughing, listening to music and making love. He’s a man of many talents it’s a wonder that Julie cheated on him. Neither of us brought up his ex’s voice mail, I guess we didn’t want to ruin a good time.

I kiss him goodbye on Sunday evening. He’ll be out of cell phone range for the next four days until Thursday, working on a new home up in the mountains. But we are getting together Friday night so that won’t be too bad. I’m realizing how much I miss him, his voice, his laugh, his touch. He has touched my heart.

But the drama queen invades my thoughts as it keeps on replaying Julie’s message in my head like a broken record. Jealousy is raising its ugly head. “Stop it!” I say aloud. I look around, thankfully no one hears me.

Finally, I get a text on Friday: “Hey Hun, miss you”

All those feelings of insecurity vanish. He misses me. Why am I worrying so much? Things are going great. He wants me not her.

“Miss you too, can’t wait to see you tonight” I reply.

“I can’t tonight because we ran into issues at the house so I won’t be back until Saturday afternoon. I’ll make it up to you-can you come over Saturday round 5 and stay the night?”

“Hopefully you can work it out. And yes, I’ll be there.”

“Yeah me too. See you soon.”

“Goodbye,” I say as I look down at the phone. Hmmm…

Saturday I pack my bag and head to his house. It’s been a week but it feels like an eternity since we last saw each other. As I park in his driveway, he comes out to greet me. He opens the car door and helps me out.

“What a gentleman you are,” I say as we kiss.

“I try to be,” he says as he helps me with my bag.

Arm and arm we walk into the house.

“How did it go? What were the problems?” I ask as we walk into the kitchen.

Looking annoyed he proceeds to tell me. “A couple of cabinets were broken, which we didn’t see until after the boxes were opened, missing finished ends, the microwave electrical outlet was in the wrong place and the cabinets didn’t fit the design.”

“That sucks. How did you resolve it?”

He walks over and opens the refrigerator, “Would you like a beer, I’m in need of one” he pulls two out before I have a chance to say yes.

He opens the beers and hands one to me as he guzzles one down. “I had to drive to 30 minutes to town to call Alex the Designer and Lisa the Project Manager, since there isn’t any cell service on or near the property. What a fiasco, but we got it straightened out. I had to videotape the issues and send it to them. Some cabinets need to be re-ordered, the electrician needs to come back out and move the outlet. And I will be heading back up there Monday for the week. But enough shop talk. How are you doing?”

“Life is good,” I say with a smile.

He walks over to me and takes my hand. I put down my beer and follow him. He stops, turns around and starts slow dancing with me.

I just look at him and laugh.

“What?” he asks as he kisses my neck.

“We’re dancing in your kitchen, but I like it.”

“Oh good, because I’m putting the moves on you” he laughs as he spins me around.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Jonathan?”

“Now what makes you think that?” He asks coyly.

I laugh as he dips me. “You’re a man after my own heart.”

“That is the plan”

“Oh really? Hmmm… I like that plan.” I say as we kiss.

As the song ends, his cell phone rings. He doesn’t get it but walks by it. “I’ll let it go to voice mail. I’m going to get another beer would you like one?”

“Yeah sure,” I say as I casually look down at the counter and see the caller is Julie his ex calling again. Then his house phone rings.

“It’s probably Julie since she just tried your cell,” I say slightly annoyed.

“I’m going to put a stop to this right now.” He says as he walks over and picks up the phone.

“Hey, why do you keep calling me? It’s over. You cheated or don’t you remember that? What? Who was in an accident? Sean? What happened?”

Jonathan is pacing as he speaks to Julie. “Okay all right, I’ll be there within a half-hour.” He hangs up the phone and tells me that Sean her son who he helped raise was in a serious car accident. He has to go to the hospital.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry. Do you want me to come with you?” I ask.

“No, but stay here I will be back in a few hours.” He says as he grabs his coat and phone and gives me a kiss goodbye.

“Okay, I’ll stay. Call me and let me know what’s happening.”

He rushes out of the house giving me the thumbs-up sign. I watch him leave. As I walk around the house, a melancholy feeling comes over me. They share a child together? He never told me that. Even though Sean isn’t his biological son he must still feel a close bond to him. That is something I won’t get in the middle of it but I wonder if he told her about us? If not he needs to tell her.

The minutes turned to hours. I’m hungry so I make dinner for us and nibble on some bread and cheese and drink wine while I wait for him to return. It’s 11 o’clock and still no word. I’m not sure what to do. Dinner for one, I sit alone, eating and thinking. His dinner is getting cold so I put it in the refrigerator. The wine has gone to my head and I’m a bit tipsy as I walk to the living room couch with a full glass of wine in my hand. After placing the glass on the coffee table, I throw a few more logs into the woodstove and close the glass door. I look at my phone and see that it’s almost midnight. He hasn’t called and I’m worried. What’s happening? I text him, but no reply.

I’m starting to get fidgety. Being a bit under the influence and being worried is not a good combination. I start to think which is not always a good thing. He said that Tuesday he had to go into town to talk to the designer and project manager, but he didn’t even bother texting or calling me when he had cell service? It wasn’t until Friday, the day we were getting together that he texted me. Hmmm… I take a sip of Riesling, contemplating this revelation.

I lie on the couch with a blanket over me to keep me warm as I watch the flames dance. I look at my phone one last time and it’s 2am. My eyes are getting heavy and sleep is beckoning. Finally, I fall into a restless sleep. I awake to the sun’s rays streaming onto my face. I’m still on the couch but where is Jonathan? As soon as I jump up I grab my throbbing head and walk to the bedroom and open the door. He’s sound asleep, snoring away. He never called or texted me to let me know the situation. And he didn’t even wake me up to come to bed with him when he got home.

I know I could have snuck into bed with him but my annoyance got the better of me. I tiptoed to my stuff, picked them up and quietly left. It wasn’t until 4pm that he called me.

“Where did you go?” I woke up and you were gone! No note-nothing!

I responded: “I could ask the same about you! I waited all night at your house but you never called and then I wake up on the couch and find you in bed! WTF!”

“I don’t know why you are getting so upset? I told you Sean was in a serious accident. I found out at the hospital that he broke five ribs and had a serious concussion. He had to stay overnight for observation. That’s why I didn’t come back.”

I retorted, “I know and I’m sorry about what happened to him, but why couldn’t you call me and let me know? That’s all I wanted. I was worried!”

“I wasn’t thinking about you, okay I was only thinking about Sean. I’m sorry.”

I was speechless. He wasn’t even thinking about me. He didn’t even think to call me and let me know what happened or what he was doing or what time he would be home.

I tried to choose my words carefully, “Why didn’t you wake me when you got home so I could come to bed with you?”

“I was exhausted and you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you and I just wanted to sleep alone.”

His sharp words pierce through my heart.

“I gotta go before I say something I’m going to regret.” I hang up.

Click. At this moment I long for the days when we had real telephones that we could slam down the receiver so the other person knew how we felt. Maybe they should make an end call sound for those occasions!

When I’m extremely mad I either yell or become silent. Today I chose the latter. I refuse to talk until I calm down and think things through. I don’t want to say something that I will regret. It’s just the way I am, but Jonathan is different. He wants to get it out right away, so he proceeds to call me 15 times in a row. His last two calls he leaves three minute incoherent but nasty voicemails and then starts texting me. It’s almost as though he has obsessive-compulsive behavior.

He must be drunk since he is slurring his words. I guess my silence infuriates him but does he have to call so many times and leave nasty messages? WTF is wrong with this dude? Can’t he just leave me alone for a while and then call back and apologize instead of going off on a nutty rant? The honeymoon stage is over-Mr. Hyde has come to town.

 

His Ex: Dating or Whatever We Call It

I’m working on a kitchen remodel when I get a text from Jonathan asking if I would like to come over for dinner and then some…tonight at 7.

I reply “yes. See you at 7. Should I bring anything?”

“Just you and dress warm” he replies.

I smile and text back “Okay just me”.

It’s been a busy day meeting with clients and working on revisions but I manage to leave the office by 5:30. It’s a Friday evening and traffic is crawling so I jump off the highway and take the scenic backroads home. I get home a little after 6 but I manage to shower and get ready in less than 30 minutes. I’m wearing jeans, my black high heel boots and a sweater. I throw on my winter coat, hat and gloves and check myself in the mirror one last time before heading out into the chilly night air.

It’s nippy out in the high 30’s, but it’s a clear night with a full moon casting its light across the dark landscape. I arrive at his house a few minutes after 7. The smell of a charcoal fire is in the air. It smells good. I ring the door bell and he hollers to come in. He’s in the kitchen cooking, cutting up vegetables. U2 is playing in the background on the stereo.

“Wow. A man after my own heart.” I say as I walk over and give him a kiss as I take off my jacket.

He smiles and says “There’s a glass of Merlot for you on the counter. I would get it for you but as you see I’m a bit tied up.”

No worries. I can get it. Hmmm. It looks good-what’s on the menu?” I ask as I walk over to pick up the glass of wine.

“Ribeyes, potato medley and asparagus. I thought we’d grill since it’s a perfect night to watch the stars.

“Oh that’s why you told me to wear warm clothing. Aah. I gotcha. It’s beautiful with the full moon. Can I help? I ask.

“Sure. If you can cut up the onions and peppers? That would be great. Thank you, hun”

My ex and I never cooked together, this is nice. Jonathan is a pro in the kitchen. He gives me a knife and a cutting board. I grab the onions and start peeling them. Right away my eyes start watering.

“I should have worn waterproof eye makeup” I say as tears roll down my face.

“Would you like some goggles?” he asks as he laughs.

“Oh you think it’s funny? I say with a pout. “Yes, please.”

“Do you want me to cut up the onions?

“No I will, I can do this” I say with a smirk.

“I’ll turn on the vent for you”

“Thank you. You’re so kind thinking of me” I say sarcastically.

“You know I always think of you” He says as he helps me put his work goggles on.

“Aah you’re so sweet! What size chunks do you want?”

“Cut the onions and peppers in quarters. and then put them in the tin foil with the potatoes”.

“Okay I can do that” I say as I take a sip of wine before continuing cutting up the vegetables.

Once the vegetables except for the asparagus are in the tinfoil Jonathan drizzles olive oil, and adds salt, pepper, paprika and fresh parsley before wrapping it up tightly.

“I checked the grill and it’s ready to go. We’ll put the potato medley on first since it will take the longest, followed by the steak and finally the asparagus. How do you like your steak?”

“I don’t want it walking nor do I want a hockey puck” I say laughing-“Medium-well please”

He looks at me with disdain. “You know you’re ruining a perfectly good steak?”

“But it’s the way I like it. I used to like it well done so I have improved.”

“Hmmm I’ll try my best to cook it to your liking even though it’s killing me to do so.”

“Thank you” I say as I give him a kiss on the lips. He tastes good. His mouth is warm from the wine.

I help him carry out the food to the back patio where the charcoal grill is. The song Bad by U2 is playing.

“Oh I love this song it’s perfect for tonight with the moon and stars and grilling with you. I love being with you.” I say as I dance to the music.

“It’s a great song” he says as he puts the food on the grill. “And I enjoy being with you too.” He says as we look up at the star lit sky.

A shooting star zips by. “Did you see it?”

“Yea that was cool” He says as he puts his arms around me. He feels good holding me so close as we sway to the music.

We hang out by the fire watching the stars and talking. I never met anyone that could carry a conversation for so long. He has had an interesting life and I love listening to his voice. I could listen to it forever.

Even though it’s cold out we have dinner by candlelight next to the fire.

“You’re an amazing cook. Hats off to the chef.” I say as I toast him.

“Thank you. Is the steak to your liking?” He asks.

“It was cooked perfectly and I must say it’s the best meal I’ve had in a very long time.”

“Good I’m glad you like it”. He says as he gets up to clear the plates.

“Let me help you.” I say as I pick up the dishes and put them on the tray to bring into the kitchen.

As I’m walking into the house, the phone rings.

“I’ll let the answering machine get it” I don’t want to talk to anyone but you right now. He says as he goes to put out the fire..

I smile at him as I walk into the kitchen to put the plates into the dishwasher and clean up.

I hear a woman’s voice speaking. “Hello Jonathan it’s me, Julie. It’s been a while and I miss you. I miss your voice, I miss your touch. Call me, you know my number. Bye, babe” The way she’s talking sounds more like she’s purring. Her words jar me. So this is the famous girlfriend who broke his heart. Hmmm…

A tinge of jealousy comes over me. It sounds as though she wants him back. I finish putting the dishes away and walk out to the patio.

“Um your Ex left you a message. She misses you…”

He looks up at me and see’s the concern in my face. “Don’t read too much into it, she’s probably drunk. You have nothing to worry about.”

He reassures me but hearing her voice on his answering machine resonates in my head like a broken record, playing over and over again.

“Okay” is all I can say as I walk back into the house.

I know he had a bad break up, she cheated on him and broke his heart but that was a story, but now she’s real and she’s on his voice mail.

What was a wonderful evening has turned into a night of uncertainty. I know he’s says I have nothing to worry about but this nagging in my gut tells me otherwise…

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The Ex and the Art of Forgiveness: Dating or Whatever We Call It

IMG_4916After breaking up with Michael, I avoid him at all costs in the tiny town we live. Not an easy task, but I find a way to do it. We don’t speak for months until one evening I receive a text from him asking to meet for a drink. Is he drinking and he misses me? WTF? I know better, I should delete it and not respond, but I text back.

We meet at our old hang out, Stella’s. I make sure I’m looking drop dead gorgeous in a mini, sleeveless v cut top and heels accentuating my long legs. He’s already at the bar, sitting nervously. When he sees me he smiles, his black hair cut short and his blue eyes sparkling in the light. God he looks good. I smile back. He gets up and gives me a warm hug.  Mmmm…He’s wearing Old Spice which I love. I breath him in…

We exchange pleasantries, chatting about nothing. “I hope you don’t mind but I ordered you a Riesling”. He says as he looks into my eyes.

“Thank you, you always knew what I liked.” I reply as I take a sip. Liked past tense but he still remembers… As the evening wears on we settle back into our comfortable selves. The nervousness is gone. We’re laughing and talking as though we never broke up. Its great to see him again. He hasn’t changed, his rugged good looks are still in tact.

He touches my hand and I look up.

“I miss you”he says quietly.

I look at him. “Is that why you texted me?”

“Yeah. I know I was a total ass to you. I was in a funk over the winter and I needed to be alone and be an island for a while. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

So many things I want to say and not all good. I look at him and all I can say is “It’s okay. We both needed to be alone.”

All the pain and hurt seem to evaporate with those words: I’m sorry that I hurt you.

“What are you doing about your Bipolar?” I ask.

“I’m seeing a therapist on a weekly basis. She put me on the drug Lamictal, and it has really helped with my mood swings. I feel more even keeled.”

“What is it?”

“It’s used for epileptic seizures but also for mood swings for bipolar. For now I’m just on that but I might need to go on a cocktail of meds. We’ll see. I’m also working out everyday and writing. That’s the best part. I’m focused.”

“That’s great Michael, I’m really happy that you are getting help. I think that was the major reason why we fought.”

“I know. Self medicating on alcohol wasn’t good for me or for us. I’m always going to have this, but I wanted you to know that I’m trying to overcome it.”

I lean over and give him a hug. We hold each other. He feels good in my arms.

I give him a kiss on the cheek: “It’s going to be okay. You’re on the right track and you’re doing something pro-active. I respect you for that.”

“Thanks. I wanted you to know…” His voice trails off as he looks into my eyes.

His eyes are an intense blue green. I could swim in them. I look away.

“What time is it?” I ask

“It’s 11:05” He says.

“Wow we’ve been talking for over 3 hours? I have to go. Long day tomorrow Thank you for the drink.”

As we get up, I turn to him and say, “Its good to see you again Michael.”

He leans over and kisses me on the lips. He tastes good. His soft lips brushing against mine.

He smiles and says: “Good to see you too.”

 

 

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The Bitch Factor: Dating or Whatever We Call It…

IMG_0957Why is it that when lovers ask us to do things for them we do it without bitching, but when we ask lovers to do something for us they say yes then bitch and whine about it?

Last week I was put into a corner taking care of my horse who is injured. I needed help removing and putting new bandages on her leg. I called everyone, but no one could help me, so I text my X. He says, sure. I tell him that it needs to be done twice a week and he’s fine with that because he loves my horses. Relieved and anxiety ridden at the same time. The break up is still fresh. I don’t want to see him but he is good with my horses and I need help.

My quarter horse Locket was injured in a fight with another horse last month and was beaten up. Instead of paying the vet $150 per visit (I was already in the hole for $2500 in vet bills) she suggested I do it myself. She gives me sedation drugs to administer in the muscle in her neck.

I pick Michael up and we head to the barn. It takes 20 minutes to drive and we chat about nothing to pass the time. After I inject Locket with the sedation drug, we have to wait 30 minutes for it to kick in. We go see the other horses in the mean time. We are our old selves laughing enjoying each other’s company. He loves them and its good to see him smile.

After 30 minutes we go back to Locket who is a pill. Michael holds her and I try in vain to clean her wound on her hind leg but she wants nothing to do with it. You would never know she’s sedated. She kicks and nearly misses me. Finally I have to get help.

What should have taken us an hour to re-bandage takes us two hours. I need to get more supplies and Michael suggests that we go and get them on the way back. I thank him for helping me. He says no problem.

The third time I pick him up he’s in a bitchy mood. He’s getting sick again and is miserable. He complains about how long it takes to bandage her. I listen and try to explain but he still bitches. He should have told me that he can’t help me. I would have understood.

My blood is starting to boil and I do everything to stop blurting our that he’s a full blown Dick. Never mind Locket being a drama queen now my X is one as well. Serenity Now! I try to remain calm. I want to tell him to go fuck himself that he is being a narcissist but I don’t. I need him to help me today.

When we get to the barn, it takes longer than usual because the drug is not working and Locket senses our edginess. She’s a Freak! I have no patience and again I have to get someone else to help us. Michael is rolling his eyes.

Thoughts run through my mind. When Michael went away for a week he asked me to take care of his cat. I did. Everyday I drove 30 minutes through inclement weather to feed and care for his beloved cat. Did I complain when I was feeling lousy? No!

When he had a minor operation done and needed help getting back from the doctors office, he asked if I could help him. I said yes. I had to wait 4 hours in the waiting room because it was taking longer than expected. Did I complain to him about it? No! I didn’t. I never complained. I did it because he is a friend and that’s what friends do for each other. They help each other.

Why does he feel the need to bitch to me about helping me when he offered to help? I don’t understand it! He should have said no. That two letter word NO would have been so much easier to say.

Did I say Serenity Now? UGH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The X’s aka The X Factor

Julia with wine friendsIt’s the 3rd date rule apparently, to ask about the X’s. Find out about his/her past. Is he/she commitment material? Well Justin has had a number of X’s. Hmmm…Not sure if that if a good sign or not? Relationships that lasted from 1 month to a few years. Some ended badly others he is now friends with. A number of his x’s he is friends with. Hmmm…

On our second date I asked him (a little ditty I made up).

“If I choose to love only you

Is your heart free to love only me?”

He thought about it for a moment and then said he has love in his heart for others but he is not looking to get back with them. I wanted to know if I should let my walls down and let him in…I suppose his answer was truthful.

I am not jealous…I don’t feel threatened…but one woman in particular-Amanda, I know he still has feelings for. They were together for 9 months but she felt they couldn’t live together or have a future together…They are extremely close even now…Hmmm…

I on the other hand had a one night stand that lasted 15 years; my x husband. I had 2 FWB aka Friends with benefits or no strings attached relationships one lasted 4 years the other 7 plus years.  Those did not end well. I’ve dated many men; I call them “One date wonders”. NEXT! I am extremely choosy on who I let into my life. I am done settling.

I really like Justin, I could see myself with just him. But is he long-term? He seems to end relationships quickly. I don’t know…When the going gets tough is he the type that gets going? His relationships are windows to his soul. I am a little uneasy…

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