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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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#AloneOnChristmas: Dating Or Whatever We Call It

IMG_0397I recently moved to a small northwestern town in the Rocky Mountains. I live in a 400 sf loft condo near the top of a ski mountain 4500 feet above sea level. I’m far away from my friends and family. My new lover has the Holiday Blues and does not want my company. My girlfriend doesn’t want to make the journey up the treacherous mountain road to see me nor do I want to drive down, so I’m alone for Christmas.

The day before I drop off Christmas presents to Michael. I make the effort to make something for him. I enlarge a photo he loves and frame it along with a calendar of my travel pictures. He meets me at the door but doesn’t invite me in. I hand him his presents and he says thank you. We chat for a few minutes then he reaches for something which I think is a present, but it’s a white cotton pad for my injured horse.

That’s my gift? That’s it? He couldn’t even be bothered to get me a card? I’m annoyed. After everything I’ve done for him he gives me zilch, zero, zippo, notta, nothing.  So he has the holiday blues? So what! I kiss him,  say Merry Christmas and leave. I’m annoyed.

At first I resent him for being a jerk but now that it’s Christmas, I’m trying to make the best of it. I’m not going to let him ruin my Christmas. Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I am lonely. Granted it would be nice to be with someone I care about, but that’s not meant to be.

It’s all a state of mind, I tell myself.  I can be miserable or I can make the best of it. Society tells us that we must be with people during the Holidays. We must buy tons of non wanted presents and spend money for people who don’t appreciate us. I nix that idea and do it my way.

It’s snowing and white Christmas is upon me. Instead of being miserable I decide to enjoy my down time. I make a list of all the positive things about being alone on Christmas:

  • I get to watch all my favorite Christmas shows without being interrupted.
  • I don’t have to shhhh anyone.
  • I don’t have to hear snide remarks from others about what I’m watching such as A Year Without A Santa Claus-now that’s a great show.
  • I get to make desserts and lick all the spoons and bowls without having to share with others.
  • I can be in my pajamas all day or run around naked.
  • I don’t have to clean 6 inches of snow off my car and drive down the snowy mountain road holding my breath.
  • I can listen to any music I want without being criticized for my selection.
  • I can sing at the top of my lungs off key and no one judges me
  • I can eat what and when I want since there is no set agenda.
  • I can make my own fire in the wood stove and curl up on the couch without sharing it with anyone.
  • I can make a mess and not worry about cleaning it up for guests
  • I can call all my friends and family without being rude to guests
  • I can dance like Elaine from Seinfeld without being ridiculed
  • I don’t have to visit people and make small talk with strangers

Did I miss anything? Probably, but there’s always next year. So for all those who spent Christmas alone, I salute you even the Scrooges out there. Hah you didn’t ruin my Christmas! Bah Humbug!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Holiday Blues: Dating or whatever we call it

As the holidays are in full swing we are inundated with social activities, holiday music which starts before Thanksgiving, marketing gimmicks 24/7, and food galore. This is one of our favorite times of the year, a time to be with the one’s we love, but to others, it’s a time of great sadness.

My lover is in a full blown Holiday blues depression. He’s like Greta Garbo, whose famous line was: “I want to be left alone.” He has shut himself away from the world and it breaks my heart that I can’t reach him.

For the past four years, my friend Alise has been in a relationship with Justin who has severe anxiety and depression. I remember the countless calls as she cried over her predicament. I listened as she vented and gave her advice. It’s been a very rocky road but they have come a long way and now are living together. She stuck it out even though many times she thought about leaving. Her love for him kept her grounded.

I couldn’t understand why she stayed until now, now that I’m in the same leaking boat. I want to have fun and enjoy the holidays with him. He did drag himself out with me and his friends to cut down Christmas trees, so why can’t he be festive?

Am I being selfish to want to spend the holidays with him? I’m trying to understand where he’s coming from. I had a horrible childhood as well, but I do remember enjoying the Holidays. It’s taken me years to forgive my Mom but I’ve forgiven her, why can’t he forgive his Dad?

He’s in a new town, a new state, starting a new life with people who adore him, why can’t he let go of his past and forgive? Why does he let those who’ve hurt him win?

 

 

 

 

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