Michael and I are slowly making our way back into the comfort zone. It’s been a few weeks since we met at Stella’s after many months apart. We’ve been friendly with flirtatious moments, a kiss and a hug but nothing more. I wonder if we are just going to be friends. My body aches for his touch. I’m starting to fall for him again. It feels right this time. We are both in better places.
He calls me and asks me to dinner. I accept and he picks me up. Just like old times we click. We have a great time. It’s almost midnight when we get back. He walks me to my door. This time he lingers as I open the door to my apartment.
“Would you like to come in?” I ask.
He smiles and nods.
“Dinner was delicious” I say as I take off my shoes and put them in the closet. As I’m bending down, he comes over and put his arms around me.
“Michael” I say laughing.
“God you smell good” he says as he holds me close and rocks me as he kisses my neck. As we rock back and forth, he puts his arm around me and unbuttons my blouse. His hand slides underneath my bra and cups my breasts. I moan.
“God you feel so good” I whisper.
Kissing my neck he unzips my jeans and slides them off. I step out of them. Slipping his hand into my mound my lips quiver. He fingers his way and slides his finger on my clit and gently rubs it back and forth. I let out a moan as I sway back and forth, putting my arms around him. As my body responds, he rubs harder. My clit is now pulsating.
“Michael, I missed you. Fuck me please!” I cry. He stops and turns me around. I pull off his shirt in a frenzy. He cups my breasts and suckles them. Kissing each one, pulling, tugging, and arousing them until they are hard mounds. Unzipping his jeans I yank them off him. I push him down on the floor and get on top of him.
“You make me crazy” I say breathlessly. He smiles and we start kissing passionately. His cock is hard as I press my body against it. I kiss his neck, then his chest, inching ever so slowly down around his muscular abs. He lets out a moan as I touch his cock. I hold it in my hands and slowly open my mouth to engulf his powerful manhood. My tongue darts about, licking, sucking. I can hear him gasp.
He pulls me up and pushes me down onto the rug in front of the fireplace. Spreading my legs for him, he enters me, slowly at first as I guide him, then with each thrust he goes deeper and faster. Controlling, not letting himself come to fast. Giving me pleasure is his desire. Just a little bit longer…
I’m apparently a compassionate person because I should have said Hello, goodbye, nice meeting you, have a nice life, hope it all works out for you to Big M when I finally met him, but I didn’t. Instead I let him hang with me for two weeks in the Redondo Beach area (that’s where he is from). I felt guilty that I would be staying in nice places while he would be living in his Van, at Von’s parking lot. I do like him but he drives me nuts. Being thrown together with anyone, especially strangers 24/7 is extremely stressful. We went from online pen pals to living together. Now that would be a great Reality Show. What should we call it?
I figure, I’m on a 6 month solo road trip so I can chalk it up to experiences. He’s lived an exciting life as a Stuntman/Actor/Cowboy/Moto dude. Apparently I’m drawn to this type, bad boy. He’s also a pot head. I like pot on occasion but he takes a hit 5-6 times/day. He says it helps him relax and de-stresses him. He’s comfortably numb. It kind of turns me off. He doesn’t smoke cigarettes, take prescription pills, not much of a drinker and doesn’t do any other hard-core drugs, thank God. So I can’t complain about that. FYI: marijuana isn’t the gate way drug; alcohol, cigarettes and prescription drugs are. Let’s get that straight.
As Carrie from Sex & The City said about Big: “She’s addicted to the pain.” I think that sums up my life with men perfectly. I’m attracted to bad boys because they live life on the edge with passion and drama which makes me feel alive. Yep I admit it. I love the drama, the thrill, and the fantasy. I’m not alone here, we love the wild ones but discard the nice ones.
The Pro’s about Big M: He is very affectionate, always holding my hand and kissing me. The way he looks at me with those steel-blue eyes makes my heart skip a beat. He has a wonderful body, his abs are to die for, and he has a great smile. Plus even though he had that horrible accident with his penis, he actually is a great lover, who makes me very wet. I come every time.
I’m torn. We like each other a lot, but his behavior is driving a wedge between us. He wants to get himself out of this financial chaos he has created but he won’t do what it takes to do it. He says if he can only get one more commercial, he would get himself out of the deep hole. He should do an ice-cream commercial since that is his drug of choice. He’s moving to Montana in the Spring to work as a wrangler at a dude ranch for $1200/month. At least he will have a roof over his head and three square meals per day. It’s almost like jail but he has a bit more freedom.
We stay at the Marriott in Torrance, CA for the last two nights before I head back to Oregon. I actually call 15 hotels in the area and everything is full. Finally I find the Marriott. Oy! That’s stressful. Big M needs to go to his van and organize it since it’s a mess. I stay behind, because he needs to do this on his own. He takes his motorcycle. I hang out at the bar and by the pool. It’s alone time, aah.
I get a Cosmo martini but when the bartender gives it to me in a plastic cup it’s only 1/3 cup full. I stare at it and ponder; boy it looks awful tiny. I finally ask her what’s up with this $12 drink and she looks at me like I have two heads. She then snaps it up and puts in their martini glass and it fills right up. She says in a mocking tone: “See?” I just look at her. Wow. Deception.
She’s an A Hole. I don’t leave her a tip and complain to the manager about her rude behavior. I hang out by the pool enjoying the afternoon sun. Big M has been gone close to 4 hours. I envision him tackling his van and organizing it. I’m glad things are finally looking up. I can leave without worrying about him. I get a text from him telling me he’s on his way.
He meets me and we kiss. He looks depressed. He tells me that he went to his van and sat there for over an hour but didn’t do a damn thing. He then went to the gym and worked out for almost 2 hours and stopped at a burger joint on his way back. His only discipline is working out. If he could just apply that logic to the rest of his life he would be successful.
I realized then and there he will never change. He doesn’t have the drive to fix his life. He wants other’s to do it for him. No matter what I do for him he won’t take charge of his life and fix it. I finally see the light. He’s beyond hope.
I get up and tell him that I can’t help him anymore. I’m done. He’s dejected. We fight, well I yell and he just stares at me. We head up to the room on the 17th floor. He gathers his things and leaves. I don’t want him to go, I’m just venting. I beg him not to leave. I can’t bear that he will be in that van while I’m in this $200/night hotel room without him. He breaks my heart as he leaves with his guitar and backpack. How is he going to carry everything on his motorcycle? How?
He kisses me and walks out of my life.
I know it’s for the best, but I cry because I do care for him and he broke my heart. I cry for him, I cry for the loss of our friendship. I cry myself to sleep.
In the midst of a 6 month solo road trip I change my city and state profile to see if there are any guys I would like to meet. I change it to LA California. Of course there are many handsome dudes messaging me. One in particular stands out: He is ruggedly handsome with steel blue eyes that stare deep into your soul.
I read his message and check out his profile. I’m intrigued. He’s a hotty. He’s an actor/stuntman/cowboy/moto guy. I like it. I love that he’s creative, passionate, and good looking. All right the Actor/stuntman was what got me.
He says he’s real unlike all the fake profiles out there, so I message him back and we email a few times then he gives me his cell number. At this point I’m up in Jacksonville Oregon with lousy cell coverage. We finally talk. He has a deep masculine voice which matches his pictures. We talk for over an hour. I’m hooked.
I do check him out on the internet to make sure he is real. I find his name and it says he’s 5 years older than his online profile age. Hmmm. I normally don’t date people who are more than 5 years older than me, but I like him. I guess I can’t complain about that since my profile says I’m 5 years younger than my actual age. He has a Facebook page and we Friend each other. We talk everyday by some kind of format.
The fantasy of us together is building in my head. I could actually see us as an item. He’s everything that I want in a man and he rides horses that’s a plus, since I own two. Going to Hollywood parties and hanging out with this cool dude was part of the draw. We converse for a month and a half.
I’m now up in Eugene Oregon and he is still in LA. We are trying to meet. I have two weeks where I’m free. I look into flying down and renting a car but it’s too expensive and I would rather drive that sit in airports. We discuss meeting in Sacramento where he has friends, which is half way for each of us. That ends up not working out due to his work schedule: He’s waiting for a call back for a commercial.
He’s worth the journey. I have family in LA, so what the hell. I’m on a solo road trip where I can go wherever I want. If I don’t meet him I will regret it. My plan is to drive down the 5 from Eugene to LA. Stay with my cousin then head off to Palos Verdes Estates to meet him. He said I could stay with him but he’s in between apartments. I would rather stay at cute Airbnb’s cottages instead. We make the plans and I gather my stuff and head out to LA.
I must admit I am sexually attracted to the younger version of the rocker that I’ve been conversing with. He reminds me of Tommy Lee from Motely Crue. He is now 50 but his picture is of him in his 20’s. He tells me he is falling for me. Well, he has an advantage over me because my pictures are all up to date. He sees what I look like now. I am real but he is just a fantasy.
How can I be sexually attracted to the present when all I see is the past? Emotional chemistry we have, but I know from experience one must meet in person if sexual attraction is there. Apparently there are a few exceptions to the rule. Keanu Reeves was hot 30 years ago and still is and so is Brad Pitt. Can this rocker dude still be as hot as he was? Hmmm.
Finally he agrees to meet. I tell him to meet me at Gillian’s, a sports bar. I tell him we can meet as friends, then the pressure is off. If we are not attracted to each other, then we can still enjoy each other’s company. If there is something more for both of us then we can take it to another level. If there isn’t then we will be great friends.
It’s 6pm on Friday and I walk up to the bar. There are a number of guys there as I search for a man I don’t know. Finally he comes up to me and says my name. He looks nothing like his picture. Wow what a transformation. He has a baseball hat on and I can see the back of his grey hair. His face is rugged. He looks more like Clint Eastwood than Tommy Lee. We hug and get a drink. We then play pool for a couple of hours. We laugh and chide each other. Emotionally attracted yes, physically attracted no! I wish I was, we would be perfect for each other.
But I am one of those honest people, who know right off the bat if I want something more. We say good night with a hug. The next day I text him telling him that I had fun and would love to be friends. He doesn’t reply until Sunday morning at 7am. The droning of the vibrating phone wakes me up. I look at the text: “Nope…Not ok with that…Take care.”
Justin’s dog is sick and needs an operation which is scheduled for Monday at 8am. The vet that I recommend to him is 10 minutes from my house. I tell him he to bring his dog with him to spend Sunday & Monday with me at my house. He can then take the dog to the vet and we can enjoy Monday together. Best laid plans seldom work out…
It is Sunday afternoon and we are playing in the pool when I teasingly say “You just want to be platonic friends?” He responds “Yeah. I think we should.” I shake my head and ask if he’s joking and he says no.
Here I am trying to be nice without losing my cool. He just doesn’t feel the fireworks with me like he thinks he should feel. I don’t get it, just a few days ago he tells me he really likes me a lot and now he just wants to be friends? Is he fucking nuts?
On one hand I want to tell him to go to hell and leave but on the other hand his dog has the operation the next day . Ugh. I feel trapped. My compassion wins out for the dog. I didn’t want to put any stress on it. If he had any sense he would have broken up with me the next day when he was leaving not before hand. That would have been the right thing to do. Are you hearing this Justin?
But now it’s out there right in front of us. My ego is bruised. I try to make the best of it and tell him to stay the night. I’m not ready to let him go. He’s gorgeous with a beautiful body; just one more day of seeing his naked body next to mine… Okay maybe it wasn’t going to work out being lovers maybe we could be friends. WTF was I thinking? Being friends with an X when you like him more than a friend?…I don’t think so.
The one who leaves almost always says: Let’s be friends while the other is left with…
It’s Friday and I’m spending the entire weekend with Justin at his house. On our 2nd date he told me that one of his favorite foods is a meatball sub. So I decide I will make it for him and bring it to his house for dinner. I arrive at 7:30. He opens the door-oh he is so sexy-I can’t get over how handsome he is. He smiles at me and kisses me. Lust is good.
We go to the kitchen and I ask if he’s hungry. He replies yes. I take out the ingredients and assemble the subs at his house. This way the bread isn’t soggy. I make 2 subs and we sit down and eat. I must say it’s mighty tasty. Red wine & sugar in the tomato sauce gives it a nice flavor. As I start to clean up he grabs me and motions me to sit on his lap. I comply, wrapping my arms around him as we kiss. He touches my face and smiles. I smile back and I melt.
We have a few hours of alone time before the kids come back. He puts on Roxy Music and we dance slow and sensual. We have our arms around each other as we hold each other close as we sway to the music. I look up at him as he kisses my neck. He feels so good. Oh how I want him. I can feel him getting hard.
He reaches under my blouse, unclasps my bra and cups my breasts. I let out a low moan. He leads me to the couch, I sit and take off my blouse and he takes off his shirt. He kneels in front of me and suckles my breasts until they are hard mounds. Oh my god he makes me so wet. He slowly kisses my stomach and pulls and licks my belly button. I squeal. It tickles. He unzips my jeans and slides them off along with my panties.
He goes down on me. He’s amazing. I come so many times as his tongue darts in and out. I can’t take it any longer. “Fuck me” I say breathlessly. He takes off his jeans and I guide him in. Slowly at first, then faster and faster. We move together in unison. My arms and legs are wrapped around his body. I can feel myself coming as I arch my back. He can’t control it any longer and with a final thrust he comes. He crumples on top of me. Our sweaty bodies are intertwined as one…
Justin & I have text back and forth regarding “The Summer fling thing”. Funny though he says that he would be jealous (Scorpio thing) if I date other men, but it’s not ok for me to be jealous or hurt by his words. Hmmm… My friend Sara tells me to give it 3-4 months before asking for a commitment. Funny thing I never asked Justin for a commitment but as soon as he said those words to me-I realized I did. I let my walls come down and now they are going back up.
The weekend is coming up and I post on FB asking for suggestions on where I can go for a weekend getaway. We are finishing the floors at my dad’s house so I need to be away from Friday-Sunday. I plan on going away by myself. I am not calling Justin. No way…
On Wednesday Justin texts me asking if I want to spend Saturday night and Father’s day with him. His step daughter is having a Father’s day cookout. Since he asked me I respond; “k”. I text him that I will be staying at a hotel on Friday night and he invites me to stay with him Friday night as well.
I text back: a whole weekend together-are we going to get along? :^). He responds; “Yeah-it will be fine.”
I know this weekend is huge. Even though I am still feeling slighted I need to play it cool. I text: Hay hot & heavy can you handle 3 days of …?” He replies: “Not sure. U may change ur mind about me after this weekend. I respond: “Why will I change my opinion of u by end of weekend? Are u turning into a frog? Him: “Maybe I won’t keep up w u and ul decide im not so desirable.
I am hanging with my friend Mandy and I show her the texts. “Keep it light heartened” she says to me. Ok. I will I say laughing. I send him a picture of something silly and text him “I am not worried about u not keeping up w/ me. There r plenty of fun ways to get off…
Mandy and I laugh. “Keeping it light and fun is what I must concentrate on…
I am still reeling from the conversation with Justin a few days ago. His words still ring in my head like a broken record: “Summer is coming and if an opportunity presents itself I am taking it.” I need to talk to my friends about it. I will post the following question on FakeBook: “I am dating a guy that I really like who tells me he doesn’t want a commitment. What should I do?”
My friends answer the question. A few say he might be scared, just give it time, others say cut him loose because you want more than he can give you-a few likes with that one register from other friends. A close friend said give it 3-4 months. She says; “Just have fun-enjoy each other. He will come around.”
Justin befriended me on FakeBook and saw the post. He’s livid. He rattles off texts to me. “How dare anyone give advice that they have no clue too?” I tell him no one knows who he is. I posed a question asking for advice from my friends on my wall. He is letting off steam. He says I should give it 3-4 months before jumping ship.
I know it’s only been 3 weeks that we have been dating. Rationally I know this isn’t much time. Why am I so hurt by the fact he doesn’t want to date me exclusively? Pride? Ego? From the moment I saw him I fell for him-at least sexually & physically. I’ve dated over 30 guys in the last 1.5 years and it’s always been NEXT! I am very choosy whom I date. I didn’t want a commitment-just casual dating.
All of it changed when I met Justin. I finally meet the guy that I can envision in my life for more than a few dates. His affection towards me is real-I know that-I can feel it. He acts like he really likes me and he tells me he likes me a lot. We talk about doing things in the future. I am confused.
His words haunt me. How can I have fun knowing he is going to dump me for someone else?
Justin and I have been dating 3 weeks. We talk on the phone or text every day. Our 4th date is coming up. Originally he told me he wasn’t ready for me to meet his daughter apparently she didn’t like anyone he brought home. He didn’t want to deal with it. Things changed on the day we were getting together. A few hours before we were to meet he calls and leaves a message asking me to meet at his house. His 16 yr old daughter needs a ride to work. This way we have an unlimited amount of playtime. Yes I like this plan much better. I call him back and he tells me to bring my overnight gear. Hmmm…I like it a lot…
At 3 pm I arrive at his house and his daughter Julia answers the door. She is stunning just like her dad. She is a cool kid. I like her. “He’ll be right down” She says as she leads me to the living room. Justin saunters in. He is so handsome: Tall, chiseled, masculine. He gives me a bear hug and leans down to kiss me, smiles and says hello. I smile up at him.
“Julia are you ready?”
“Yep” Julia says.
“Let’s go” Justin says.
He drives a truck so I let Julia sit next to her dad. After we drop her off at work, we go to Mel’s Fun Park. We ride the Go-Karts – I leave him in the dust and then we play mini-golf. Very close game. Granted it took us a little longer because we were all over each other. He won by 3 strokes. It was fun to be silly and not have a care in the world.
“Are you hungry?” He asks me.
“Starving” I tell him.
“There is this pub with outdoor seating that we could go to?”
“Sounds good let’s go.” I say.
The meal isn’t anything special but being with Justin is. He is so affectionate. He has this habit of leaning over and kissing me. No matter where we are-he is so attentive. I love it. And when he looks at me with those hazel eyes I just melt. He is beautiful.
We get back to his place close to midnight. I have had a little too many drinks. We say good night to his daughter and her friends and head to the bedroom which is right off the living room/entry. He tells me we have to be quiet. I feel that we are the kids.
It’s hard for me to not be vocal especially when I am with a hot guy. I put my arms around him and we passionately kiss. He nibbles my ear, my neck and my breasts; suckling each until they are hard mounds. I feel my heart racing and I let out a moan. “Shhhh” he says. I can’t help it-he feels so good. I bite my lip and hold my breath.
He backs me to the bed and I instinctively sit. He kisses my stomach and then he pleasures me for hours. I am so wet. He makes me come so many times. He is an amazing lover one of the best that I have had. We are both drenched but it feels so good as he puts his arm around me and holds me close as we drift off to sleep.
The next morning I wake up and he still has his arm around me. I turn and look at him. He opens his eyes and I smile. I tell him “I had this amazing dream-it was so real-we were doing a 69”. He smiles at me and says; “it was real-we did do it.” Then I remember and I laugh.
We start to kiss and I can feel him getting hard-morning sex-the best kind. I need no lubrication I am ready for him. He feels so good in me. He is just about to come when his daughter knocks on the door. She asks if she can take his truck to work. He tells her ok. Oh Man-getting caught by his daughter. We try it again, but she knocks again. Hmmm…I think she knows…
We hang out for the rest of the day, just chilling. We watch Eric Clapton Live and Running on Faith is playing. I am sitting on the couch and he walks up to me and puts out his hand-“Dance with me” He says. We slow dance in his living room. My head comes up to his chin. He holds me close and then I put my head on his chest and we dance. He is so tender. I am falling for him.
I drop him off at his daughter’s work so he can get his truck. He comes back to the car and I get out. We are standing behind my car on the main street. He gives me his bear hug and holds me for what seems to be eternity. I never want him to let me go. As we kiss-I want him again.
After I leave I meet my girlfriend Andrea at Martha’s and we have dinner. I look down and I see a text from Justin: It says: Hope u made it home safe & sound. I really enjoyed our time together. :^)
In my online dating profile I disclose that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am leaving New England soon to follow my heart to Oregon. It’s right there in black & white. When I favored Justin on the online dating site I wasn’t expecting him to follow up so quickly with a “Hi.”
We exchanged a few emails and then I gave him my cell number. My motto is let’s meet in the flesh. I want to hear his laugh, his voice; I want to see if he is everything he says he is on paper.
I wasn’t expecting to fall for him so quickly. It wasn’t my intention-just casual dating. We just had the best 3rd date ever, spending 24 hours together. He is so attentive-what a wonderful lover. I love being with him. I affectionately call him my CLF: Confidant, Lover, & Friend. My walls are coming down.
Of course it’s inevitable something always gets in the way-the obstacle that we must overcome. I call him on his way to work a few days later. He must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed because he starts in on me regarding Oregon.
“Are you really going to Oregon?” He asks.
“I don’t know. It all depends on where we are when my dad’s house sells.”
“I don’t want to fall for you and then you leave me. I’ve been down that road before and I don’t want to go there again.” I can hear the agitation in his voice.
I try to calm him.
“Justin I really like you. I wasn’t expecting too. My sister Ava says I would be a fool to leave you for Oregon.”
“She did?” He asks.
“Yeah. It’s just like Bob Seger’s song Tomorrow: “I can’t promise you tomorrow no one has the right to lie. Have you heard it?”
“No.” He says.
“Can’t we just have fun and enjoy each other in the moment and get to know each other? I ask.
“I guess you’re right. We don’t even know each other…” His voice trails off.
“Are we okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. I just pulled into to work. Talk to you later.”
“Okay” I say.
I am uneasy. The big white elephant is staring us right in the face. I can feel that this is not going to be the last of this conversation. Justin is brooding. The Scorpio in him will not let it lie…
“I’m starving. Let’s get a bite to eat.” Justin says as he’s zipping his jeans. “I thought you had plenty to eat” I said laughing. He wraps his arms around me, kisses me and smiles.
I take him to Bailey’s and we order lunch. “If we get to the gift giving stage I know exactly what I am getting you.” He says as he holds my hand. I am tingling. I still can’t get over how attentive he is. He leans towards me and says “kiss me”. I do. It’s nice. His hazel eyes look through me and I melt.
“And what are you going to get me?” I ask. “You will find out”…
That night after we graze the horses, he meets my sister, Ava. We all converse on an intellectual level. Good looks, a brain and very affectionate. A girl could get used to this. I notice that if I stand away from him he comes over and stands very close to me. I like him invading my space…I feel secure with him.
It’s getting late. We say goodnight to Ava and I lead him once again to my bedroom. I put my arms around him and we kiss. He feels so good. His body is soft and tender yet masculine. I love how he touches me.
I want him-I am so wet I can barely contain myself as I take off his clothing. He looks at me and I melt. His hard cock is perfect as I take him all in…I come so many times. He’s an amazing lover.
As I lie next to him after our tepid love-making he strokes my face and I smile. He looks at me. Jane has met her Tarzan…
It’s Memorial Weekend that Justin is coming over to my house to spend the night. A sleep over…our first. Hmmm…Nervous? A little. At 1pm he is at my door. I open it, he is so God Like. Tall, dark and handsome. He smiles at me with his mischievous grin and takes me in his arms and hugs me. He hugs like a bear-nice. He leans down and kisses me. I melt he is so affectionate. I have never been with a man who is so touchy feel. I could get used to this.
“So this is my home-Welcome Home” I say as I lead him into the house hand in hand. “I like it, it reminds me of where I grew up”. I show him the house and the final stop my bedroom. The bed…The king size platform bed. “I know it’s not the best headboard for sex but it will have to do.” I say laughing.
He puts his hands on my hips and motions me to the bed. I instinctively sit. He bends down and kisses me. I can see where this is leading. I am starting to get goose bumps.
I think he has done this before…
My walls are coming down…I am letting him in…What a wonderful lover he is…putting my needs first…pleasuring me so attentively…
Justin and I are going on our third date. It’s been only 2 weeks since our 1st date but we talk everyday. I am starting to really like him. It’s funny on my online dating profile I said that I want to date but nothing serious. I want my freedom to do what I want without feeling guilty. I’ve dated plenty of men and it’s always been NEXT until Justin. Something about him-maybe it was that on his dating profile he wanted a long-term relationship. Hmmm…Could I do that? Could I be with just one guy?
He’s great on paper and in real life better. I’ve never met someone who I feel such a connection with. I start weighing the pros and cons. Pros: He has his act together, a great family, loves his daughters & they love him, a steady job that he is passionate about, he’s a builder, he is an ISEC (I made it up) Intellectual Stimulating Eye Candy, very affectionate (never had someone so touchy feel in my life-I love it), gentlemen (opens my car door). and I love being with him.
Cons: He is a Scorpio like me-very emotional. He’s controlling-he likes things done his way-Alfa-just like me-how can 2 queens run the castle? He analyzes everything to death vs. me-I am extremely impulsive-how can we get along in the long run? Yin and Yang. He’s older than me-I know 3 years but he is in a different decade. He loves women who are well endowed-I am not, I am small & perky. I think the last one is a major factor, because I am feeling insecure that I will never measure up to his ideal woman. I can see that driving us apart…
My walls will go up to protect myself and I will become unglued. It’s not going to be pretty. Even though he says it’s the whole package I can’t help but think that he’s just saying that to appease me…
The art of french kissing: If I’m sexually attracted to you I will want to kiss you and the kiss is the tell-tale sign of things to come…A great french kiss does not involve lots of saliva (no dogs drooling at the table) nor does it involve the limp tongue (dead fish) nor does it involve face sucking. It’s an art that is learned. It’s very sensual and arouses the senses.
“The Kiss” I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor, wrapping my arms around you as you pull me close. “I want to kiss you all over” by Exile is playing in the background. With eyes closed I slowly make my way to your lips. My mouth touches yours. I wait patiently for you to let me in. Slowly, you open your mouth. My tongue cautiously enters, prodding, feeling its way into the darkness. Our tongues meet and become one; dancing, caressing…
I switched to a paying website to see if there was a better caliber of men who actually want to meet. It’s all a marketing game. Strategic positioning, changing pictures, profiles helps shake things up. My current profile reads:
I am doing a search and this ad for coupons for the online dating site keeps on popping up on the bottom right of my screen. It reminds me of a small dog jumping up and down. I x it off and low in behold it comes right back. Doesn’t it get it I’m just not that into it….Hmmm….
Humor let’s our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route. I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up some from known unknown.
Come ride with me and leave your GPS at home. The trip is so much more fun when.you don’t have a clue to what’s behind the door or know what’s in the curve ahead. Carry on baggage is preferred when straying off the beaten path for new adventures.
Seek and you will find? A confidant, a lover, or a friend. All of the above would be a jolly old time as well. Run wild by my side. Be my equal but don’t try to tame me. I am looking for a man who is passionate in who he is and what he stands for. A man who is not afraid to stand at the plate and swing and miss. One who follows his own path, not what others tell him (society).
If you are intelligent, adventurous, fun, loves to laugh (does anyone remember laughter?), flirtatious, sensual, spontaneous…then come and knock on my door and say hello. Do you hear the theme song to Three’s Company? I would love to get to know you, especially if you are an ISEC.
Sexual Chemistry is a must…unless we are just platonic friends.
An Enigma, a contradiction in terms and a free spirit-the girl in 3D.
All around girl who is passionate in what she does and what she believes in. Not your average girl. I come from a creative talented family who believes in following dreams and making them a reality. A rebel with a cause. Don’t label me I am not a can of soup. The poem, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost is my favorite-the words ring true it’s what I live by.
Traveling, seeing the world is amazing. Interlaken, Switzerland is beautiful. The rivers from the glacier melts are turquoise blue. It’s off the beaten path, but well worth the trip. To see the sculpture “The Kiss” by Rodin in Paris up close is very sensual. Life is full of adventures, I’m heading out, do you want to come?
Here’s a little ditty I made up:
If I choose to love only you.
Your heart must be free to love only me
I will leave you with a few quotes; some that I made up and others from Authors unknown (If you know who coined it, let me know not no):
“Laugh at your own problems, everybody else does.”
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
“Some people hear voices…Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.”
“I never get lost; it just takes me a little longer to get home.”
“What’s the difference between a man and ET? ET phoned home.”
What’s up with texting goodbyes? Is the conversation over? Hello is anyone out there? Can you hear me? Hellllooooooo…
“I am not looking to tie you down, chain you up or run you over with your truck. That goes ditto for me except I don’t drive or own a truck.”
Smile you are on Candid Camera.
I will be changing it again very soon. It’s an interesting past time to say the least.
What is it with fake profiles? Why do they seem to be so prevalent on online dating sites? Beautiful man checking out my profile. Of course I had to peek at his. Interesting, he’s a doctor with a PhD, black hair, brown eyes, a body to die for… Wait did he say he has brown eyes? Hold the fort. Let me go back to that picture. I swear he has green eyes. They look green. Hmmmm…..He says he’s looking for his last kiss. Is he dying?
Curious that I am I have to write to him. I write a seductive note:
Are you the man who knows how to use his tongue in all the right places? I believe it’s called French kissing.
A man who can go the distance and can pleasure a woman not just in words but in actions?
A man who is passionate inside and outside the bedroom?
The pleasure is all mine.
No response. I thought at least that would get his attention-he is a man or so I think he is. And as they say men have 2 emotions, hungry & horny. If you don’t see him with an erection make him a sandwich. I’m not sure who coined that phrase but I thought it was funny.
A few weeks later I see that he has changed his profile. He is now in sales/marketing with a high school diploma. Same pictures though & same interests. I have to write again. I can’t resist the urge to mock him.
You are too funny! Your old profile said that you were in the medical profession and had a PHD/Doctrate degree. You also said that you were into french kissing and you could have sex 3 to 4 times/night and you were looking for your last kiss…
Now your profession is sales and marketing and you have a high school degree. Your interests are the same and the picture is the same. But can the real….Please Stand up. You are looking for morals and honesty? WOW!!!!
I take it you were annoyed by all the women drooling over you due to your sex appeal and being a Doctor meant sugar daddy appeal to women.
“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.”
Okay now. This guy is a total loser. On top of it he can’t spell-apparently he doesn’t use a dictionary-probably doesn’t know what one is. I can’t help but badger him. It’s the wise ass in me that is compelled to do so. I write back.
I was on a free online dating site; but I wanted to know if there was a difference in quality of men on paying sites. So I signed up on a online dating site where one must pay for service. My feeling is that if you have to pay for it you will want to meet in person. There will be less introverts and more extroverts on paying sites. That was my theory. Boy was I wrong. It’s the same caliber of men just recycled-like the evening news.
When push comes to shove the majority of people really don’t want to meet in person. Online dating is fantasy land. “Ooh baby baby. let’s get it on.” It’s a video game. Texting, sexting, phone conversations, emailing, IM, video chatting whatever todays flavor, keeps people at arm’s length. It’s all the same mumbo jumbo crap. It’s better not to have to get involved with an actual human being. The thought of another horrible blind date is more than most can bear.
Sitting at home at our computer in our sloppy clothes, stuffing our face with high calorie food is comforting. Knowing that we can create the fantasy of what that person is like and our persona that we created is better than real life.
What is up with the Hynes Bridge detour signs in Amesbury/Newburyport? It should be called: Can’t get there from here. Whom ever put those signs up was having a little fun, at my expense. They were actually saying: I don’t want you to get where you are going which is right here so I am going to make it as complicated as possible for you to get there. I was so close but so far. :) Oh man! Have mercy on me now! LOL!!!
But apparently it didn’t matter because when one uses texting as a form of the only communication (men of a certain age under 56), lines get crossed and yada yada yada you know what happened with this story… What could have been a great, fun day turned out to be…NOT!!!…So boys & men if you are interested in me call me with your vocal chords…it’s very simple…When I call you to let you know that I’m on my way but have been detained due to a detour, call me back!!! My number shows up on your cell as missed call-voice mail. You know we have plans check the Gosh Darn phone! (I’m being polite for all those god fearing people out there).
Then I don’t have to wait around for hours at the place we are meeting (Not Your Average Joe’s in Newburyport, MA) thinking you blew me off. As steam or is it smoke? starts to come out of my ears and I’m getting very annoyed. Patience is not a virtue of mine. Have you figured that out yet?!
I’m thinking; “How dare you blow me off! You haven’t even met me yet, blow me off after you meet me!” So after a few drinks I start to rattle off nasty texts that I don’t mean because I’m mad at you. You get my point? Why is this so complicated? Life was so much easier before texting became the only form of communication.
I don’t want to be in a drama movie…LOL! I feel like Kramer: SERENITY NOW! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve been chatting via email, texting & sexting with Aaron aka TallSouthernBoy for over a month now. I have yet to converse with him via vocal chords. I find this unsettling because I always conjure up images in my head about the guy and how his voice resonates. And when I finally meet him my fantasies come crashing down. The human voice seals the deal. He could be the greatest guy but if his voice irritates my senses (finger nails on a black board) then I can’t get past that. My sensitive ears and soul oh my. I am rambling must get back to the date with Aaron.
He texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him in Boston at a new hip restaurant. I agreed. Since he doesn’t have a car, I would drive into Cambridge and park at Alewife, take the Red Line to Park then the Green line to Copley. As the day approached I felt like a school girl getting ready for her first date.
My friend Chloe, a hair stylist gave me a great cut. Since Aaron’s favorite turn on is thigh high black nylons I went to Macy’s to get a few pairs (runs are common so one must get more than one for that just in case). I was meeting him at 7 pm and it was already 5 pm. Okay one more glance in the mirror-You look smashing-go get him.
Of course best laid plans always go off with a hitch. I breezed right into Cambridge but it became a parking lot a 1/4 mile from Alewife. It took me almost a half hour to park-I could have walked. Found a place to park and ran to the train. Apparently MBTA decided to make my life a little more complicated-No more people at the ticket counter-machines only. Ugh. I just want a token to get me on the damn train. Nope machine is being difficult. 10 more minutes pass. It’s close to 6:30. My phone is ringing-its Aaron I answer and I hear his voice for the first time. It’s soothing to the ears-phew. He just got to the restaurant and wanted to know my ETA. Hopefully 7 I hear myself saying as long as the trains behave.
Famous last words. I get on the RedLine and it stops for 10 minutes in the middle of nowhere. I finally get to the Green line and apparently I am on the wrong side of the tracks. I race to the other side (heels were not made for running the 100 yard dash) and get on the overcrowded sardine train.
Arriving to my destination at 7:15, I see Aaron sipping wine at a table. He looks around and sees me and smiles. He stands up yes he is quite tall 6’4″ could be a little taller due to the cowboy boots he is wearing. We size each-other up. He has gained about 40 pounds of fat (his pictures are of a sexy athletic man). He’s growing some kind of fuzzy beard. He reminds me of John Adams (the President). Okay. Maybe I can get past this-since he’s quite intelligent and sexual.
We hug and sit down. He asks me if I would like a glass of wine and I order a Riesling. We chat for a bit. It’s apparent he is an arrogant son of a bitch. He’s talking about how Americans don’t appreciate Architects and he has to go abroad to South America because Americans can’t afford him.
I have this feeling of throwing my glass of wine in his face and walking out but I refrain. I am famished and drinking wine on an empty stomach is making me light-headed. He asks if I’m hungry-I tell him that I’m famished. “There’s a great little pub around the corner that serves great home style food” he tells me (the one good thing he has told me all night).
I smile and tell him that sounds good. Let’s go. We walk a few blocks to the pub making small talk along the way. Dinner is uneventful he talks more about himself and my mind starts to wonder. Finally dinner is over. He asks me if I want to see his projects at his apartment which is a block from here. Instead of saying what’s on my mind, I tell him yes.
He pays for dinner and we leave. I would like to leave without him as well. But I did spend 2 hours getting here I might as well try to enjoy myself. Maybe his projects are worth it. We arrive at his studio apartment and he shows me his designs & prototypes. Interesting but useful? Hmmmm. The jury is still out on that.
Then he turns around and kisses me. My eyes are closed (I can’t bear to open them) and we kiss. I’m thinking of his pictures he was eye candy-so cute. Maybe just maybe he is a good kisser?
Nope. He kisses like a dog at the kitchen table aka the wet kiss and the limp tongue aka the dead fish. I open my eyes and see him for what he really is. I can’t do this. I push him away and put on my coat and tell him thanks for the evening but I have to go. I literally run out the door. I felt as though I had a panic attack-I couldn’t breath.
I’m on the redline heading back when he texts me and asks me what is wrong. I contemplate what to say. Finally I text him back. Oblivious to my surroundings I look up. The train has stopped and it is void of people. I’m dressed in my long red coat, black dress, and heels. I have my new cell phone in my left hand as I peer out of the train. All of a sudden the doors close on me and my cell phone drops from my hand. I kick it with my left leg-it reaches safety away from the tracks.
A passerby comes to my rescue. I ask him to retrieve my cell phone for me. He picks it up and puts it back in my hand. I am still stuck in the door flailing about (half in half out) what a sight I must have been. Finally the doors open-I am free. Being stuck in the door was the highlight of my bad date. It was the funniest thing that happened to me all night.
My online profile on a popular free online dating service and the results.
“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” -Steven Wright.
According to … I have no personality! They are judging me without even knowing me! Hmmmm. I refuse to subjugate myself to a fish type! LOL! -JK Hars
“Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin
Musings, humorous lines, conversations and or observations that make me laugh from some that I made up and the rest from others (If you know who coined the phrase please let me know – I saw them on the internet without the Authors-too shame!)
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
“I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.”
“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”
Are you getting the hint? Intelligent, passionate, fun-loving, adventurous, all round girl who’s in need of comic relief. I can’t take anymore drama (okay maybe a little to shake things up)! Looking for (a girl can dream can’t she?) a man who is…Ideally: ISEC. Physical attributes: Eye Candy who makes my heart skip a beat-easy on the eyes. One who is fit-in shape (not upside down triangles but no weeble wobbles but they don’t fall down body types either). One who can keep up with me in the… One who has more hair on head than on rest of body (not bald-No Kojaks, no George Constanzas). And most important a full set of healthy teeth for smiling-no toothless rotted teeth grins).
Emotional attributes: Must have Passion. Sexual attraction/chemistry is a must if we are more than friends. A brain and a wit (No male bimbos need apply or Mimbo as Jerry Seinfeld says to Elaine):) One who makes me laugh and makes me kiddy and giddy. Flirt with me.
Run wild by my side, but don’t try to tame me. Be my confidant, my lover and my friend.
I want to be the great book you can’t put down…
If you can do all this, on paper and in real life then we will have the time of our lives.
BTW: I am really 46 years young, 130.5 pounds and 5′ 7 1/2″ short. I am not ready to be put in the box that says 46-54. I don’t feel it or look it. So there! LOL!
“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.” (unknown)
Even the days of the week spell WTF (W)ednesday (T)hursday (F)riday. WTF is up with … and their picture rules? UGH! So silly. Stupid rules need to be broken…SERENITY NOW!!! Also I had a great picture of a fence that looked like cows they took it off but I put it back on…Rebel with a cause! What a riot….!
By the way 8 pictures of the same, me, myself and I in different locations and poses? Hmmmmm… Now that’s original! :)
If you got this far, then you don’t have ADHD (creative types I understand) and you can read more than a sentence that’s brownie points for you. :)
On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. CAPITAL LETTERS I am told means that the person is upset. And everyone’s favorite is, the acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh just like the laugh tracks on TV comedy shows)…Hmmmmmmm……………..
I don’t drink coffee so that’s out-well you can drink it, I am not your mother. :) Casual atmosphere, no pressure just great conversation and laughter. Keep it simple…
Results of my long profile with pictures. I have received 11 emails from men. Let me take a look. Some men have actually read not red the whole profile, before messaging me. Kudos to them. Others have just looked at the pictures and obviously not read my profile. Hmmmm….I must weed. There are revisions in the works.
What is it with spelling and grammar? Yes I know I’m not the best in that field but at least I try. When I don’t know how to spell a word I look it up in the dictionary (the kind that actually has pages that turn as in a book).
Many men on this site don’t know how to spell or take the time to look at what they wrote before they send it off to me. That is a turn off. So moral of the story: read my entire profile. If you want to send me a message please use the spell checker or a reliable dictionary and make the corrections before you send it to me. I will respond in kind. I know I am venting but don’t you hear the sarcasm in my rants? Ugh!
Three messages from married men. What is up with the stray dog? Apparently he isn’t neutered. Not happy? Get a divorce. I have no desire to be their psychiatrists or their fools or both. I must block them from contacting me.
Who else has written? This guy sounds interesting: TallSouthernBoy: 29, Boston, MA, educated-going to school for his Masters in Design, has traveled outside the U.S and he is very cute. He wrote: Hello, You have a very interesting profile. I think it’s one of the longest I’ve read. :) It’s actually amazing how similar our interests are. One horse lover to another. Hope to hear back. – Aaron
I think I will have to write back to this cowboy…a boy after my own heart…