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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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Big M the Stuntman, We’re Nearing the End: Tales of online dating experiences

I’m apparently a compassionate person because I should have said Hello, goodbye, nice meeting you, have a nice life, hope it all works out for you to Big M when I finally met him, but I didn’t. Instead I let him hang with me for two weeks in the Redondo Beach area (that’s where he is from).  I felt guilty that I would be staying in nice places while he would be living in his Van, at Von’s parking lot. I do like him but he drives me nuts. Being thrown together with anyone, especially strangers 24/7 is extremely stressful. We went from online pen pals to living together. Now that would be a great Reality Show. What should we call it?

Big M playing his guitar. He's quite the crooner
Big M playing his guitar. He’s quite the crooner

I figure, I’m on a 6 month solo road trip so I can chalk it up to experiences. He’s lived an exciting life as a Stuntman/Actor/Cowboy/Moto dude. Apparently I’m drawn to this type, bad boy. He’s also a pot head. I like pot on occasion but he takes a hit 5-6 times/day. He says it helps him relax and de-stresses him. He’s comfortably numb. It kind of turns me off. He doesn’t smoke cigarettes, take prescription pills, not much of a drinker and doesn’t do any other hard-core drugs, thank God. So I can’t complain about that. FYI: marijuana isn’t the gate way drug; alcohol, cigarettes and prescription drugs are. Let’s get that straight.

As Carrie from Sex & The City said about Big: “She’s addicted to the pain.” I think that sums up my life with men perfectly. I’m attracted to bad boys because they live life on the edge with passion and drama which makes me feel alive. Yep I admit it. I love the drama, the thrill, and the fantasy. I’m not alone here, we love the wild ones but discard the nice ones.

The Pro’s about Big M: He is very affectionate, always holding my hand and kissing me. The way he looks at me with those steel-blue eyes makes my heart skip a beat. He has a wonderful body, his abs are to die for, and he has a great smile. Plus even though he had that horrible accident with his penis, he actually is a great lover, who makes me very wet. I come every time.

I’m torn. We like each other a lot, but his behavior is driving a wedge between us. He wants to get himself out of this financial chaos he has created but he won’t do what it takes to do it. He says if he can only get one more commercial, he would get himself out of the deep hole. He should do an ice-cream commercial since that is his drug of choice. He’s moving to Montana in the Spring to work as a wrangler at a dude ranch for $1200/month. At least he will have a roof over his head and three square meals per day. It’s almost like jail but he has a bit more freedom.

We stay at the Marriott in Torrance, CA for the last two nights before I head back to Oregon. I actually call 15 hotels in the area and everything is full. Finally I find the Marriott. Oy! That’s  stressful. Big M needs to go to his van and organize it since it’s a mess. I stay behind, because he needs to do this on his own. He takes his motorcycle. I hang out at the bar and by the pool. It’s alone time, aah.

My $12 Cosmo
My $12 Cosmo

I get a Cosmo martini but when the bartender gives it to me in a plastic cup it’s only 1/3 cup full. I stare at it and ponder; boy it looks awful tiny. I finally ask her what’s up with this $12 drink and she looks at me like I have two heads. She then snaps it up and puts in their martini glass and it fills right up. She says in a mocking tone: “See?” I just look at her. Wow. Deception.

She’s an A Hole. I don’t leave her a tip and complain to the manager about her rude behavior. I hang out by the pool enjoying the afternoon sun. Big M has been gone close to 4 hours. I envision him tackling his van and organizing it. I’m glad things are finally looking up. I can leave without worrying about him.  I get a text from him telling me he’s on his way.

He meets me and we kiss. He looks depressed. He tells me that he went to his van and sat there for over an hour but didn’t do a damn thing. He then went to the gym  and worked out for almost 2 hours and stopped at a burger joint on his way back. His only discipline is working out. If he could just apply that logic to the rest of his life he would be successful.

I realized then and there he will never change. He doesn’t have the drive to fix his life. He wants other’s to do it for him. No matter what I do for him he won’t take charge of his life and fix it. I finally see the light. He’s beyond hope.

I get up and tell him that I can’t help him anymore. I’m done. He’s dejected. We fight, well I yell and he just stares at me. We head up to the room on the 17th floor. He gathers his things and leaves. I don’t want him to go, I’m just venting. I beg him not to leave. I can’t bear that he will be in that van while I’m in this $200/night hotel room without him. He breaks my heart as he leaves with his guitar and backpack. How is he going to carry everything on his motorcycle? How?

The Bad Boy
The Bad Boy

He kisses me and walks out of my life.

I know it’s for the best, but I cry because I do care for him and he broke my heart.  I cry for him, I cry for the loss of our friendship. I cry myself to sleep.

The Cowboy/Actor/Stuntman/Moto Dude

The Cowboy/Actor/Stuntman/Moto Dude.

Chilling with Big M: The Man who lives in the Van

After learning that my could be lover is homeless, I decide to let him stay with me for the next two weeks. I’ve been in bad situations before, never homeless but down on my luck. I believe in karma what goes around comes around. It’s not like he’s a stranger who I let share my bed with. We have been conversing via phone, text and IM/Facebook every day for the past 1.5 months. He just left out some major details, like being broke, can’t find work as an actor/stuntman, ex girlfriend issues and living in a van. The SNL skit The Man Who Lives Down By The River resonates in my head. Oy!

Does the man in the van have a plan? No Mam!
Does the man in the van have a plan? No Mam!

Would I have come knowing this? Driven 17 hours from Eugene, OR to LA? I don’t know, probably not. But I’m back in warm, sunny California so I might as well enjoy his company. He’s affectionate with a nice body, a great kisser and a wonderful story-teller. He talks for hours about his glory days as a stuntman/cowboy.

We stay at an Airbnb, in Rolling Hills Estates for two nights. It’s on the same street he used to live years ago when he was doing well. He gives me a tour. I hear cats meowing, but they are not cats. Big M tells me I hear peacocks. They are everywhere. It’s amazing. The last time I saw one was in Paris France circa 1992.

Peacock
Peacock
Peacock doing the mating dance
Peacock doing the mating dance

We head back to the guest cottage. As we are getting ready to go out to eat I hear his cry. I rush into the bathroom and he’s on his knees holding his neck. His face is distorted from the excruciating pain. The pain juts through the back of his neck where it’s debilitating him. He’s swears under his breath and slowly gets up.

He tells me he had a neck operation six months ago due to his moto/rodeo days. The pain comes and goes and I can see it in his face. There is nothing I can do and it breaks my heart to see him this way. I try to a help him as much as I can. Is there anything else that can go wrong with him? Seriously? There is a dark cloud looming over his head ready to unleash its fury at any moment.

Minutes pass and the pain subsides. Maybe having a nice meal will make him feel better. I take him out to eat. I don’t want him to starve. He’s not much of a drinker which is good (alcoholism runs in his family) and he doesn’t get expensive items on the menu. His idea of food is hamburgers from a fast food joint and ice-cream that’s his drug of choice.  Opposite from me. I like pubs and nicer establishments where I can sit in a nice environment and enjoy my food, drink and conversation without feeling rushed. I’m not talking about fancy just down to earth.

How can someone who eats like crap have such a nice physique? While I try to eat as healthy as possible but have a flabby tummy. Hmmm. He works out four times a week doing intense exercises. I think that’s the secret to looking good; those gorgeous abs attest to that.

Is this relationship going to last? What am I thinking? Maybe he will be one of those down and out actors who gets his big break again and turns his life around. You know the rags to riches story. It’s nice to dream, after all we are in California…

 

Secrets revealed: Little White Lies

Secrets revealed: Little White Lies.

Secrets revealed: Little White Lies

I drive 17 hours to LA from Eugene on boring interstate 5. Now that’s my record of driving solo in one day. I arrive at my cousin’s house Sunday night and crash on the bed exhausted from the drive. I’m meeting M on Tuesday so I have Monday to rejuvenate my body and mind. The original plan is to meet at Rat’s beach at 4pm but I change it to noon. I figured we would play frisbee on the beach since that is our game of choice and just have a relaxing day. I want to see those fantastic abs in motion.

At 56 he's still has a body of a 30 year old
At 56 he’s still has a body of a 30-year-old

I arrive at the beach at 11:45am and scout the area. I head to the beach and text him that I’m here. No reply. Now it’s 12, then 12:10, 12:20pm no M. I am starting to get agitated. WTF. I text him and I call him, it goes into voice mail, so I leave him a message. Did I just drive 17 hours to see a ghost? Am I at the wrong beach? I don’t know this area. I ask someone and they confirm, I’m at the right beach.

Finally he calls me. He’s upset, he thinks we are meeting at 4. Apparently he forgot about the time change. After 5 minutes of him venting I intervene and tell him it’s okay. He hasn’t showered, he wanted to look good, just came from the gym. Yada yada yada. On a positive note I get to see him at his worst, might as well get that over with. He says he’s driving a van.

I’m envisioning a cool black van, what I see coming towards me is totally different. It’s a blue and white vintage van something that a hippy would drive. He waves to me, parks and gets out. Hmmm. A little different from his pictures, shorter and much older looking that I expected, he could pass for an old man. Time has not been good to him. The only saving grace is his beautiful eyes, smile and abs. We hug and kiss. I close my eyes and I see the beautiful man he was.

We play frisbee for an hour, laughing and being care free, then we walk on the beach hand in hand. I do like him even though he’s not what I pictured. He’s still good-looking, with just more wrinkles. His personality is a lot like mine: a firecracker. I am drawn to him, but I know that being an Actor/stuntman/cowboy has a lot to do with why I met him.

We head back to our cars and he opens up  his van to get some water. There is a lot of stuff in it. The truth comes out. He’s the man in the van who lives down by the river. He’s the man who lives in his van. That’s what he meant when he said he was in between apartments. Oy!

My heart stops. Man oh Man. He tells me that he moved out of his ex girlfriends house a few weeks ago and was staying with a friend for a bit but now he’s living in his van until he finds a place. I am a sap apparently. My heart goes out to him. Well while I’m here he’s not going to be living in a van, that would be cruel on my part. He can stay with me.

The Cowboy/Actor/Stuntman/Moto Dude

In the midst of a 6 month solo road trip I change my city and state profile to see if there are any guys I would like to meet. I change it to LA California. Of course there are many handsome dudes messaging me. One in particular stands out:  He is ruggedly handsome with steel blue eyes that stare deep into your soul.

I read his message and check out his profile. I’m intrigued. He’s a hotty. He’s an actor/stuntman/cowboy/moto guy. I like it. I love that he’s creative, passionate, and good looking. All right the Actor/stuntman was what got me.

He says he’s real unlike all the fake profiles out there, so I message him back and we email a few times then he gives me his cell number.  At this point I’m up in Jacksonville Oregon with lousy cell coverage. We finally talk. He has a deep masculine voice which matches his pictures. We talk for over an hour. I’m hooked.

I do check him out on the internet to make sure he is real. I find his name and it says he’s 5 years older than his online profile age. Hmmm. I normally don’t date people who are more than 5 years older than me, but I like him. I guess I can’t complain about that since my profile says I’m 5 years younger than my actual age. He has a Facebook page and we Friend each other. We talk everyday by some kind of format.

Look at those abs-Yum
Look at those abs-Yum

The fantasy of us together is building in my head. I could actually see us as an item. He’s everything that I want in a man and he rides horses that’s a plus, since I own two. Going to Hollywood parties and hanging out with this cool dude was part of the draw. We converse for a month and a half.

I’m now up in Eugene Oregon and he is still in LA. We are trying to meet. I have two weeks where I’m free. I look into flying down and renting a car but it’s too expensive and I would rather drive that sit in airports. We discuss meeting in Sacramento where he has friends, which is half way for each of us. That ends up not working out due to his work schedule: He’s waiting for a call back for a commercial.

He’s worth the journey. I have family in LA, so what the hell. I’m on a solo road trip where I can go wherever I want. If I don’t meet him I will regret it. My plan is to drive down the 5 from Eugene to LA. Stay with my cousin then head off to Palos Verdes Estates to meet him. He said I could stay with him but he’s in between apartments. I would rather stay at cute Airbnb’s cottages instead. We make the plans and I gather my stuff and head out to LA.

The Laws of Sexual Attraction

I must admit I am sexually attracted to the younger version of the rocker that I’ve been conversing with. He reminds me of Tommy Lee from Motely Crue. He is now 50 but his picture is of him in his 20’s. He tells me he is falling for me. Well, he has an advantage over me because my pictures are all up to date. He sees what I look like now. I am real but he is just a fantasy.

How can I be sexually attracted to the present when all I see is the past? Emotional chemistry we have, but I know from experience one must meet in person if sexual attraction is there. Apparently there are a few exceptions to the rule. Keanu Reeves was hot 30 years ago and still is and so is Brad Pitt. Can this rocker dude still be as hot as he was? Hmmm.

Finally he agrees to meet. I tell him to meet me at Gillian’s, a sports bar. I tell him we can meet as friends, then the pressure is off. If we are not attracted to each other, then we can still enjoy each other’s company. If there is something more for both of us then we can take it to another level. If there isn’t then we will be great friends.

It’s 6pm on Friday and I walk up to the bar. There are a number of guys there as I search for a man I don’t know. Finally he comes up to me and says my name. He looks nothing like his picture. Wow what a transformation. He has a baseball hat on and I can see the back of his grey hair. His face is rugged. He looks moRocker dudere like Clint Eastwood than Tommy Lee. We hug and get a drink. We then play pool for a couple of hours.  We laugh and chide each other. Emotionally attracted yes, physically attracted no! I wish I was, we would be perfect for each other.

But I am one of those honest people, who know right off the bat if I want something more. We say good night with a hug. The next day I text him telling him that I had fun and would love to be friends. He doesn’t reply until Sunday morning at 7am. The droning of the vibrating phone wakes me up. I look at the text: “Nope…Not ok with that…Take care.”

I roll back to sleep. What ever. NEXT!

 

Lessons Learned: Don’t ever accept a lover as a friend on Facebook

What was I thinking? I remember when we were driving one day and Justin said

“Hey why didn’t you accept my friend request on Fakebook?” My response was I don’t go on it much. Now I had to accept him how could I not? The problem about having someone you date on your private page is equivalent to allowing him to look at your diary. It’s very hard when that person who you were once intimate with is now dating someone else 2 weeks after he ended it with you and his face is there in front of you everyday in the friends photo’s section. Just staring at you. I tried to ignore his face but it was the very first one. Why couldn’t his photo be moved to the end of the pack of friends so I couldn’t see him? I tried to be friends with him for about a month, I really did but I couldn’t take it anymore. Trying to be friends with a X who hurt you is torture. I guess that’s why the Block option is available. It should be called the X Factor! AKA WE ARE NOT FRIENDS so F U! :^)

If you are dating please do not accept him or her as a friend. Save yourself the agony and grief. It’s not worth it. As George from Seinfeld said: The two George worlds are colliding. If you won’t take it from me take it from him.

The Breakup: The one who leaves almost always says-Let’s be friends while the other is left with…

Justin’s dog is sick and needs an operation which is scheduled for Monday at 8am. The vet that I recommend to him is 10 minutes from my house. I tell him he to bring his dog with him to spend Sunday & Monday  with me at my house. He can then take the dog to the vet and we can enjoy Monday together. Best laid plans seldom work out…

It is Sunday afternoon and we are playing in the pool when I teasingly say “You just want to be platonic friends?” He responds “Yeah. I think we should.” I shake my head and ask if he’s joking and he says no.

Here I am trying to be nice without losing my cool. He just doesn’t feel the fireworks with me like he thinks he should feel.  I don’t get it,  just a few days ago he tells me he really likes me a lot and now he just wants to be friends? Is he fucking nuts?

On one hand I want to tell him to go to hell and leave but on the other hand his dog has the operation the next day . Ugh. I feel trapped. My compassion wins out for the dog. I didn’t want to put any stress on it. If he had any sense he would have broken up with me the next day when he was leaving not before hand. That would have been the right thing to do. Are you hearing this Justin?

But now it’s out there right in front of us. My ego is bruised.  I try to make the best of it and tell him to stay the night. I’m not ready to let him go. He’s gorgeous with a beautiful body; just one more day of seeing his naked body next to mine… Okay maybe it wasn’t going to work out being lovers maybe we could be friends.  WTF was I thinking? Being friends with an X when you like him more than a friend?…I don’t think so.

The one who leaves almost always says: Let’s be friends while the other is left with…

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