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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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The Art of a Great Profile for online dating

Online dating: If you want results put your best pictures forward and write a light hearted profile.

Source: The Art of a Great Profile for online dating

Relationship issues?

I was told by my past two lovers that I couldn’t handle relationships. Well they are wrong. Apparently they have no clue about a girl and her horse (s). I just spent the last hour out in the field in this f’in 95 degree heat adding new pasture so my horses could graze on real lush grass (Star & Locket are 13+ years-had Star since she was 2 months and Locket since she was 1.5 years old). What we do for our horses! If men only knew our commitment! Ha!
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The Faceless Creature

Do those who hide behind their masks seek truth? Or, are they afraid of the perceptions of those who judge them?

Have you seen him? Does he look very similar to others? Apparently there are many of them. Can you tell them apart? Hmmmm….

I understand online dating is equivalent to the blind date. I know that many women say looks aren’t everything. But who are we kidding? To me it’s the whole package. I am not one to fall in love with a faceless creature. This is not “Beauty & The Beast”. My mind conjures up images of what I seek, what I fantasize about. His written words might intrigue me and I may converse for a time but I am curious to know what lies on the outside.

Sexual chemistry is not just his soul but his physical prowess. He doesn’t have to be a Greek god. I’ve met beautiful men who are eye candy but once the mouth opens, I just want to duct tape it shut. Nor does he have to be Zeus aka the upside down triangle but he shouldn’t be a weeble wobble but don’t fall down body type either. Taking care of the body is important to me. It means he wants a healthy body to keep him from death’s door.

The face is the window to his soul. It could be something as simple as his smile, or the twinkle in his eyes that captures my interest. I want to know more. Pictures tell 1000 words. I understand it’s not everything but it’s a start. I’ve spoken to the “No Face” and asked about his picture. The responses are the same. The picture is too small and the dating site won’t allow him to put it on. He’s not photogenic, he’s not… Why doesn’t he just tell me he’s in the witness protection program or wanted by the FBI? It’s the same thing. It’s an excuse to hide behind.

When one hides behind the mask it shows insecurity and deception. It also lowers the bar on trust. If you are serious about knowing who I am, show me your face.

To Pay or Not To Pay That is the ?

I was on a free online dating site;  but I wanted to know if there was a difference in quality of men on paying sites. So I signed up on a online dating site where one must pay for service.  My feeling is that if you have to pay for it you will want to meet in person. There will be less introverts and more extroverts on paying sites. That was my theory.  Boy was I wrong. It’s the same caliber of men just recycled-like the evening news.

When push comes to shove the majority of people really don’t want to meet in person. Online dating is fantasy land. “Ooh baby baby. let’s get it on.” It’s a video game. Texting, sexting, phone conversations, emailing, IM, video chatting whatever todays flavor, keeps people at arm’s length. It’s all the same mumbo jumbo crap. It’s better not to have to get involved with an actual human being. The thought of another horrible blind date is more than most can bear.

Sitting at home at our computer in our sloppy clothes, stuffing our face with high calorie food is comforting. Knowing that we can create the fantasy of what that person is like and our persona that we created is better than real life.

They: Who the hell are they and why are they so important?

A very popular online dating site is running commercials stating that 1 in 5 relationships start on their site. Hmmmm…. How do they really know that? Did they survey every single person on this planet aka Earth and ask how they met their significant other? Did they poll a number of people in the U.S? Did they poll only those on their site? I would like to know where they are getting their information? As we all know polls are statistics and can favor anything.  They can be skewed to favor what they want us to believe. Are we all suckers?

Let’s break down what 1 in 5 really equals. If 5 is 100% then 1 is 20%. 20% of people polled said that their relationships started on this online dating site.  However, 80% (over 3/4), met their significant other somewhere else. 80% is the majority. When you think about it-20% doesn’t sound that important. Anything over the majority would sound believable and could be taken seriously.

Why do they think we are ignorant? Are people watching to many reality shows? Are we in technology overload? Is this turning our fragile brains into strained carrots?

Who are they and how do they know? Are they more believable than you, me and I? Apparently they back up our stories, tales we weave. They lend credibility to what we are saying. They are our allies. They are our friends.

Can they match that?

Do they know how to match?

Texting aka NO Tongue For YOU-Why bother having one?

What is up with the Hynes Bridge detour signs in Amesbury/Newburyport? It should be called: Can’t get there from here. Whom ever put those signs up was having a little fun, at my expense. They were actually saying: I don’t want you to get where you are going which is right here so I am going to make it as complicated as possible for you to get there. I was so close but so far. :) Oh man! Have mercy on me now! LOL!!!

But apparently it didn’t matter because when one uses texting as a form of the only communication (men of a certain age under 56), lines get crossed and yada yada yada you know what happened with this story… What could have been a great, fun day turned out to be…NOT!!!…So boys & men if you are interested in me call me with your vocal chords…it’s very simple…When I call you to let you know that I’m on my way but have been detained due to a detour, call me back!!! My number shows up on your cell as missed call-voice mail. You know we have plans check the Gosh Darn phone! (I’m being polite for all those god fearing people out there).

Then I don’t have to wait around for hours at the place we are meeting (Not Your Average Joe’s in Newburyport, MA) thinking you blew me off. As steam or is it smoke? starts to come out of my ears and I’m getting very annoyed. Patience is not a virtue of mine. Have you figured that out yet?!

I’m thinking; “How dare you blow me off! You haven’t even met me yet, blow me off after you meet me!” So after a few drinks I start to rattle off nasty texts that I don’t mean because I’m mad at you. You get my point? Why is this so complicated? Life was so much easier before texting became the only form of communication.

I don’t want to be in a drama movie…LOL! I feel like Kramer: SERENITY NOW! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The waiting game

 

Silly conversations with men & my observations about online dating

ImageHere’s a conversation I had with a guy recently and it went like this:

Me: “You’re like God. The first 4 days you ride your bike, the 5th day you go to the gym and the 7th day (Sunday) you rest. But what do you do on the 6th day?”

Him: “It’s a secret!”

Me: “Well I will have to ask God about that! Because, God spelled backwards is Dog. And dog is man’s / wo-mans (woman’s) best friend and she will tell me because women can’t keep secrets for more than 32 minutes!”

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I saw this on the Internet (no author) and I put it into my HotChild2012 profile because men like to laugh and they like women who have a sense of humor: “This note was on a restaurant door: “We are closed due to short staff” Then someone wrote underneath it: “Hire taller staff cuz I want a taco.”

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My observations: Men & women are like socks. They are great as a pair, but once you wash them they never appear together again. Eventually you find a sock attached to something else-just like the demise of a relationship.

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Humor lets our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route.

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I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up & some from known & unknown

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Chatting on-line is equivalent to chatting with a stranger on the street. We may say hello & chat, then go our separate ways, never our paths to meet again. If I don’t respond to you it means I’m not into you. Don’t keep on writing or write nasty notes to me. Hey kids can’t we all play in the same sandbox? Geeze Louise!!!!

LOL…:-)

Date with TallSouthernBoy: Is he as good in real life as he is on paper?

I’ve been chatting via email, texting & sexting with Aaron aka TallSouthernBoy for over a month now. I have yet to converse with him via vocal chords. I find this unsettling because I always conjure up images in my head about the guy and how his voice resonates. And when I finally meet him my fantasies come crashing down. The human voice seals the deal. He could be the greatest guy but if his voice irritates my senses (finger nails on a black board) then I can’t get past that. My sensitive ears and soul oh my. I am rambling must get back to the date with Aaron.

He texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him in Boston at a new hip restaurant. I agreed. Since he doesn’t have a car, I would drive into Cambridge and park at Alewife, take the Red Line to Park then the Green line to Copley. As the day approached I felt like a  school girl getting ready for her first date.

My friend Chloe, a hair stylist gave me a great cut. Since Aaron’s favorite turn on is thigh high black nylons I went to Macy’s to get a few pairs (runs are common so one must get more than one for that just in case). I was meeting him at 7 pm and it was already 5 pm. Okay one more glance in the mirror-You look smashing-go get him.

Of course best laid plans always go off with a hitch. I breezed right into Cambridge but it became a parking lot a 1/4 mile from Alewife. It took me almost a half hour to park-I could have walked. Found a place to park and ran to the train. Apparently MBTA decided to make my life a little more complicated-No more people at the ticket counter-machines only. Ugh. I just want a token to get me on the damn train. Nope machine is being difficult. 10 more minutes pass. It’s close to 6:30. My phone is ringing-its Aaron I answer and I hear his voice for the first time. It’s soothing to the ears-phew. He just got to the restaurant and wanted to know my ETA. Hopefully 7 I hear myself saying as long as the trains behave.

Famous last words. I get on the RedLine and it stops for 10 minutes in the middle of nowhere. I finally get to the Green line and apparently I am on the wrong side of the tracks. I race to the other side (heels were not made for running the 100 yard dash) and get on the overcrowded sardine train.

Arriving to my destination at 7:15, I see Aaron sipping wine at a table. He looks around and sees me and smiles. He stands up yes he is quite tall 6’4″ could be a little taller due to the cowboy boots he is wearing.  We size each-other up. He has gained about 40 pounds of fat (his pictures are of a sexy athletic man). He’s growing some kind of fuzzy beard. He reminds me of John Adams (the President). Okay. Maybe I can get past this-since he’s quite intelligent and sexual.

We hug and sit down. He asks me if I would like a glass of wine and I order a Riesling. We chat for a bit. It’s apparent he is an  arrogant son of a bitch. He’s talking about how Americans don’t appreciate Architects and he has to go abroad to South America because Americans can’t afford him.

I have this feeling of throwing my glass of wine in his face and walking out but I refrain. I am famished and drinking wine on an empty stomach is making me light-headed. He asks if I’m hungry-I tell him that I’m famished. “There’s a great little pub around the corner that serves great home style food” he tells me (the one good thing he has told me all night).

I smile and tell him that sounds good. Let’s go. We walk a few blocks to the pub making small talk along the way. Dinner is uneventful he talks more about himself and my mind starts to wonder. Finally dinner is over. He asks me if I want to see his projects at his apartment which is a block from here. Instead of saying what’s on my mind, I tell him yes.

He pays for dinner and we leave. I would like to leave without him as well. But I did spend 2 hours getting here I might as well try to enjoy myself. Maybe his projects are worth it. We arrive at his studio apartment and he shows me his designs & prototypes.  Interesting but useful? Hmmmm. The jury is still out on that.

Then he turns around and kisses me. My eyes are closed (I can’t bear to open them) and we kiss. I’m thinking of his pictures he was eye candy-so cute. Maybe just maybe he is a good kisser?

Nope. He kisses like a dog at the kitchen table aka the wet kiss and the limp tongue aka the dead fish. I open my eyes and see him for what he really is. I can’t do this. I push him away and put on my coat and tell him thanks for the evening but I have to go. I literally run out the door. I felt as though I had a panic attack-I couldn’t breath.

I’m on the redline heading back when he texts me and asks me what is wrong. I contemplate what to say. Finally I text him back. Oblivious to my surroundings I look up. The train has stopped and it is void of people. I’m dressed in my long red coat, black dress, and heels. I have my new cell phone in my left hand as I peer out of the train. All of a sudden the doors close on me and my cell phone drops from my hand. I kick it with my left leg-it reaches safety away from the tracks.

A passerby comes to my rescue. I ask him to retrieve my cell phone for me. He picks it up and puts it back in my hand.  I am still stuck in the door flailing about (half in half out) what a sight I must have been. Finally the doors open-I am free. Being stuck in the door was the highlight of my bad date. It was the funniest thing that happened to me all night.

LMAO

My online profile on a popular free online dating service and the results.

HotChild2012 profile:

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” -Steven Wright.

According to … I have no personality! They are judging me without even knowing me! Hmmmm. I refuse to subjugate myself to a fish type! LOL! -JK Hars

“Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

Musings, humorous lines, conversations and or observations that make me laugh from some that I made up and the rest from others (If you know who coined the phrase please let me know – I saw them on the internet without the Authors-too shame!)

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

“I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.”

“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”

Are you getting the hint? Intelligent, passionate, fun-loving, adventurous, all round girl who’s in need of comic relief. I can’t take anymore drama (okay maybe a little to shake things up)! Looking for (a girl can dream can’t she?) a man who is…Ideally: ISEC. Physical attributes: Eye Candy who makes my heart skip a beat-easy on the eyes. One who is fit-in shape (not upside down triangles but no weeble wobbles but they don’t fall down body types either). One who can keep up with me in the… One who has more hair on head than on rest of body (not bald-No Kojaks, no George Constanzas). And most important a full set of healthy teeth for smiling-no toothless rotted teeth grins).

Emotional attributes: Must have Passion. Sexual attraction/chemistry is a must if we are more than friends. A brain and a wit (No male bimbos need apply or Mimbo as Jerry Seinfeld says to Elaine):) One who makes me laugh and makes me kiddy and giddy. Flirt with me.

Run wild by my side, but don’t try to tame me. Be my confidant, my lover and my friend.

I want to be the great book you can’t put down…

If you can do all this, on paper and in real life then we will have the time of our lives.

BTW: I am really 46 years young, 130.5 pounds and 5′ 7 1/2″ short. I am not ready to be put in the box that says 46-54. I don’t feel it or look it. So there! LOL!

“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.” (unknown)

fenced cows
This fence keeps the cows in

Even the days of the week spell WTF (W)ednesday (T)hursday (F)riday. WTF is up with … and their picture rules? UGH! So silly. Stupid rules need to be broken…SERENITY NOW!!! Also I had a great picture of a fence that looked like cows they took it off but I put it back on…Rebel with a cause! What a riot….!

By the way 8 pictures of the same, me, myself and I in different locations and poses? Hmmmmm… Now that’s original! :)

If you got this far, then you don’t have ADHD (creative types I understand) and you can read more than a sentence that’s brownie points for you. :)

On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. CAPITAL LETTERS I am told means that the person is upset. And everyone’s favorite is, the acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh just like the laugh tracks on TV comedy shows)…Hmmmmmmm……………..

First Date

I don’t drink coffee so that’s out-well you can drink it, I am not your mother. :) Casual atmosphere, no pressure just great conversation and laughter. Keep it simple…

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Results of my long profile with pictures. I have received 11 emails from men. Let me take a look. Some men have actually read not red the whole profile, before messaging me. Kudos to them. Others have just looked at the pictures and obviously not read my profile. Hmmmm….I must weed. There are revisions in the works.

What is it with spelling and grammar? Yes I know I’m not the best in that field but at least I try. When I don’t know how to spell a word I look it up in the dictionary (the kind that actually has pages that turn as in a book).

Many men on this site don’t know how to spell or take the time to look at what they wrote before they send it off to me. That is a turn off. So moral of the story: read my entire profile. If you want to send me a message please use the spell checker or a reliable dictionary and make the corrections before you send it to me. I will respond in kind. I know I am venting but don’t you hear the sarcasm in my rants?  Ugh!

Three messages from married men. What is up with the stray dog? Apparently he isn’t neutered. Not happy? Get a divorce.  I have no desire to be their psychiatrists or their fools or both. I must block them from contacting me.

Who else has written? This guy sounds interesting: TallSouthernBoy: 29, Boston, MA, educated-going to school for his Masters in Design, has traveled outside the U.S and he is very cute. He wrote: Hello, You have a very interesting profile. I think it’s one of the longest I’ve read. :) It’s actually amazing how similar our interests are. One horse lover to another. Hope to hear back. – Aaron

I think I will have to write back to this cowboy…a boy after my own heart…

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Next post conversations with TallSouthernBoy

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-)

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-).

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