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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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romantic comedies

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences.

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences

IMG_8247Relationships are like socks. In the beginning they are always seen together. They feel good, enjoying each other’s company. Life is good. Then the days, weeks, months, and years go by and they spend less and less time together. One day you find that your partner is MIA just like socks that have gone through the wash. Single again. The MIA sock has attached itself to another article of clothing, never too be seen together again. Just like the relationship that has gone south.

Now you just have single socks which you put into the single sock drawer. Holding on to them just in case the other mate shows up and you will be together again. The socks are piling up.

Adding to your collection of single socks
Adding to your collection of single socks

One day you realize that sock is never going to appear and you make the decision to throw it out or use it to dust.

The life of relationships and socks.

 

 

Chilling with Big M: The Man who lives in the Van

After learning that my could be lover is homeless, I decide to let him stay with me for the next two weeks. I’ve been in bad situations before, never homeless but down on my luck. I believe in karma what goes around comes around. It’s not like he’s a stranger who I let share my bed with. We have been conversing via phone, text and IM/Facebook every day for the past 1.5 months. He just left out some major details, like being broke, can’t find work as an actor/stuntman, ex girlfriend issues and living in a van. The SNL skit The Man Who Lives Down By The River resonates in my head. Oy!

Does the man in the van have a plan? No Mam!
Does the man in the van have a plan? No Mam!

Would I have come knowing this? Driven 17 hours from Eugene, OR to LA? I don’t know, probably not. But I’m back in warm, sunny California so I might as well enjoy his company. He’s affectionate with a nice body, a great kisser and a wonderful story-teller. He talks for hours about his glory days as a stuntman/cowboy.

We stay at an Airbnb, in Rolling Hills Estates for two nights. It’s on the same street he used to live years ago when he was doing well. He gives me a tour. I hear cats meowing, but they are not cats. Big M tells me I hear peacocks. They are everywhere. It’s amazing. The last time I saw one was in Paris France circa 1992.

Peacock
Peacock
Peacock doing the mating dance
Peacock doing the mating dance

We head back to the guest cottage. As we are getting ready to go out to eat I hear his cry. I rush into the bathroom and he’s on his knees holding his neck. His face is distorted from the excruciating pain. The pain juts through the back of his neck where it’s debilitating him. He’s swears under his breath and slowly gets up.

He tells me he had a neck operation six months ago due to his moto/rodeo days. The pain comes and goes and I can see it in his face. There is nothing I can do and it breaks my heart to see him this way. I try to a help him as much as I can. Is there anything else that can go wrong with him? Seriously? There is a dark cloud looming over his head ready to unleash its fury at any moment.

Minutes pass and the pain subsides. Maybe having a nice meal will make him feel better. I take him out to eat. I don’t want him to starve. He’s not much of a drinker which is good (alcoholism runs in his family) and he doesn’t get expensive items on the menu. His idea of food is hamburgers from a fast food joint and ice-cream that’s his drug of choice.  Opposite from me. I like pubs and nicer establishments where I can sit in a nice environment and enjoy my food, drink and conversation without feeling rushed. I’m not talking about fancy just down to earth.

How can someone who eats like crap have such a nice physique? While I try to eat as healthy as possible but have a flabby tummy. Hmmm. He works out four times a week doing intense exercises. I think that’s the secret to looking good; those gorgeous abs attest to that.

Is this relationship going to last? What am I thinking? Maybe he will be one of those down and out actors who gets his big break again and turns his life around. You know the rags to riches story. It’s nice to dream, after all we are in California…

 

The Laws of Sexual Attraction

I must admit I am sexually attracted to the younger version of the rocker that I’ve been conversing with. He reminds me of Tommy Lee from Motely Crue. He is now 50 but his picture is of him in his 20’s. He tells me he is falling for me. Well, he has an advantage over me because my pictures are all up to date. He sees what I look like now. I am real but he is just a fantasy.

How can I be sexually attracted to the present when all I see is the past? Emotional chemistry we have, but I know from experience one must meet in person if sexual attraction is there. Apparently there are a few exceptions to the rule. Keanu Reeves was hot 30 years ago and still is and so is Brad Pitt. Can this rocker dude still be as hot as he was? Hmmm.

Finally he agrees to meet. I tell him to meet me at Gillian’s, a sports bar. I tell him we can meet as friends, then the pressure is off. If we are not attracted to each other, then we can still enjoy each other’s company. If there is something more for both of us then we can take it to another level. If there isn’t then we will be great friends.

It’s 6pm on Friday and I walk up to the bar. There are a number of guys there as I search for a man I don’t know. Finally he comes up to me and says my name. He looks nothing like his picture. Wow what a transformation. He has a baseball hat on and I can see the back of his grey hair. His face is rugged. He looks moRocker dudere like Clint Eastwood than Tommy Lee. We hug and get a drink. We then play pool for a couple of hours.  We laugh and chide each other. Emotionally attracted yes, physically attracted no! I wish I was, we would be perfect for each other.

But I am one of those honest people, who know right off the bat if I want something more. We say good night with a hug. The next day I text him telling him that I had fun and would love to be friends. He doesn’t reply until Sunday morning at 7am. The droning of the vibrating phone wakes me up. I look at the text: “Nope…Not ok with that…Take care.”

I roll back to sleep. What ever. NEXT!

 

Lessons Learned: Don’t ever accept a lover as a friend on Facebook

What was I thinking? I remember when we were driving one day and Justin said

“Hey why didn’t you accept my friend request on Fakebook?” My response was I don’t go on it much. Now I had to accept him how could I not? The problem about having someone you date on your private page is equivalent to allowing him to look at your diary. It’s very hard when that person who you were once intimate with is now dating someone else 2 weeks after he ended it with you and his face is there in front of you everyday in the friends photo’s section. Just staring at you. I tried to ignore his face but it was the very first one. Why couldn’t his photo be moved to the end of the pack of friends so I couldn’t see him? I tried to be friends with him for about a month, I really did but I couldn’t take it anymore. Trying to be friends with a X who hurt you is torture. I guess that’s why the Block option is available. It should be called the X Factor! AKA WE ARE NOT FRIENDS so F U! :^)

If you are dating please do not accept him or her as a friend. Save yourself the agony and grief. It’s not worth it. As George from Seinfeld said: The two George worlds are colliding. If you won’t take it from me take it from him.

The Breakup: The one who leaves almost always says-Let’s be friends while the other is left with…

Justin’s dog is sick and needs an operation which is scheduled for Monday at 8am. The vet that I recommend to him is 10 minutes from my house. I tell him he to bring his dog with him to spend Sunday & Monday  with me at my house. He can then take the dog to the vet and we can enjoy Monday together. Best laid plans seldom work out…

It is Sunday afternoon and we are playing in the pool when I teasingly say “You just want to be platonic friends?” He responds “Yeah. I think we should.” I shake my head and ask if he’s joking and he says no.

Here I am trying to be nice without losing my cool. He just doesn’t feel the fireworks with me like he thinks he should feel.  I don’t get it,  just a few days ago he tells me he really likes me a lot and now he just wants to be friends? Is he fucking nuts?

On one hand I want to tell him to go to hell and leave but on the other hand his dog has the operation the next day . Ugh. I feel trapped. My compassion wins out for the dog. I didn’t want to put any stress on it. If he had any sense he would have broken up with me the next day when he was leaving not before hand. That would have been the right thing to do. Are you hearing this Justin?

But now it’s out there right in front of us. My ego is bruised.  I try to make the best of it and tell him to stay the night. I’m not ready to let him go. He’s gorgeous with a beautiful body; just one more day of seeing his naked body next to mine… Okay maybe it wasn’t going to work out being lovers maybe we could be friends.  WTF was I thinking? Being friends with an X when you like him more than a friend?…I don’t think so.

The one who leaves almost always says: Let’s be friends while the other is left with…

Relationship issues?

I was told by my past two lovers that I couldn’t handle relationships. Well they are wrong. Apparently they have no clue about a girl and her horse (s). I just spent the last hour out in the field in this f’in 95 degree heat adding new pasture so my horses could graze on real lush grass (Star & Locket are 13+ years-had Star since she was 2 months and Locket since she was 1.5 years old). What we do for our horses! If men only knew our commitment! Ha!
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The Second Date-best ever…

Air Hockey I
Air Hockey I (Photo credit: Crashworks)

Saturday night I had the best first date ever with Justin Logan. I can’t help myself the impulsive girl that I am. I text him the next day and ask if he is allowed to go out on a school night. He replies with a grin, yes. So we meet for a casual fun evening at Boston Billiards. Now I will tell you right off the bat I can’t play pool but after a few cocktails I am a little better. Air hockey? I am queen. Fooze ball I suck but it’s fun to play.

I tell him that I will be shooting basketball hoops and to meet me at the little arcade. I am doing okay until he distracts me. I thought for a tall guy 6’1″ he would be a wiz at basketball but no. He gives me a hug. What a great hugger he is. Hmmm…We chit chatt for a few and then I suggest pool. We play for 2 hours and only 2 games. Apparently other things got in the way. We talk, laugh and flirt for most of it. Every time I go to line up my balls he would close in for the kill. “Go away you are making me nervous” I tell him. Geeze Louise-he is so beautiful I feel like a school girl around him. I think he knows how he can captivate his audience. He is vain and has an ego the size of Mt Everest…but he is fun to flirt with…

We are acting like kids-just laughing and carrying on. We are all over each other. There are sexual undertones going on. I ask him if he wants to play a few games of air hockey. He says yes. Hmmmm…He is in for a surprise.  I am going to whoop his ass…he deserves being brought down a few notches…

First game I win 7 to 4 next I win 7-0. Justin is a good loser. It’s getting late and I ask him if he wants to have a make out session in his truck. I know this is childish but I can’t help myself. We are in the middle of no where and I am curious to see what he is like.

Well when we finally say good night we both agreed that it was the best second date ever…That Justin Logan is one mighty fine kisser…

Needless Markus The Dictator-Plenty of Freaks Online dating site

Needless Markus The Dictator-Plenty of Freaks Online dating site.

The Art of Kissing: A guide to online dating

The art of french kissing: If I’m sexually attracted to you I will want to kiss you and the kiss is the tell-tale sign of things to come…A great french kiss does not involve lots of saliva (no dogs drooling at the table) nor does it involve the limp tongue (dead fish) nor does it involve face sucking. It’s an art that is learned. It’s very sensual and arouses the senses.

“The Kiss” I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor, wrapping my arms around you as you pull me close. “I want to kiss you all over” by Exile is playing in the background. With eyes closed I slowly make my way to your lips. My mouth touches yours. I wait patiently for you to let me in. Slowly, you open your mouth. My tongue cautiously enters, prodding, feeling its way into the darkness. Our tongues meet and become one; dancing, caressing…

NO PRESSURE!!!!

Texting aka NO Tongue For YOU-Why bother having one?

What is up with the Hynes Bridge detour signs in Amesbury/Newburyport? It should be called: Can’t get there from here. Whom ever put those signs up was having a little fun, at my expense. They were actually saying: I don’t want you to get where you are going which is right here so I am going to make it as complicated as possible for you to get there. I was so close but so far. :) Oh man! Have mercy on me now! LOL!!!

But apparently it didn’t matter because when one uses texting as a form of the only communication (men of a certain age under 56), lines get crossed and yada yada yada you know what happened with this story… What could have been a great, fun day turned out to be…NOT!!!…So boys & men if you are interested in me call me with your vocal chords…it’s very simple…When I call you to let you know that I’m on my way but have been detained due to a detour, call me back!!! My number shows up on your cell as missed call-voice mail. You know we have plans check the Gosh Darn phone! (I’m being polite for all those god fearing people out there).

Then I don’t have to wait around for hours at the place we are meeting (Not Your Average Joe’s in Newburyport, MA) thinking you blew me off. As steam or is it smoke? starts to come out of my ears and I’m getting very annoyed. Patience is not a virtue of mine. Have you figured that out yet?!

I’m thinking; “How dare you blow me off! You haven’t even met me yet, blow me off after you meet me!” So after a few drinks I start to rattle off nasty texts that I don’t mean because I’m mad at you. You get my point? Why is this so complicated? Life was so much easier before texting became the only form of communication.

I don’t want to be in a drama movie…LOL! I feel like Kramer: SERENITY NOW! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The waiting game

 

Online dating: HotChild2012 conversation with TallSouthernBoy

Continuation of my last blog – Hotchild’s profile & results

My conversation with tallsouthernboy

Hello,

“We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at least the truth that is given to us to understand.”     Pablo Picasso.

Want to go riding with me? I have 2 mares. You can use your own saddle. We share the same interests and have similar backgrounds. I come from a creative talented family. My father is a retired Architect, my oldest sister is a writer in France, my younger sister Director/Producer in LA, and my youngest sister is an Artist in LA.  My passion is Sustainable Architecture. Great architecture is in my blood (no plop buildings need apply).         -JK

TallSsouthernBoy

Hi! I am interested in riding with you. It’s actually amazing how similar our interests  are. I just got back from a long trip to Tennessee playing with my big sweet horse…ugh I’m home sick already

HotChild2012

Hello again,

Road trips are wonderful. You can always go home again. I’m glad you got to hang out with your buddy…my girls are my kids…they make me laugh. I am Jackie and you are____________________(this is where you insert your first name. You can call me on my cell phone if you want to converse via vocal chords & or meet. I think we could be great friends.   I would love to come into Boston and check  out the new addition of the Isabella  Stewart Gardner Museum. My father designed the Green Houses at the Gardner in the late 60’s early 70’s. They tore them down to build the new addition. Hmmm…. If you would like to check it out with me then give me a call.        – JK

         HotChild2012

Hello my friend,

It was interesting chatting with you last night.  I’m new to IM chatting.

Sustainability is a way of life. For 1000’s of years man has been green. They were in  harmony with nature. They understood the benefits of the sun as a heat source. The Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings in Colorado are a perfect example of this. The Pueblo Indians built their dwellings into the south-facing cliffs.  They understood Passive Solar.

The site and topography are the most important ingredient in building. Frank  Lloyd Wright summed it up best when he said: “No house should ever be on a hill or on anything. It should be of the hill. Belonging to it. Hill and house should live together each the happier for the other”.

I have a proposition for you and it’s not sexual. LOL! Call me when you have a moment. It involves real estate & sustainable affordable architecture.

JK , Sustainable Designer

TallSouthernBoy

You are very sweet to send me this note :)  I’m am Aaron. Nice to chat with you. I actually worked with a team for the solar house in 2011 and recently  designed a 10K house for tsunami relief in Japan made of entirely  recycled and recyclable plastics that allow 70% UV filtered light  through the skin to be absorbed by a large water tank.

Sounds like we have some very similar interests indeed…what are you up to today? I’m sorry I haven’t called you on your cell. I’m in a place where cell service sucks.          A

HotChild2012

Hello Aaron aka IS :)

Regarding your excuse for not calling. I will forgive you. I wasn’t sure if you actually know how to use a phone or speak via voice aka vocal chords! I am not so sure you do!!! Time will tell! LOL!!!   Regarding design/build. Hats off to you for your ability to use innovative Sustainable thinking/design/materials. It’s amazing what one can accomplish when pushing the envelope. I would love to see your projects.

Final note on quotes:

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” – David Brinkley

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief  in a thing makes it happen.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“You can design & create, and build the most wonderful place in  the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality.” – Walt     Disney

Happy trails,

JK

TallSouthernBoy

so I’m curious of your proposition…       – A

HotChild2012

He was always a good little monkey and always very curious… :)   Call me & I will tell you. I think it would be a great project to work     on especially for your academics.        JK

TallSouthernBoy

I would be open to all kinds of propositions from you :)         –A

HotChild2012

All hah!!!? I will be your mentor!  – Mrs Robinson (The Graduate) Hahahaha!!!!

TallSouthernBoy

Now you have my attention….my erect…ahem..direct     -A

HotChild2012

See if I saw you in person this is what would happen: I want  to suck you, lick you, wanna move my tongue all over you. Wanna feel you in     my mouth…Yep, tat’s how I eat an…ice cream!!!! Hahaha

My online profile on a popular free online dating service and the results.

HotChild2012 profile:

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” -Steven Wright.

According to … I have no personality! They are judging me without even knowing me! Hmmmm. I refuse to subjugate myself to a fish type! LOL! -JK Hars

“Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

Musings, humorous lines, conversations and or observations that make me laugh from some that I made up and the rest from others (If you know who coined the phrase please let me know – I saw them on the internet without the Authors-too shame!)

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

“I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.”

“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”

Are you getting the hint? Intelligent, passionate, fun-loving, adventurous, all round girl who’s in need of comic relief. I can’t take anymore drama (okay maybe a little to shake things up)! Looking for (a girl can dream can’t she?) a man who is…Ideally: ISEC. Physical attributes: Eye Candy who makes my heart skip a beat-easy on the eyes. One who is fit-in shape (not upside down triangles but no weeble wobbles but they don’t fall down body types either). One who can keep up with me in the… One who has more hair on head than on rest of body (not bald-No Kojaks, no George Constanzas). And most important a full set of healthy teeth for smiling-no toothless rotted teeth grins).

Emotional attributes: Must have Passion. Sexual attraction/chemistry is a must if we are more than friends. A brain and a wit (No male bimbos need apply or Mimbo as Jerry Seinfeld says to Elaine):) One who makes me laugh and makes me kiddy and giddy. Flirt with me.

Run wild by my side, but don’t try to tame me. Be my confidant, my lover and my friend.

I want to be the great book you can’t put down…

If you can do all this, on paper and in real life then we will have the time of our lives.

BTW: I am really 46 years young, 130.5 pounds and 5′ 7 1/2″ short. I am not ready to be put in the box that says 46-54. I don’t feel it or look it. So there! LOL!

“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.” (unknown)

fenced cows
This fence keeps the cows in

Even the days of the week spell WTF (W)ednesday (T)hursday (F)riday. WTF is up with … and their picture rules? UGH! So silly. Stupid rules need to be broken…SERENITY NOW!!! Also I had a great picture of a fence that looked like cows they took it off but I put it back on…Rebel with a cause! What a riot….!

By the way 8 pictures of the same, me, myself and I in different locations and poses? Hmmmmm… Now that’s original! :)

If you got this far, then you don’t have ADHD (creative types I understand) and you can read more than a sentence that’s brownie points for you. :)

On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. CAPITAL LETTERS I am told means that the person is upset. And everyone’s favorite is, the acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh just like the laugh tracks on TV comedy shows)…Hmmmmmmm……………..

First Date

I don’t drink coffee so that’s out-well you can drink it, I am not your mother. :) Casual atmosphere, no pressure just great conversation and laughter. Keep it simple…

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Results of my long profile with pictures. I have received 11 emails from men. Let me take a look. Some men have actually read not red the whole profile, before messaging me. Kudos to them. Others have just looked at the pictures and obviously not read my profile. Hmmmm….I must weed. There are revisions in the works.

What is it with spelling and grammar? Yes I know I’m not the best in that field but at least I try. When I don’t know how to spell a word I look it up in the dictionary (the kind that actually has pages that turn as in a book).

Many men on this site don’t know how to spell or take the time to look at what they wrote before they send it off to me. That is a turn off. So moral of the story: read my entire profile. If you want to send me a message please use the spell checker or a reliable dictionary and make the corrections before you send it to me. I will respond in kind. I know I am venting but don’t you hear the sarcasm in my rants?  Ugh!

Three messages from married men. What is up with the stray dog? Apparently he isn’t neutered. Not happy? Get a divorce.  I have no desire to be their psychiatrists or their fools or both. I must block them from contacting me.

Who else has written? This guy sounds interesting: TallSouthernBoy: 29, Boston, MA, educated-going to school for his Masters in Design, has traveled outside the U.S and he is very cute. He wrote: Hello, You have a very interesting profile. I think it’s one of the longest I’ve read. :) It’s actually amazing how similar our interests are. One horse lover to another. Hope to hear back. – Aaron

I think I will have to write back to this cowboy…a boy after my own heart…

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Next post conversations with TallSouthernBoy

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-)

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-).

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