Search

HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

Tag

Relationship

The Breakup: The one who leaves almost always says-Let’s be friends while the other is left with…

Justin’s dog is sick and needs an operation which is scheduled for Monday at 8am. The vet that I recommend to him is 10 minutes from my house. I tell him he to bring his dog with him to spend Sunday & Monday  with me at my house. He can then take the dog to the vet and we can enjoy Monday together. Best laid plans seldom work out…

It is Sunday afternoon and we are playing in the pool when I teasingly say “You just want to be platonic friends?” He responds “Yeah. I think we should.” I shake my head and ask if he’s joking and he says no.

Here I am trying to be nice without losing my cool. He just doesn’t feel the fireworks with me like he thinks he should feel.  I don’t get it,  just a few days ago he tells me he really likes me a lot and now he just wants to be friends? Is he fucking nuts?

On one hand I want to tell him to go to hell and leave but on the other hand his dog has the operation the next day . Ugh. I feel trapped. My compassion wins out for the dog. I didn’t want to put any stress on it. If he had any sense he would have broken up with me the next day when he was leaving not before hand. That would have been the right thing to do. Are you hearing this Justin?

But now it’s out there right in front of us. My ego is bruised.  I try to make the best of it and tell him to stay the night. I’m not ready to let him go. He’s gorgeous with a beautiful body; just one more day of seeing his naked body next to mine… Okay maybe it wasn’t going to work out being lovers maybe we could be friends.  WTF was I thinking? Being friends with an X when you like him more than a friend?…I don’t think so.

The one who leaves almost always says: Let’s be friends while the other is left with…

Online dating: After being dissed-Playing it cool

Online dating: After being dissed-Playing it cool.

Online dating: After being dissed-Playing it cool

Justin & I have text back and forth regarding “The Summer fling thing”. Funny though he says that he would be jealous (Scorpio thing) if I date other men, but it’s not ok for me to be jealous or hurt by his words. Hmmm… My friend Sara tells me to give it 3-4 months before asking for a commitment. Funny thing I never asked Justin for a commitment but as soon as he said those words to me-I realized I did. I let my walls come down and now they are going back up.

The weekend is coming up and I post on FB asking for suggestions on where I can go for a weekend getaway. We are finishing the floors at my dad’s house so I need to be away from Friday-Sunday.  I plan on going away by myself. I am not calling Justin. No way…

On Wednesday Justin texts me asking if I want to spend Saturday night and Father’s day with him. His step daughter is having a Father’s day cookout. Since he asked me I respond; “k”. I text him that I will be staying at a hotel on Friday night and he invites me to stay with him Friday night as well.

I text back: a whole weekend together-are we going to get along? :^). He responds; “Yeah-it will be fine.”

I know this weekend is huge. Even though I am still feeling slighted I need to play it cool. I text: Hay hot & heavy can you handle 3 days of …?” He replies: “Not sure. U may change ur mind about me after this weekend. I respond: “Why will I change my opinion of u by end of weekend? Are u turning into a frog? Him: “Maybe I won’t keep up w u and ul decide im not so desirable.

I am hanging with my friend Mandy and I show her the texts. “Keep it light heartened” she says to me. Ok. I will I say laughing. I send him a picture of something silly and text him “I am not worried about u not keeping up w/ me. There r plenty of fun ways to get off…

Mandy and I laugh. “Keeping it light and fun is what I must concentrate on…

Online Dating: The Warning Signs

Justin and I have been dating almost a month. When we are together we have a blast.  It’s Friday night and he is heading to my house from work. I open the door and he gives me a bear hug and a kiss. I melt. He is so affectionate.

“Are you hungry?” I ask as I lead him to the kitchen.

“Starving.” He says.

“You are going to help me make dinner. Can you handle that?” I say smiling.

“I think I can. You just tell me what to do and I will do it.” He says with a grin.

He is so cute with those laughing eyes.

We make Chicken Paprika which is chicken, sautéed onions, sour cream and lots of paprika over rice. It’s quite easy to prepare and delicious. My sister Ava joins us for dinner and we sit for hours talking and drinking wine.

After dinner we make a fire and listen to music and dance. The way he looks at me I feel as though he is looking deep into my soul. It’s a little un-nerving. I am starting to let him in-my walls are coming down. But apparently all is not rosy on the home front…

Doesn't want to be tied down.

The next day as he is leaving to go home we start talking about relationships. He motions me to sit on his lap and I say: “If you ever want to get rid of me cheat on me.” Apparently those words didn’t register because as he is getting into his truck he says:

“Summer is coming and if an opportunity arises I will take it”.

I am floored. Didn’t what I just say to him register at all in his brain?

“What does that mean?” I asked searching his face for an answer.

“It means that I am not ready to be in an exclusive relationship.”  We’ve only known each other a few weeks.” He counters.

I am speechless. I shake my head. I can feel the tears welling up and I walk away. I can hear him call after me;

“Doesn’t mean that I will. l am just saying”. I can hear the truck door close and I hear him pulling out of the driveway.

My heart is breaking. Here he is telling me that he really likes me a lot and the way he is so affectionate with me I know he cares deeply and then he tells me this. I can’t figure him out…

What’s a girl to do?

Let’s just be friends…

woman watercolor & guitarLesson learned: When someone says let’s just be friends translation he/she met someone else. It also means I really don’t want to be friends with you I’m just saying it to let you down easy and be nice. When in reality that is a lie. Here’s my advice don’t say it if you don’t mean it. Don’t say anything nice at all-just say goodbye…The End

Is it the truth we seek?

If you want to see the Scorpio come out in me just lie to me. Everything you said to me – was that just a lie? Trust is earned it’s not given…Lessons learned…

Friendship_love_and_truthPS. It takes me a while to let go of the pain…I will eventually get back to the even keel. I will get there. What you call weird is just me lashing out because I allowed you in and I allowed myself to get hurt…

The Big White Elephant

Time...
Time…

In my online dating profile I disclose that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am leaving New England soon to follow my heart to Oregon. It’s right there in black & white. When I favored Justin on the online dating site I wasn’t expecting him to follow up so quickly with a “Hi.”

We exchanged a few emails and then I gave him my cell number. My motto is let’s meet in the flesh. I want to hear his laugh, his voice; I want to see if he is everything he says he is on paper.

I wasn’t expecting to fall for him so quickly. It wasn’t my intention-just casual dating. We just had the best 3rd date ever, spending 24 hours together. He is so attentive-what a wonderful lover. I love being with him. I affectionately call him my CLF: Confidant, Lover, & Friend. My walls are coming down.

Of course it’s inevitable something always gets in the way-the obstacle that we must overcome. I call him on his way to work a few days later. He must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed because he starts in on me regarding Oregon.

“Are you really going to Oregon?” He asks.

“I don’t know. It all depends on where we are when my dad’s house sells.”

“I don’t want to fall for you and then you leave me. I’ve been down that road before and I don’t want to go there again.” I can hear the agitation in his voice.

I try to calm him.

“Justin I really like you. I wasn’t expecting too. My sister Ava says I would be a fool to leave you for Oregon.”

“She did?” He asks.

“Yeah. It’s just like Bob Seger’s song Tomorrow: “I can’t promise you tomorrow no one has the right to lie. Have you heard it?”

“No.” He says.

“Can’t we just have fun and enjoy each other in the moment and get to know each other? I ask.

“I guess you’re right. We don’t even know each other…” His voice trails off.

“Are we okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. I just pulled into to work. Talk to you later.”

“Okay” I say.

I am uneasy. The big white elephant is staring us right in the face. I can feel that this is not going to be the last of this conversation. Justin is brooding. The Scorpio in him will not let it lie…

The X’s aka The X Factor

Julia with wine friendsIt’s the 3rd date rule apparently, to ask about the X’s. Find out about his/her past. Is he/she commitment material? Well Justin has had a number of X’s. Hmmm…Not sure if that if a good sign or not? Relationships that lasted from 1 month to a few years. Some ended badly others he is now friends with. A number of his x’s he is friends with. Hmmm…

On our second date I asked him (a little ditty I made up).

“If I choose to love only you

Is your heart free to love only me?”

He thought about it for a moment and then said he has love in his heart for others but he is not looking to get back with them. I wanted to know if I should let my walls down and let him in…I suppose his answer was truthful.

I am not jealous…I don’t feel threatened…but one woman in particular-Amanda, I know he still has feelings for. They were together for 9 months but she felt they couldn’t live together or have a future together…They are extremely close even now…Hmmm…

I on the other hand had a one night stand that lasted 15 years; my x husband. I had 2 FWB aka Friends with benefits or no strings attached relationships one lasted 4 years the other 7 plus years.  Those did not end well. I’ve dated many men; I call them “One date wonders”. NEXT! I am extremely choosy on who I let into my life. I am done settling.

I really like Justin, I could see myself with just him. But is he long-term? He seems to end relationships quickly. I don’t know…When the going gets tough is he the type that gets going? His relationships are windows to his soul. I am a little uneasy…

Pros and cons of the one I like…

Mark POF doctor sales guy chestJustin and I are going on our third date. It’s been only 2 weeks since our 1st date but we talk everyday. I am starting to really like him. It’s funny on my online dating profile I said that I want to date but nothing serious. I want my freedom to do what I want without feeling guilty. I’ve dated plenty of men and it’s always been NEXT until Justin. Something about him-maybe it was that on his dating profile he wanted a long-term relationship. Hmmm…Could I do that? Could I be with just one guy?

He’s great on paper and in real life better. I’ve never met someone who I feel such a connection with. I start weighing the pros and cons. Pros: He has his act together, a great family, loves his daughters & they love him, a steady job that he is passionate about, he’s a builder, he is an ISEC (I made it up) Intellectual Stimulating Eye Candy, very affectionate (never had someone so touchy feel in my life-I love it), gentlemen (opens my car door). and I love being with him.

Cons: He is a Scorpio like me-very emotional. He’s controlling-he likes things done his way-Alfa-just like me-how can 2 queens run the castle? He analyzes everything to death vs. me-I am extremely impulsive-how can we get along in the long run? Yin and Yang. He’s older than me-I know 3 years but he is in a different decade. He loves women who are well endowed-I am not, I am small & perky. I think the last one is a major factor, because I am feeling insecure that I will never measure up to his ideal woman. I can see that driving us apart…

My walls will go up to protect myself and I will become unglued. It’s not going to be pretty. Even though he says it’s the whole package I can’t help but think that he’s just saying that to appease me…

Hmmmm…What’s a girl to do?

The Faceless Creature

Do those who hide behind their masks seek truth? Or, are they afraid of the perceptions of those who judge them?

Have you seen him? Does he look very similar to others? Apparently there are many of them. Can you tell them apart? Hmmmm….

I understand online dating is equivalent to the blind date. I know that many women say looks aren’t everything. But who are we kidding? To me it’s the whole package. I am not one to fall in love with a faceless creature. This is not “Beauty & The Beast”. My mind conjures up images of what I seek, what I fantasize about. His written words might intrigue me and I may converse for a time but I am curious to know what lies on the outside.

Sexual chemistry is not just his soul but his physical prowess. He doesn’t have to be a Greek god. I’ve met beautiful men who are eye candy but once the mouth opens, I just want to duct tape it shut. Nor does he have to be Zeus aka the upside down triangle but he shouldn’t be a weeble wobble but don’t fall down body type either. Taking care of the body is important to me. It means he wants a healthy body to keep him from death’s door.

The face is the window to his soul. It could be something as simple as his smile, or the twinkle in his eyes that captures my interest. I want to know more. Pictures tell 1000 words. I understand it’s not everything but it’s a start. I’ve spoken to the “No Face” and asked about his picture. The responses are the same. The picture is too small and the dating site won’t allow him to put it on. He’s not photogenic, he’s not… Why doesn’t he just tell me he’s in the witness protection program or wanted by the FBI? It’s the same thing. It’s an excuse to hide behind.

When one hides behind the mask it shows insecurity and deception. It also lowers the bar on trust. If you are serious about knowing who I am, show me your face.

To Pay or Not To Pay That is the ?

I was on a free online dating site;  but I wanted to know if there was a difference in quality of men on paying sites. So I signed up on a online dating site where one must pay for service.  My feeling is that if you have to pay for it you will want to meet in person. There will be less introverts and more extroverts on paying sites. That was my theory.  Boy was I wrong. It’s the same caliber of men just recycled-like the evening news.

When push comes to shove the majority of people really don’t want to meet in person. Online dating is fantasy land. “Ooh baby baby. let’s get it on.” It’s a video game. Texting, sexting, phone conversations, emailing, IM, video chatting whatever todays flavor, keeps people at arm’s length. It’s all the same mumbo jumbo crap. It’s better not to have to get involved with an actual human being. The thought of another horrible blind date is more than most can bear.

Sitting at home at our computer in our sloppy clothes, stuffing our face with high calorie food is comforting. Knowing that we can create the fantasy of what that person is like and our persona that we created is better than real life.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: