I see Big M in Montana, one last time hoping he’s made an improvement to his life. Once a well known stuntman who has fallen on hard times-does he have the will power to make a comeback?
It’s been a month since I left Big M in LA. Since then I’ve traveled around Oregon and Kauai. Now I’m heading back to New England for the Summer via Montana to see Big M. We’ve spoken almost daily. He drove his broken down van from LA to Whitefish, Montana. I can’t believe it didn’t break down going through those mountain passes. He made it safe and sound, however. I’m looking forward to seeing him again.
It’s close to midnight when I spot a Best Western in Kalispell, MT. I’m exhausted and in need of a good night sleep. Next day I’m seeing him. I awake to mooing and look out my window. You know when you are in Montana when your neighbors are cattle. I sext him:
Me: Morning Babe. I’m very wet, cum and fuck me.
Big M: Where’s my juicebox?
Me: I’m right next to you. I’m very horny. It’s been a while.
Big M: mmm..My cock is getting fuckin’ hard
Me: Cum to me and slide your big cock in…
Big M: I’m cummin’…
I head to the ranch where I will be staying for a week. I’m in awe over the beauty of the Rockies. Wow. I almost drive off the road looking at the snowcap mountains before me. I arrive and check in. I hear a familiar voice behind me and turn, its Mark. I smile and say:
He smiles and gives me a hug. He feels nice in my arms. I just want to fuck him.
They show me the ranch and then my quarters; The Appaloosa room is in the lower level of the main house is a small windowless room but it’s the cheapest. Anyways I’m only going using it for sleeping and fucking…purrfect..
Even though there are no guests staying at the ranch, No sleep overs-ranch rules, but they didn’t say he couldn’t fuck me and stay with me until 3am?
For the next week, we have fun. We hike in Glacier National Park, the natural scenery is amazing and ride horses to Canada. The mountain lakes are a beautiful turquoise blue. We play frisbee, eat at some wonderful restaurants and have great sex. Finally he’s doesn’t have pain in his neck, something is going right.
But there are moments where the dark clouds of foreboding play with Mark. He’s angry with his sisters because they don’t want us staying with them. I tell him I understand she doesn’t know me. He goes into a rage and starts punching his head. He’s so angry with her. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He scares me. He’s a raging lunatic. I try to calm him down but he continues. His face is beet red and his eyes are bulging. His face is distorted from his rage.
“Mark it’s okay. It’s not a big deal. We can stay at a hotel.” I say in a calming voice.
“No it’s not okay. You were the only one who was there for me in my darkest moment and you helped me. If her friend needed a place to stay and helped her out of a jam, I would let him stay with me!” He yells.
After a few minutes he turns into a little boy and starts sobbing and I hold him and rock him and tell him everything all will be okay.
He’s under a lot of stress due to his bills piling up. He doesn’t hold a gun to my head but his constant talking about his financial situation and the pleading in his eyes leads me to pay his bills. I have money from an inheritance and he is in need of financial stability so I pay the most pressing ones:
$750 to SAG for his membership good through November. If this doesn’t get paid now he will lose everything and reinstatement would be $3000. SAG card is vital to Actors/stuntman and those who work in the entertainment industry.
$285 to LA Superior Court. His speeding ticket he got when he was leaving me in Torrance CA.
$90 to the EDD Employment Development Department. They paid him too much and want their money back.
$217.93 to the ACSC taxes owed
$275 to the Unites States Treasury for back income taxes owed.
$650 I paid for his storage unit for 6 months in San Clemente, CA.
$100 I had to put in his BOA account because he was overdrawn (had to do that when I was on the road in Oregon)
$250 in cash back in Torrance CA to keep him safe for a few days.
Total: $2617.93 in real money not including food or lodging which came to another couple of grand. But I was trying to help him since he was my confidante, lover and friend.
I paid for all his meals and lodging. Of course he enjoyed my company he was living scott free.
His sister calls back and tries to let make him understand that she’s concerned about the dog who attacks Mark. He tells her that he will be careful and she finally gives in and let’s us stay for the weekend. We leave the ranch on Friday and head to his sisters for Mother’s Day weekend in Missoula. He drives the van and I drive my car since I’m heading back home.
His sisters live together and they are really sweet but they are at the end of their rope with him. They give me his history and it’s not pretty. He has always been this way. It’s not an occasional dark period it’s been a constant up and down struggle for him all his life. Now that he’s going to be 57 in the Spring, he has nothing to show for all his glory. It’s so depressing.
For a fleeting moment his troubles are gone and we hike the Big M. He’s so proud of the
college that his father went too. He shows me around. He’s like a school boy full of pride. I tell Mark that I would rather stay at a hotel for the night and not his sisters due to the dog and lack of privacy. We stay at the Holiday Inn Express in downtown for our last night together.
Best laid plans don’t always work out. Instead of having a great night we fight. He’s getting on my nerves with his buying habits. I feel resentment to dishing out the money trying to help him get back on his feet while he spends his own money on frivolous things. His whole lifestyle irritates me. We go to bed mad and wake up mad. It’s sad.
The next day is Mother’s Day and I’m leaving. I drop him off and say Goodbye to his sisters. I am feeling guilty for yelling at Mark and I apologize. We hug and kiss. He says he’s sorry for being such a loser. This makes me feel even more guilty.
“You’re not a loser. You’re just messed up.” I smile as I get into the car.
“I love you.” He says as he bends down and kisses me.
“Love you too. Take care of yourself. Okay?” I say as I look into his sad eyes.
“I will.” He smiles back at me.
I drive off with a heaviness in my heart.
Big M and I are in bed after making love, I look at the clock and it’s 10:15am, check out is 11am. We kiss and get out of bed and head for the shower. Our first and our last shower together for a long time. He lathers me up and washes me carefully and I do the same for him. We fuck one last time with the water pouring over us, so hot and erotic.
We jump out of the shower, and get ready. Looking around making sure we didn’t leave anything and we walk hand in hand out the door. There is a line at check out and I can see that he’s edgy. He says he has to meet his friend at the unemployment office at 11:30. I tell him to go. He pulls me close and passionately kisses me and walks away. I watch him disappear.
I check out and head for the car. As I’m about to leave, I see that he is calling my cell. I pick up and he’s frantic. Apparently he just got stopped for driving 76 mph in a 35 mph speed limit zone, which is serious business. WTF is wrong with this dude? Does he just like to piss away money he doesn’t have? I tell him to calm down and don’t argue with the cop. He says he’s got to go because the cop is coming back.
The queasy feeling is back in my stomach. This dude is on a self-destructive road and it breaks my heart. I wait in the garage as the minutes tick by. Finally he calls back and tells me the cop was nice enough not to impound his motorcycle or arrest him. He did receive a $275 speeding ticket. I tell him that I put $250 American Express Traveler Cheques in his motorcycle bag yesterday, so that should help him. He thanks me for putting up with him and being with him through this horrible time in his life. He is so upset and I just listen. He has a good heart but he’s a mess. He tells me he loves me and I tell him I love him too. The last words to me are: I will see you in Montana. I laugh and say goodbye.
I’m torn. I know I can’t stay but I’m worried about him. I wish I could help him but he has to do this on his own-get himself out of this financial mess. If I stayed I would be giving up my dream of traveling and finishing my 6 month solo road trip. Meeting Mark was an interesting experience. I had the time and the money, so what the hell. He is part of my life now and I will always remember him as the man who lives in the van.
For the next two weeks I try to help Big M get his life in order, before I have to go back to Oregon. The Man who lives in a Van apparently has no Plan. I pay to get his van fixed so it’s road worthy, no more black smoke coming out of the exhaust. I make sure he has shelter and food. He stays with me in hotels and various lodgings. I take him out to eat, so he doesn’t starve. We do fun things together, which I pay for: horseback riding in Rolling Hills, Paddle Boarding in Carlsbad, hiking in Palos Verdes and Torrey Pines.
I am his Sugar Mommy. Once in a while he buys me an ice-cream. How nice of him. Tears roll down his face, as he tells me how thankful he is that I came into his life. I think they are real, he is an Actor so he could be faking it.
He is essentially a child in a mans body. He tells me he’s going food shopping and asks me to take him to Whole Foods. I wait in the car as he goes in. Twenty minutes later he comes out with four bags. I’m thinking at least he got some good food for breakfast and lunch. He gets into the car and shows me what he got. $75 worth of junk food! I look at him in disgust. He’s very happy about his ginger snaps and starts munching on them. He says it’s organic. So what! It’s still junk food with no nutritional value that he’s spending his money on! This irks me too no end. Here he is complaining that he has no money and look at what he’s doing with it? Serenity NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever since he won the award 6 years ago for Stuntman of the year his life has been in shambles. He told me a few years ago when he was in between apartments and gigs (homeless), he lived in a friends back yard in a homemade tarp tent for 6 months. He couldn’t even buy a real tent? He was the talk of the town well at least in that neighborhood. OMG! WTF is wrong with this dude?
Couldn’t he get a job flipping burgers? Oh wait his ego would be at stake. That’s below him. He tells me he was on medication for his bipolar and depression but had to stop taking it when his health insurance ran out. Is there anything else that he hasn’t shared with me? Oh wait there is more.
We are getting hot and heavy and then he drops a bombshell on me. Apparently a few years back when he was doing a commercial, they hoisted him too high. When they let him go, his penis slammed into the steel railing. He was able to finish the commercial but was in severe pain. A few days later he had surgery which chopped of 1.5″ of his penis. He now has a hard time (no pun intended) performing in the bedroom.
Am I in a B movie? Or is this Candid Camera? Is Allan Funt going to come out and make fun of me and say Smile You’re on Candid Camera!? No one will believe me when I tell them this tale. My God being with this dude is like being trapped in quick sand. There is no place to hide. He is starting to annoy me. I will say it again Serenity NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!