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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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The X is Real: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Honeymoon stage is over as Mr Hyde comes to town
Hot and Cold

Jonathan and I had a great weekend together, Friday turned into Saturday. Saturday turned into Sunday. We just hung out at his house, cooking, laughing, listening to music and making love. He’s a man of many talents it’s a wonder that Jackie cheated on him. Neither of us brought up his ex’s voice mail, I guess we didn’t want to ruin a good time.

I kiss him goodbye on Sunday evening. He’ll be out of cell phone range for the next four days until Thursday, working on a new home up in the mountains. But we are getting together Friday night so that won’t be too bad. I’m realizing how much I miss him, his voice, his laugh, his touch. He has touched my heart.

But the drama queen invades my thoughts as it keeps on replaying Jackie’s message in my head like a broken record. Jealousy is raising its ugly head. “Stop it!” I say aloud. I look around, thankfully no one hears me.

Finally, I get a text on Friday: “Hey Hun, miss you”

All those feelings of insecurity vanish. He misses me. Why am I worrying so much? Things are going great. He wants me not her.

“Miss you too, can’t wait to see you tonight” I reply.

“I can’t tonight because we ran into issues at the house so I won’t be back until Saturday afternoon. I’ll make it up to you-can you come over Saturday round 5 and stay the night?”

“Hopefully you can work it out. And yes, I’ll be there.”

“Yeah me too. See you soon.”

“Goodbye,” I say as I look down at the phone. Hmmm…

Saturday I pack my bag and head to his house. It’s been a week but it feels like an eternity since we last saw each other. As I park in his driveway, he comes out to greet me. He opens the car door and helps me out.

“What a gentleman you are,” I say as we kiss.

“I try to be,” he says as he helps me with my bag.

Arm and arm we walk into the house.

“How did it go? What were the problems?” I ask as we walk into the kitchen.

Looking annoyed he proceeds to tell me. “A couple of cabinets were broken, which we didn’t see until after the boxes were opened, missing finished ends, the microwave electrical outlet was in the wrong place and the cabinets didn’t fit the design.”

“That sucks. How did you resolve it?”

He walks over and opens the refrigerator, “Would you like a beer, I’m in need of one” he pulls two out before I have a chance to say yes.

He opens the beers and hands one to me as he guzzles one down. “I had to drive to 30 minutes to town to call Alex the Designer and Lisa the Project Manager, since there isn’t any cell service on or near the property. What a fiasco, but we got it straightened out. I had to videotape the issues and send it to them. Some cabinets need to be re-ordered, the electrician needs to come back out and move the outlet. And I will be heading back up there Monday for the week. But enough shop talk. How are you doing?”

“Life is good,” I say with a smile.

He walks over to me and takes my hand. I put down my beer and follow him. He stops, turns around and starts slow dancing with me.

I just look at him and laugh.

“What?” he asks as he kisses my neck.

“We’re dancing in your kitchen, but I like it.”

“Oh good, because I’m putting the moves on you” he laughs as he spins me around.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Jonathan?”

“Now what makes you think that?” He asks coyly.

I laugh as he dips me. “You’re a man after my own heart.”

“That is the plan”

“Oh really? Hmmm… I like that plan.” I say as we kiss.

As the song ends, his cell phone rings. He doesn’t get it but walks by it. “I’ll let it go to voice mail. I’m going to get another beer would you like one?”

“Yeah sure,” I say as I casually look down at the counter and see the caller is Jackie his ex calling again. Then his house phone rings.

“It’s probably Jackie since she just tried your cell,” I say slightly annoyed.

“I’m going to put a stop to this right now.” He says as he walks over and picks up the phone.

“Hey, why do you keep calling me? It’s over. You cheated or don’t you remember that? What? Who was in an accident? Sam? What happened?”

Jonathan is pacing as he speaks to Jackie. “Okay all right, I’ll be there within a half-hour.” He hangs up the phone and tells me that Sam her son who he helped raise was in a serious car accident. He has to go to the hospital.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry. Do you want me to come with you?” I ask.

“No, but stay here I will be back in a few hours.” He says as he grabs his coat and phone and gives me a kiss goodbye.

“Okay, I’ll stay. Call me and let me know what’s happening.”

He rushes out of the house giving me the thumbs-up sign. I watch him leave. As I walk around the house, a melancholy feeling comes over me. They share a child together? He never told me that. Even though Sam isn’t his biological son he must still feel a close bond to him. That is something I won’t get in the middle of it but I wonder if he told her about us? If not he needs to tell her.

The minutes turned to hours. I’m hungry so I make dinner for us and nibble on some bread and cheese and drink wine while I wait for him to return. It’s 11 o’clock and still no word. I’m not sure what to do. Dinner for one, I sit alone, eating and thinking. His dinner is getting cold so I put it in the refrigerator. The wine has gone to my head and I’m a bit tipsy as I walk to the living room couch with a full glass of wine in my hand. After placing the glass on the coffee table, I throw a few more logs into the woodstove and close the glass door. I look at my phone and see that it’s almost midnight. He hasn’t called and I’m worried. What’s happening? I text him, but no reply.

I’m starting to get fidgety. Being a bit under the influence and being worried is not a good combination. I start to think which is not always a good thing. He said that Tuesday he had to go into town to talk to the designer and project manager, but he didn’t even bother texting or calling me when he had cell service? It wasn’t until Friday, the day we were getting together that he texted me. Hmmm… I take a sip of Riesling, contemplating this revelation.

I lie on the couch with a blanket over me to keep me warm as I watch the flames dance. I look at my phone one last time and it’s 2am. My eyes are getting heavy and sleep is beckoning. Finally, I fall into a restless sleep. I awake to the sun’s rays streaming onto my face. I’m still on the couch but where is Jonathan? As soon as I jump up I grab my throbbing head and walk to the bedroom and open the door. He’s sound asleep, snoring away. He never called or texted me to let me know the situation. And he didn’t even wake me up to come to bed with him when he got home.

I know I could have snuck into bed with him but my annoyance got the better of me. I tiptoed to my stuff, picked them up and quietly left. It wasn’t until 4pm that he called me.

“Where did you go?” I woke up and you were gone! No note-nothing!

I responded: “I could ask the same about you! I waited all night at your house but you never called and then I wake up on the couch and find you in bed! WTF!”

“I don’t know why you are getting so upset? I told you Sam was in a serious accident. I found out at the hospital that he broke five ribs and had a serious concussion. He had to stay overnight for observation. That’s why I didn’t come back.”

I retorted, “I know and I’m sorry about what happened to him, but why couldn’t you call me and let me know? That’s all I wanted. I was worried!”

“I wasn’t thinking about you, okay I was only thinking about Sam. I’m sorry.”

I was speechless. He wasn’t even thinking about me. He didn’t even think to call me and let me know what happened or what he was doing or what time he would be home.

I tried to choose my words carefully, “Why didn’t you wake me when you got home so I could come to bed with you?”

“I was exhausted and you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you and I just wanted to sleep alone.”

His sharp words pierce through my heart.

“I gotta go before I say something I’m going to regret.” I hang up.

Click. At this moment I long for the days when we had real telephones that we could slam down the receiver so the other person knew how we felt. Maybe they should make an end call sound for those occasions!

When I’m extremely mad I either yell or become silent. Today I chose the latter. I refuse to talk until I calm down and think things through. I don’t want to say something that I will regret. It’s just the way I am, but Jonathan is different. He wants to get it out right away, so he proceeds to call me 15 times in a row. His last two calls he leaves three minute incoherent but nasty voicemails and then starts texting me. It’s almost as though he has obsessive-compulsive behavior.

He must be drunk since he is slurring his words. I guess my silence infuriates him but does he have to call so many times and leave nasty messages? WTF is wrong with this dude? Can’t he just leave me alone for a while and then call back and apologize instead of going off on a nutty rant? The honeymoon stage is over-Mr. Hyde has come to town.

 

The Ex and Memory Lane: Dating or whatever we call it

And the waves came crashing down

Jonathan and I have been dating for a few months and things have been progressing smoothly. I find a sunny one bedroom in-law apartment in a contemporary home close to work, which is perfect for me. My ex and I are on friendly terms. All is good. But I do think of him at times of what we had and what we lost.

I have nothing bad to say about him, he’s a great guy, I’m just not marriage material, I’m can’t be who he wants me to me-Donna Reed-the Good Wife, working 9-5 Monday through Friday, vacation twice a year, dinner on the table when he gets home, sex twice a week and to bed by nine. Even though I work for a design firm, I work nights and weekends, when the clients are available. I’m a night owl and rarely have time to make dinner let alone have it ready for when he gets home. I love my work and apparently I can’t have both with him. Why am I the one who had to change? Why couldn’t he?

I want to be with someone who loves me for who I am and what I do. I want to be loved unconditionally with all my faults and I want to love unconditionally. I want someone who loves wild and passionate sex, someone who makes me dinner, someone who wants to travel-see the world (not just when he retires), someone who carries a great conversation, someone who makes me feel alive. What is so hard about that? Does he exist?

My soon to be ex-husband and I are friends. I help him get on Match.com. I write up his profile, take pictures of him and put him in the game. He’s quite the catch-tall, dark and handsome with a great job, a home and money in the bank. He’s every woman’s Prince Charming. He’s a cross between Donny Osmond and Rob Lowe. He’s sure to find a woman who he’s compatible with.

Our divorce is going smoothly, instead of lawyers squabbling over his, mine and ours, we have a mediator. Since I walked away it’s only fair that he gets the house and the furnishings and Mindy, our beloved dog. The horses are mine but he’s letting them stay until the divorce is final. He refinances the house and I walk away with $27,000. After 15 years together, seven years dating, two years living together and six years married-it’s over. All and all it was a safe marriage. I loved him and I wanted a family, something society tells us to do-the fairytale we all grew up on. I desperately wanted a loving family home-one that I was deprived of growing up. My childhood mimicked the movie “The War Of The Roses” I wanted what I did not have or so I thought.

After 5 years or marriage, we were going to have a family. A few months of trying, I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. If it was a boy it would be Joshua Morgan Kennedy and if it was a girl it would be Julia Morgan Kennedy. At twelve weeks we went in for the Ultra-sound but there was no heartbeat. What was supposed to be the happiest day turned out to be the worst. I had a D&C and we never tried again. We found out it was a girl and my heart broke. We never talked about it. I guess that was the start of the unraveling of our marriage. I realized I wasn’t cut out to be a mom or the perfect wife. For years I blamed myself for the loss. I became distant and threw myself into my work. I realized we were not compatible and I needed to be free. I couldn’t live this lie anymore. A child does not fix a broken marriage.

A year later, I remember sitting at my desk at work and saying to myself I just want to find someone to design and build with. This time I wasn’t looking for the fairytale I wanted a partner who wanted the same things I did. A few weeks later I met Jonathan, and that’s when the waves came crashing down.

 

From Friends to Lovers: Dating or whatever we call it

Jonathan and I had a great time in San Diego. We enjoyed each other’s company and had a blast. It was good. We overcame the hurdle of miscommunication and mistrust. A few weeks after we got back, he calls me up on a Friday at 9 pm and asks if I want to come over. Hmm is this a booty call? I think so. What the hell, I tell him I’ll be over in a bit. He gives me his address and we say goodbye. It’s not too far which is good about 15 minutes. 

I jump out of bed, I know Friday night at 9 in bed? Yep, that’s boring old me. I throw some jeans on, a v-cut long sleeve sweater, not too revealing, and high heel boots. I put some makeup on, lipstick and eyeshadow, check myself in the mirror and head out. I don’t want to look to dressed up as though I’m hitting the town. I’m just going over a friend’s house to hang out. 

I arrive at his house around 10. He’s on the porch with a glass of wine in his hand as he walks out to the car to greet me. I get out and we hug. I can tell he’s had a few drinks, maybe that’s why he called me so late? Wine lowers inhibitions. We walk back to the house and sit on the porch. It’s cold but the stars are incredible against the black sky. He offers me a glass of wine and I accept. As I swoosh it around in the glass I look up and he’s watching me. I smile as I sip it. 

“How did you know that I would be available on a Friday night?” I ask coyly.

“I didn’t, but I impulsively called you.” He says smiling back.

“Aah, I’m glad you did” I say as I take another sip.

“We had a lot of fun in San Diego, Remember when we were walking on the beach and those nude guys walked by? He says laughing.

“That was hysterical. You should have seen your face! It was so funny! 

“I wasn’t expecting that at all” And remember when we were driving in La Jolla and we were at the stop light and a bird shit on the bald guy’s head in the convertible next to us?! 

“OMG I forgot! That poor guy! I felt so sorry for him. I wanted to give him a tissue but the light turned green and I couldn’t” I said laughing almost spilling my drink.

We can’t stop laughing. I have to put down my glass as I grip my stomach and wipe away the tears rolling down my face. Jonathan is bowled over as well. After a few minutes of non stop laughing, we shake our heads and laugh again. 

“I can’t take it anymore. My stomach is killing me I say as I get up from my chair. I’m going to pee my pants. I got to go to where is it? I ask.

“It’s down the hall, first door on the left, I’ll show you just in case you get lost I don’t want any accidents on my clean floor” he says as he escorts me through the door laughing. 

“You’re funny, haha”, I say,  As I enter the bathroom, “Thanks, you’ll make a great escort someday.”

“You’re a comedian aren’t you? He says as he laughs. 

“Good thing I wasn’t wearing eye make up I would have looked like Elaine from Seinfeld in the steam” I said as I walked towards him.

“That would’ve been funny, I haven’t laughed this much since San Diego. We have a lot of fun together don’t we? He says as he puts another log in the wood stove. 

“Yeah me too” I need a good laugh”. I say as I curl up on the couch.

“Do you want another glass of wine? He asks.

“Yes, please” as I hold out my glass. 

He pours the wine and then pours himself another as he sits down next to me. It’s quiet for a few minutes as we stare into the fire. It’s a bit awkward, now what? What seems like an eternity he turns to me and leans in for a kiss. I’m taken aback but I kiss him. It’s soft but nice. I open my eyes and I see him looking at me. 

“Hmmm…that was nice and unexpected.” I say as I pick up my glass and take a sip.

“Would you like to do it again?” He smiles as he leans in again for another kiss, this time it’s more than a kiss on the lips. He kisses my neck and nibbles my ear. I roll my head back, it tickles and I almost laugh but I hold it in. From friends to enemies back to friends to …?

He stops and gets up holding out his hand. I take it and he leads me to his bedroom and we make love for the first time. He’s gentle but strong and he knows how to pleasure. Afterwards, we fall asleep in each others arms. We can’t get enough and have sex all night into the early morning. As we lie in bed breathing heavy I say; 

“I think I must have had a dozen orgasms. Boy you’re good” I say as I roll over towards him.

“I try but it’s so easy with you.” He says hoarsely. 

“Hmmm I murmur, I love morning sex” as I kiss him.

He lets out a groan and says “You’re killing me I need some sleep.”

“Okay I’ll let you sleep. I have to get going anyway, It is a work day you know. We’ll have to do this again sometime soon” I say as I get out of bed. 

He mumbles “Yeah”.

I watch him sleep as I get dressed. He looks so peaceful. I would love to stay but I know I will have to leave eventually and this is the best time to leave. I bend over and give him a kiss. He grabs me and starts undressing me. 

“I thought you were exhausted?”

“I am but you can’t leave without morning sex” he says as he kisses me.

I’m putty in his hands, I let him devour me once again…

As I finally say goodbye and walk out the door, a big smile crosses my face. What a night, I say to myself, what a night!

A Do Over: Dating or Whatever We Call It

relationships breakup back together
Any regrets?

As I’m driving back to the hotel, The Dana on Mission Bay, I smile to myself. The last couple of weeks have been torture avoiding Jonathan at work and getting my life together after leaving my husband. All that anger and hurt has dissipated. I’m quick-tempered one of my many faults. Yes, I’m human, but the art of forgiving feels so good. Maybe it’s sunny California, how can I be mad in such a beautiful place? Could this be A Do Over?

After getting back to the hotel room I take a long hot shower, rinsing the salt and sand off my body. I feel refreshed. I pick up my cell and debate whether to call Jon. What the heck. I hit send and it’s ringing, one ring, two rings, three rings, four rings, I’m about to end the call when I hear a breathless voice on the other end.

“Did I get you at a bad time?” I ask.

“No we just got in” He quietly says.

“I was wondering if we could meet and talk?”

“Are you going to throw another drink in my face?” He coolly asks.

“No I promise not to. No drinks. I thought we could take a walk. I found this great hiking trail at  Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve in La Jolla and I think you’ll love it. It’s overlooking the ocean and we can walk down to the beach. How does that sound?”

I hold my breath as there is silence. “Okay” he says “I have to grout my sisters tile bathroom, so how about tomorrow morning about 10?”

“Great! I can pick you up and we can go from there. What’s the address?”

He rattles it off and I quickly jot it down on a piece of paper.

“Okay got it. I’ll see you tomorrow at 10. Thanks. Have fun grouting. Bye.”

As I get ready for dinner. I think about what I’m going to say and I speak into my voice recorder on my phone. I feel as though I’m an actor rehearsing my lines for opening night. This is my final chance to explain and say I’m sorry. The question is will he forgive?

I have dinner at the Firefly out on the patio overlooking the lighted pool. The Short Ribs melt in my mouth-delicious. The Riesling is light, yet sweet, just the way I like it and the  service is impeccable.  I’ll have to Yelp about it and give it rave reviews.  After dinner I walk around the Marina thinking about tomorrow. I’m nervous. I have to get this right. No losing my cool. Hopefully we can just start again.

I wake to the sound of waves on my alarm. It’s 7 am. I stretch and get out of bed. It’s a beautiful sunny day. I decide to take a swim and do some laps to shake the nervousness away. I have it all to myself, aah-heaven.

After a quick breakfast at the Pearl I get ready. I check myself in the mirror one last time before heading out. I find the apartment complex and see Jonathan sitting on a bench. I wave and he walks over.

“Nice wheels” he comments as he gets in. He’s wearing jeans, a T-shirt, a light blue wind-breaker and boat shoes. He looks like he’s going sailing rather than hiking. I bite my lip and say “Looking good kid”.

As we drive we talk about everything except about us. I pay the admission fee at the entrance of the reserve and we drive up to the top of the hill and park.

“Isn’t this beautiful?” I ask as we walk towards the trail.

“Yeah it is” he says as he looks around.

I can’t help it as I say jokingly “Are you going to be okay in those shoes? There’s a lot of slippery spots”. I don’t want you to tumble off the cliff.”

He looks down at his shoes and says with a dig “Yeah just as long as you don’t push me off the cliff I’ll be fine.”

I laugh. “Promise Cross my heart. Scouts honor.”

IMG_1284
Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve

We look at the trail map and decide on taking the Razor Point Trail to the Beach trail and then walk on the secluded Black’s Beach. It’s a beautiful hike through the colorful jagged and worn sandstone cliffs.  Vibrant colors of golds, reds, pinks and cream sandstone create a desert oasis against the back drop of the Pacific Ocean with the rare Torrey Pines dotting the landscape.

All my anxiety is gone. The views are our conversation. It’s nice just to be with him enjoying nature’s paradise. As we near the beach the path becomes narrower as we make our way slowly around the cliff. Jonathan reaches for my hand as we make the final decent to the beach. His hand feels nice in mine.

We take off our shoes and walk barefoot along the water in silence.  Finally I blurt out: “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier that I was married. I guess I wasn’t expecting to have feelings for you. And when I realized that I did I was scared to tell you. And when I did tell you that night you said you couldn’t date someone who was married. Then the next day when I told you I was getting a divorce and you didn’t remember I was in shock. I guess I thought everything would be okay. Jonathan you’re not the reason I left my husband, I needed to be free. It was over before you came into my life. Please understand that.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. I looked at him pleading.

He stops and looks at the waves before looking at me. “I’m sorry too.” I like you but I just got out of a serious relationship and I don’t want to be dragged into someone else’s drama. I have enough of my own. And when you threw that drink in my face I was done.”

“I know.” I say quietly. “Throwing a drink in your face was childish. I was so hurt from your reaction and not able to get through to you. But that is no excuse. After a while I put myself into your shoes and thought about it and I realized I went about it the wrong way.  I can’t do anything about it, but I just wanted you to know. I’m hoping we can be friends and maybe someday more?”

“Friends? Yeah we can be friends. We’ll see how it goes. I can’t make any promises, but” his voice trails off as a naked guy saunters past. “What the…” he says in astonishment.

I laugh as I say “Oh its California you know the land of the free!”

We both break out in laughter. Life is good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should of would of could of: Dating or whatever we call it

IMG_6879I know throwing a drink in someone’s face is not cool, but damn did it feel good, well at least for that second. Reality check, we work together. Even though the design build company is small I avoid Jonathan like the plague. I’m still hurt by his words and lack of remembrance of telling him that I was married. But as the weeks go by I realize that I was wrong in not telling him earlier.

A feeling of remorse takes over as the hurt of rejection subsides. I’m feeling guilty about my actions.  I want to reach out to him but I hold back. Maybe it’s best not to try to start something that never began. Ugh! I realize that we are going to San Diego the same week in December. He’s flying out on Saturday to see his sister and I’m flying out on Tuesday to visit my Aunt & Uncle in Oceanside which is north of San Diego. I booked a couple of days at the Dana on the Mission to relax before I see them. How am I going to enjoy my vacation knowing that Jonathan is in the same vicinity as I am? If I see him should I say hello or ignore him? Am I being over dramatic? I feel a panic attack coming on. Breathe! I tell myself.  I need to stop obsessing and just let it go.

Tuesday: I fly to San Diego via Southwest airlines. Smooth sailing. I have the row all to myself and the window seat. My luck is turning. At the airport I rent a burgundy color Mustang convertible and immediately put down the top. Convertibles are the only way to travel in sunny Cal. After a few wrong turns I finally make it to the Hotel. My room is on the second floor which is the top floor. I quickly change into my bathing suit and head for the hot tub and pool overlooking the marina. Aah this is nice, I say to myself as the jets pulsate my body.  I start to relax and enjoy my freedom. IMG_1170

I stay at the hotel the whole day pampering my body and mind. Just what the doctor ordered: heaven. The following day I drive to Torrey Pines State Reserve to hike and enjoy the beach. It’s gorgeous: Bryce Canyon meets the Pacific Ocean is what comes to mind. I stay the whole day enjoying nature’s paradise, frolicking in the waves, walking on the beach, looking at the hot surfing dudes. Life is good. JUNE TORREY PINES NATURAL RESERVE

It’s getting late and I’m famished so I pack up and head back to the hotel. As I’m driving through La Jolla I see a guy who resembles Jonathan. He’s walking a dog with a blond woman beside him. I’m at a red light and I impulsively yell his name. He looks around, I yell it again. Finally he sees me. I hold my breath. Is he going to ignore me? Tell me to fuck off? Not sure, but he acknowledges me with a wave. I smile and nod as the light turns green.

 

 

 

The Day After: Dating or Whatever We Call It!

Teetering on the edge: Relationships
Teetering on the edge

I remember the day that changed my life forever. I was in the kitchen with my husband. He was standing against the stove when I broke the news to him of my feelings for another man. I asked for a divorce. He just looked at me, as tears welled up in his eyes and shook his head. As he walked away he said “Okay, you win. I’m not going to fight you” I stood there watching him walk out the door. Finally, I was free.

I wasn’t thinking about how I hurt him or my immediate plans or my horses or my dog, or my living arrangements, or my life. I didn’t plan, I just mechanically went through the motions of numbness. I called my friend and told her what happened. She offered a place for me to stay while I sort things out.  I packed a bag and left.

I was looking forward to a new chapter in my life with Jonathan. My dream of designing and building with a man who would be my business and intimate partner was what I wanted, or so I thought. I was banking on a fantasy. As children, we are led to believe that our Prince or Knight in shining armor will whisk us away and make everything all right. I was wrapped up in the fantasy.

Jonathan and I had plans to drive up the coast for the weekend. I called him and excitedly told him the news of my divorce. Silence on the other end. I thought I had a dropped call. The Verizon commercial “Can you hear me now?” resonated in my head. “Are you there?” I asked. Finally, the silence was broken.

“You’re married?” he asked.

I was dumbfounded. “I told you at dinner last night that I was and you said you couldn’t date someone who was married. Don’t you remember that?”

“No”

“What do you mean NO? I countered.

“We talked for hours and you never told me you were married”! he yelled.

I pulled the phone away from my ear as I looked at it in disbelief. WTF! “Yes, I did at the end of the night. We made plans for our future. We talked about designing and building together. We made arrangements to go away together. What is wrong with you? Do you have amnesia?  I asked my husband for a divorce because I don’t believe in cheating and that’s all you can say to me? Are you serious?”

Again silence. “Hello”! I scream! No answer. I look at the phone and it says call failed. I’m beyond bullshit. I just threw my marriage away over a guy who has amnesia. What was I thinking?

He texts me a few minutes later telling me he’ll pick me up at 8 and we’ll talk. I reply, Okay and text the address. Thoughts are whirling around in my head. How could I be so naive? What foolish notions did I conjure up? Is he for real?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kiss: Dating or Whatever We call it

HotChild2012“The Kiss”

I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor

wrapping my arms around you as you pull me close

“I want to kiss you all over” by Exile is playing in the background.

I brush my lips against your cheek and suckle your earlobe.

You let out a low groan.

I can feel your penis harden as you pull me closer to you.

With eyes closed, I slowly make my way to your neck,

Kissing you ever so softly.

Feeling my way to your lips.

My mouth touches yours.

We kiss, my tongue cautiously enters.

Prodding, feeling my way into the darkness.

Our tongues meet and become as one

dancing, caressing.

Wanting more, our souls yearn to love again…

To My Passionate One,

Love,

Me

 

 

Online Dating: The Like Factor: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Now that Trevor is gone I decide to move my zip code to LA to check out the online dating scene there. That’s where the beautiful, talented people are and I want to be part of it. Granted, I’m not physically in the town of cellulite heroes but emotionally, I am. IMG_4258

All of a sudden in less than 24 hours I get 100 likes. Over 900 likes in less than one month. Wow, that’s a record for me! The euphoria sets in which takes my mind away from him. Hey we all like to be popular, even though many of us deny it, we like the attention that is bestowed on us.

I equate it to TV show ratings. The more likes a show receives the longer it stays on the air. We are a society of wannabe popular folks. Look what happens when people like our FaceBook and other social media posts. From an early age we have birthday parties, Prom King and Queens, Homecoming Queens to Most Popular in our Yearbooks. Those who are popular get picked for everything, remember gym class? Pick me pick me. None of us wanted to be the last person standing in line. People flock to those who are well liked. It’s a pecking order.

As a child I was extremely shy and was not part of the elitist group of popular kids. At 5’8″ tall I was a scraggly 108 pounds. I felt like the ugly duckling, very unsure of myself and my looks. I never wore dresses because I was so skinny. I remember playing softball and this bully named Kim yelled “Hey Ostrich Legs” to me while I was batting. I still remember the sting of her words.

I was not asked to the prom nor did I have a boy friend in high school. I was an introvert with a small group of close knit friends. Even though I lost my virginity at the age of 17 to a lobster boy on an island in Maine I was not a popular kid in my hometown.

In September of 1984 after graduating from high school I moved to Fort Lauderdale and worked as a manager for my sisters friend. This is where I became a Wild Child. No one knew me and I was able to reinvent myself. The ugly duckling turned into a swan. I had a new persona and confidence in myself. Men wanted me and I wanted them. I couldn’t get enough. I guess I was making up for lost time.

Ugly Duckling turns into a Swan who has many suitors.
The Ugly Duckling has turned into a Swan

Maybe that’s why I choose online dating as a platform for conversing with men. As I lick my wounds, and say the word NEXT! I’ll show the world I’m liked. My pride and ego are at stake and being liked by strangers heightens my confidence on the dating circuit. After a few days of being bombarded by men, however, I’m becoming bored of the city of beautiful people and its time to move on to new cities and adventures.

 

 

Players: Dating or whatever we call it.

Source: Players: Dating or whatever we call it.

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