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HotChild2012 – Dating or Whatever We Call It

Dating experiences with an edgy twist

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His Ex: Dating or Whatever We Call It

I’m working on a kitchen remodel when I get a text from Jonathan asking if I would like to come over for dinner and then some…tonight at 7.

I reply “yes. See you at 7. Should I bring anything?”

“Just you and dress warm” he replies.

I smile and text back “Okay just me”.

It’s been a busy day meeting with clients and working on revisions but I manage to leave the office by 5:30. It’s a Friday evening and traffic is crawling so I jump off the highway and take the scenic backroads home. I get home a little after 6 but I manage to shower and get ready in less than 30 minutes. I’m wearing jeans, my black high heel boots and a sweater. I throw on my winter coat, hat and gloves and check myself in the mirror one last time before heading out into the chilly night air.

It’s nippy out in the high 30’s, but it’s a clear night with a full moon casting its light across the dark landscape. I arrive at his house a few minutes after 7. The smell of a charcoal fire is in the air. It smells good. I ring the door bell and he hollers to come in. He’s in the kitchen cooking, cutting up vegetables. U2 is playing in the background on the stereo.

“Wow. A man after my own heart.” I say as I walk over and give him a kiss as I take off my jacket.

He smiles and says “There’s a glass of Merlot for you on the counter. I would get it for you but as you see I’m a bit tied up.”

No worries. I can get it. Hmmm. It looks good-what’s on the menu?” I ask as I walk over to pick up the glass of wine.

“Ribeyes, potato medley and asparagus. I thought we’d grill since it’s a perfect night to watch the stars.

“Oh that’s why you told me to wear warm clothing. Aah. I gotcha. It’s beautiful with the full moon. Can I help? I ask.

“Sure. If you can cut up the onions and peppers? That would be great. Thank you, hun”

My ex and I never cooked together, this is nice. Jonathan is a pro in the kitchen. He gives me a knife and a cutting board. I grab the onions and start peeling them. Right away my eyes start watering.

“I should have worn waterproof eye makeup” I say as tears roll down my face.

“Would you like some goggles?” he asks as he laughs.

“Oh you think it’s funny? I say with a pout. “Yes, please.”

“Do you want me to cut up the onions?

“No I will, I can do this” I say with a smirk.

“I’ll turn on the vent for you”

“Thank you. You’re so kind thinking of me” I say sarcastically.

“You know I always think of you” He says as he helps me put his work goggles on.

“Aah you’re so sweet! What size chunks do you want?”

“Cut the onions and peppers in quarters. and then put them in the tin foil with the potatoes”.

“Okay I can do that” I say as I take a sip of wine before continuing cutting up the vegetables.

Once the vegetables except for the asparagus are in the tinfoil Jonathan drizzles olive oil, and adds salt, pepper, paprika and fresh parsley before wrapping it up tightly.

“I checked the grill and it’s ready to go. We’ll put the potato medley on first since it will take the longest, followed by the steak and finally the asparagus. How do you like your steak?”

“I don’t want it walking nor do I want a hockey puck” I say laughing-“Medium-well please”

He looks at me with disdain. “You know you’re ruining a perfectly good steak?”

“But it’s the way I like it. I used to like it well done so I have improved.”

“Hmmm I’ll try my best to cook it to your liking even though it’s killing me to do so.”

“Thank you” I say as I give him a kiss on the lips. He tastes good. His mouth is warm from the wine.

I help him carry out the food to the back patio where the charcoal grill is. The song Bad by U2 is playing.

“Oh I love this song it’s perfect for tonight with the moon and stars and grilling with you. I love being with you.” I say as I dance to the music.

“It’s a great song” he says as he puts the food on the grill. “And I enjoy being with you too.” He says as we look up at the star lit sky.

A shooting star zips by. “Did you see it?”

“Yea that was cool” He says as he puts his arms around me. He feels good holding me so close as we sway to the music.

We hang out by the fire watching the stars and talking. I never met anyone that could carry a conversation for so long. He has had an interesting life and I love listening to his voice. I could listen to it forever.

Even though it’s cold out we have dinner by candlelight next to the fire.

“You’re an amazing cook. Hats off to the chef.” I say as I toast him.

“Thank you. Is the steak to your liking?” He asks.

“It was cooked perfectly and I must say it’s the best meal I’ve had in a very long time.”

“Good I’m glad you like it”. He says as he gets up to clear the plates.

“Let me help you.” I say as I pick up the dishes and put them on the tray to bring into the kitchen.

As I’m walking into the house, the phone rings.

“I’ll let the answering machine get it” I don’t want to talk to anyone but you right now. He says as he goes to put out the fire..

I smile at him as I walk into the kitchen to put the plates into the dishwasher and clean up.

I hear a woman’s voice speaking. “Hello Jonathan it’s me, Julie. It’s been a while and I miss you. I miss your voice, I miss your touch. Call me, you know my number. Bye, babe” The way she’s talking sounds more like she’s purring. Her words jar me. So this is the famous girlfriend who broke his heart. Hmmm…

A tinge of jealousy comes over me. It sounds as though she wants him back. I finish putting the dishes away and walk out to the patio.

“Um your Ex left you a message. She misses you…”

He looks up at me and see’s the concern in my face. “Don’t read too much into it, she’s probably drunk. You have nothing to worry about.”

He reassures me but hearing her voice on his answering machine resonates in my head like a broken record, playing over and over again.

“Okay” is all I can say as I walk back into the house.

I know he had a bad break up, she cheated on him and broke his heart but that was a story, but now she’s real and she’s on his voice mail.

What was a wonderful evening has turned into a night of uncertainty. I know he’s says I have nothing to worry about but this nagging in my gut tells me otherwise…

IMG_E6146

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Day After: Dating or Whatever We Call It!

Teetering on the edge: Relationships
Teetering on the edge

I remember the day that changed my life forever. I was in the kitchen with my husband. He was standing against the stove when I broke the news to him of my feelings for another man. I asked for a divorce. He just looked at me, as tears welled up in his eyes and shook his head. As he walked away he said “Okay, you win. I’m not going to fight you” I stood there watching him walk out the door. Finally, I was free.

I wasn’t thinking about how I hurt him or my immediate plans or my horses or my dog, or my living arrangements, or my life. I didn’t plan, I just mechanically went through the motions of numbness. I called my friend and told her what happened. She offered a place for me to stay while I sort things out.  I packed a bag and left.

I was looking forward to a new chapter in my life with Jonathan. My dream of designing and building with a man who would be my business and intimate partner was what I wanted, or so I thought. I was banking on a fantasy. As children, we are led to believe that our Prince or Knight in shining armor will whisk us away and make everything all right. I was wrapped up in the fantasy.

Jonathan and I had plans to drive up the coast for the weekend. I called him and excitedly told him the news of my divorce. Silence on the other end. I thought I had a dropped call. The Verizon commercial “Can you hear me now?” resonated in my head. “Are you there?” I asked. Finally, the silence was broken.

“You’re married?” he asked.

I was dumbfounded. “I told you at dinner last night that I was and you said you couldn’t date someone who was married. Don’t you remember that?”

“No”

“What do you mean NO? I countered.

“We talked for hours and you never told me you were married”! he yelled.

I pulled the phone away from my ear as I looked at it in disbelief. WTF! “Yes, I did at the end of the night. We made plans for our future. We talked about designing and building together. We made arrangements to go away together. What is wrong with you? Do you have amnesia?  I asked my husband for a divorce because I don’t believe in cheating and that’s all you can say to me? Are you serious?”

Again silence. “Hello”! I scream! No answer. I look at the phone and it says call failed. I’m beyond bullshit. I just threw my marriage away over a guy who has amnesia. What was I thinking?

He texts me a few minutes later telling me he’ll pick me up at 8 and we’ll talk. I reply, Okay and text the address. Thoughts are whirling around in my head. How could I be so naive? What foolish notions did I conjure up? Is he for real?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kiss: Dating or Whatever We call it

HotChild2012“The Kiss”

I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor

wrapping my arms around you as you pull me close

“I want to kiss you all over” by Exile is playing in the background.

I brush my lips against your cheek and suckle your earlobe.

You let out a low groan.

I can feel your penis harden as you pull me closer to you.

With eyes closed, I slowly make my way to your neck,

Kissing you ever so softly.

Feeling my way to your lips.

My mouth touches yours.

We kiss, my tongue cautiously enters.

Prodding, feeling my way into the darkness.

Our tongues meet and become as one

dancing, caressing.

Wanting more, our souls yearn to love again…

To My Passionate One,

Love,

Me

 

 

Crossing The Line: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Cheating and the rocky road
The Perfect Storm: Cheating and the rocky road

I remember sitting in my office designing a kitchen when I said to myself, “I want to be with someone who shares my passion for design and build.” Within two weeks I met Jonathan and my life changed forever. I should have remembered the old adage: Watch what you wish for it might just come true.

I was married at the time to a wonderfully sweet but dull man. We were together for 15 years. The fire had died, and the last remaining embers turned to ash. I loved him but I wanted what he would not give me. But that is a whole other story which I will share with you at another time.

I remember the first time I saw Jonathan as I was walking to my car. He was talking to another cabinet installer. He was so cute. I could have run up and squeezed him. As he smiled his hazel eyes twinkled.  Something about him made my heart race. I was drawn to him, no pun intended. I had a crush.

I know it was wrong but for years I wanted a divorce. I wanted to be free, but I could never leave for the sake of leaving. Enter, another man. I’ve never cheated and I don’t believe in it, but having feelings for someone other than my husband to some could be considered cheating. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences, the fallout, I was just doing.

For the next few months, Jon and I speak professionally.  It’s my job as a designer to discuss the design with the cabinet installer. What’s the harm in that? I can’t get him out of my head. Our conversations are lengthy, he’s a talker. My husband, on the other hand, is a man of few words, the strong silent type.

I remember having Thanksgiving with my husband’s family and realizing that this was going to be the last time we would be together. It was melancholy.  I said farewell to those I cared for.

The following day the storm blew in.  I had to meet Jon at a building site. We ended up talking for 6 hours, this time our conversation took a more personal tone. We talked about everything except who we were involved with. It turns out our backgrounds are similar, products of divorce. He shares the same birthday as my dad. Both are Leo’s, that should have been a red flag, but I was too caught up in the fantasy. Through the conversation, I found out that we were both heading to San Diego in the same week in December. I thought that was fate. How ironic? We laughed.

As I was heading to Chicago Uno’s I called my husband to let him know I was meeting a friend for dinner and I would be late. I told him not to wait up for me. As I hung up a tinge of guilt came over me but I shrugged it off, my marriage was over.

As the night progressed and the drinks flowed, I said in passing that I was married. He said he couldn’t date someone who was married. I wanted him, but I could not carry on an affair. I was crossing into cheatingville.

As we walked to my car, we hugged and kissed.  I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. My husband never kissed me and I longed for the affectionate passionate kiss. It was nice.

The next day I confessed to my husband and I asked for a divorce…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OkCupid Revisited​: Dating or Whatever We Call It

 

IMG_5472After a break from online dating, I’ve gone back to it. Call me a sucker, I know. I guess I like the attention from the opposite sex. I wrote a new profile which I update from time to time. Apparently, it works, since I’m up to 3323 likes and counting.

For shits and giggles this is it:

Is it me or is it Memorex but that confounded Discover pop up Ad drives me crazy forcing me to wait 5 seconds before I can click Skip! Can you relate? And this new platform is ridiculous! What is OkCupid thinking? I think they should have had a V8!

This free spirit is On The Road Again but not with Willie. Writing about her adventures on the road less traveled In The Company of None. If you see that I change cities it’s because I’m checking out the scene.

I’m not sure who wrote this but I think it’s hysterical. “Marriage is a 3 ring circus. First comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, then comes the suffering.” Can you relate? Been there done that. So I can commit to a mental institution aka marriage. JK.

Does anyone remember laughter? Where’s that confounded bridge? Who’s rolling today Jimmy? Who said that? From what songs? And what albums? You’ll earn gold stars for all the correct answers.

As Mr. Big says to Carrie: “Sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. I’m everything and nothing all at once. Can you handle me? I’ve been called a Free Spirit, Wild Child, Bohemian, Enigma, just don’t call me Donna Reed or Ma’am or label me, I’m not a can of soup.

I’m looking for an activity partner or lover (who will drive me crazy) to hike, kayak, explore, dance the night away, converse, laugh with that Abbi Normal kind of way. I gravitate towards the creative, artistic and passionate souls.

As Bob Seger sings: “I can’t promise you tomorrow, no one has the right to lie” From the song Tomorrow”. Run wild by my side but don’t try to tame me and I might stick around. I love my freedom but I also love intimacy with the one I care about. I guess that’s a double edge sword.

We all look great on paper (well most of us except for the faceless creatures but finding the one we want to know and enjoy being with is quite another experience. Even though we lead busy lives I want someone who wants to make time for me and I will do the same for you. I want to be the great book you can’t put down and you are in full anticipation to see where the story leads. Every bend, every curve you want to explore the journey with me.

On that note:

I’m of Transylvanian descent and a true Scorpio; that sums me up perfectly. Ha! I am a proud carrying Snowflake. If you are a Trump supporter, Do Not Say Hello. Do Not Pass Go. Go directly to jail or go to Russia With Love.

I love my 420. When I first saw it, I wondered what area code that was, but now I know! I will always answer it.

Why? It’s all in a name: I don’t like to wear name tags and I don’t broadcast my name to strangers. If we are having a conversation I will introduce myself. The letters JK are my middle initials and I’m NOT Just Kidding.

I’m worth the journey. Are you?

Edit your response

 

The Online Dating Profile Revisited: Dating or Whatever We Call It.

When it comes to online dating you must ask yourself what do you want and who do you want from the experience. If you want to be successful with online dating you have to shake things up, starting with a great User Name and headline. I made up the name HotChild2012 from the song Hot Child in The City which many people remember and it was the year I started this dating blog.

A catchy username/headline is the same as going to the library, or renting a movie, and going through hundreds of titles until one piques your interest. You stop and look at the picture(s) on the front and back cover, then you read the summary or the first page. If all three interest you, you read it and or watch it.

Pictures tell a 1000 words but words help create the fantasies. Pictures and words together are like the pop up books we had as kids. As you turn the page the picture pops up creating a 3D effect and an unexpected wow factor which keeps us wanting more.

Creating the perfect written profile takes imagination. It should show who you are in a playful manner. Write from your heart, but don’t write a tear jerker. No one wants to hear about your troubles and your woes. Everything can have a positive spin. Humor is life’s antidote. Watch the comedians George Carlin, Robin Williams, Steven Wright, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and look how they take something serious and poke fun at it. It can be down right funny. We need humor in this day and age of the orange top dictator on the reality show: Who’s Coming to Dinner at the White House?

Bahamas riding
Love riding horses on a tropical beach

 

Pictures: Should be clear not blurry preferably not with other people. This confuses us; is that your wife, husband, lover? Crop them out. Also put recent pictures up, showing what you look like now, not from 20 years ago. There should be a few close ups showing your smile and your eyes, for those are the windows to your soul. There should also be pictures of your full body not pornographic but tasteful and fun. If you are a hiker post a picture of you hiking, if you sail show a picture of you on a sailboat and so on. Show them who you are and what you like to do.

Change the order of your pictures and add or delete them. Each time you change something in your profile it refreshes it and more people look at it. Always show your best picture first this is what draws them in, followed by the 2nd and 3rd best since everyone clicks on the pictures first.

The following is my written profile: I tell them who I am with humor. There are some serious undertones but the humor masks it and makes them laugh and they message me.

My self-summary

Heading to check out the coast of Washington. This free spirit is On The Road Again but not with Willie. Writing about her adventures on the road less traveled.

Does anyone remember laughter?
Where’s that confounded bridge?
Who’s rowing today Jimmy?

Who said that? From what songs? And what albums? You’ll earn gold stars for all the correct answers.

Re: FWB’s read down:

As Mr. Big says to Carrie: “Sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.

I’m everything and nothing all at once. Can you handle me? I’ve been called a Wild Child, Bohemian, Enigma just don’t call me Donna Reed or Ma’am or label me, I’m not a can of soup.

Summer is here and I’m looking for an activity partner to hike, kayak, explore, dance the night away. Run wild by my side, enjoy the time we have. Or if we connect on a sexual level then that would be mighty fine as well but on a longer ride.

Here’s my little ditty regarding …:

I’m the one you never met,
But once you meet me
I’m the one you’ll never forget
I’m the woman of your desire
The one who will make your mind spin
I’m the woman who will set your heart on fire
If you’ll only, let me, in…

That’s all folks, stage left

PS. I love my 420…And I’m not talking about the area code. Granted when I first saw it I did wonder what part of the country it was.

But wait there’s more:

FWB aka NSA: Great Fantasy but it’s a Fallacy:

Only way it works if both parties don’t give a flying hoot about each aka void of emotional intimacy. That’s a fairytale because eventually someone falls for the other and it’s goodbye.

I love my freedom but I also love intimacy with the one I care about. I guess that’s a double edge sword. We all look great on paper (well most of us except for the faceless creatures & those who write nothing) but finding the one we want to know and enjoy being with is quite another experience.

Even though we lead busy lives I want someone who wants to make time for me and I will do the same for you. I want to be the great book you can’t put down and you are in full anticipation to see where the story leads. Every bend, every curve you want to explore the journey with me.

I’m of Transylvanian descent and a true Scorpio; that sums me up perfectly. Ha!

I’m worth the journey. Are you?
What I’m doing with my life

Enjoying this chapter in my life in the Rocky Mountain high: traveling, exploring, designing (helping people live the way they want in the now and the future), writing…living life on my terms…
I’m really good at

Do I earn a Gold Star if I tell?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Wait a minute I have to go check my record collection, be back in a …
Six things I could never do without

I always wondered why 6? Is that the magic number? 4 and 7 and 11 are mine.
I spend a lot of time thinking about

-Lobster Bisque (for those who are Seinfeld connoisseurs)
-What adventure awaits me.
On a typical Friday night I am

Whatever I want to do. It’s still a free country even though nut job is on the Toilet!
You should message me if

If you want to do more than window shop…knock on my door and say hello. I might just be home to open it.

 

Online Dating: The Like Factor: Dating or Whatever We Call It

Now that Trevor is gone I decide to move my zip code to LA to check out the online dating scene there. That’s where the beautiful, talented people are and I want to be part of it. Granted, I’m not physically in the town of cellulite heroes but emotionally, I am. IMG_4258

All of a sudden in less than 24 hours I get 100 likes. Over 900 likes in less than one month. Wow, that’s a record for me! The euphoria sets in which takes my mind away from him. Hey we all like to be popular, even though many of us deny it, we like the attention that is bestowed on us.

I equate it to TV show ratings. The more likes a show receives the longer it stays on the air. We are a society of wannabe popular folks. Look what happens when people like our FaceBook and other social media posts. From an early age we have birthday parties, Prom King and Queens, Homecoming Queens to Most Popular in our Yearbooks. Those who are popular get picked for everything, remember gym class? Pick me pick me. None of us wanted to be the last person standing in line. People flock to those who are well liked. It’s a pecking order.

As a child I was extremely shy and was not part of the elitist group of popular kids. At 5’8″ tall I was a scraggly 108 pounds. I felt like the ugly duckling, very unsure of myself and my looks. I never wore dresses because I was so skinny. I remember playing softball and this bully named Kim yelled “Hey Ostrich Legs” to me while I was batting. I still remember the sting of her words.

I was not asked to the prom nor did I have a boy friend in high school. I was an introvert with a small group of close knit friends. Even though I lost my virginity at the age of 17 to a lobster boy on an island in Maine I was not a popular kid in my hometown.

In September of 1984 after graduating from high school I moved to Fort Lauderdale and worked as a manager for my sisters friend. This is where I became a Wild Child. No one knew me and I was able to reinvent myself. The ugly duckling turned into a swan. I had a new persona and confidence in myself. Men wanted me and I wanted them. I couldn’t get enough. I guess I was making up for lost time.

Ugly Duckling turns into a Swan who has many suitors.
The Ugly Duckling has turned into a Swan

Maybe that’s why I choose online dating as a platform for conversing with men. As I lick my wounds, and say the word NEXT! I’ll show the world I’m liked. My pride and ego are at stake and being liked by strangers heightens my confidence on the dating circuit. After a few days of being bombarded by men, however, I’m becoming bored of the city of beautiful people and its time to move on to new cities and adventures.

 

 

Players: Dating or whatever we call it.

IMG_8150July 25th, 2017,

Trevor just informed me that he is going back to Arizona sooner than expected and isn’t sure when he will be back. He has to help his dad out and he’ll be traveling to see clients in the area. I thought he was going to be here until September but he’s leaving in a few days. Ugh!

We just spent a fantastic week together enjoying each other’s company, chilling, having fun, laughing, having amazing sex in all the unusual places. Sunday I met his friends and we tubed down the river which was my first time. It was a blast. My walls are coming down, not all the way down, but down. The problem is that I really like him.

I’ve been on a number of first dates in the past but when it comes to second dates from an online dating site that is a totally different story. I know it’s been a short time but we have been conversing since July 7 when he first contacted me. I’m outside his mileage area but when he was in my area he saw my profile and felt the need to invade my head.

We are great on paper and in person and that is very hard to find. I didn’t want to have this conversation so soon; where are we going? I told him what I was looking for: One person to be intimate with, to enjoy each other’s company. He agreed but didn’t want to hurt me. Apparently looking back I did all the talking and he just listened.

As I said goodbye to him I should have listened to the red flags. When I said casually “When you are in town give me a call, I would love to get together.”

“I’m not sure when that will be since I have so much stuff going on.” He said looking away avoiding my eyes.

Hmmm I thought. I looked at him as I kissed him goodbye, got in my car and drove off. I get it now, he was just looking for a good time even though he wrote in his profile that he was looking for one person in his life. I guess I’m not the one. I get it and it hurts.

That afternoon he text me a polite note: “Hope your adventures were fun today. I’m about to jump in the river. Then visit friends. Up early to head to AZ.”

I replied back with pictures of my adventures which included an old shoe with a nice text: Did you lose your shoes? Just finished the tour of the ghost town. Love the his/her story & architecture. Thank you for the 3 hour tour. I’m glad I met you and enjoyed chilling with you, you’re a cool dude. Safe journey, my friend.”

I also sent him a voice recording since I was driving: “I’m glad you knocked on my door and I was home to answer it. Even though it was a short time together, I really like you and I just want you to know that. Safe trip my friend and lover boy.”

He never replied.  This morning I saw that he changed cities on Ok Cupid. Boy that was quick. I get it. I really do.

I sent him a nice text this morning: “Morning. I hope you had a safe journey. I checked out the caverns yesterday, very cool. Good to be home for 1 day before next guests arrive. Take care my friend, hope you find who you are looking for. -Mrs Robinson.

No reply. He’s the guy who has his phone attached to his side. I could make excuses for him why he hasn’t responded twelve hours later, but I know: He’s just Not That into me.

I will chalk it up to a good time had by all and move on.

NEXT!

 

 

 

FWB’s in a Small Town: Fantasy turns to Reality

IMG_5481After sexting with Mitch, I put on my sexy red lingerie, black silk stockings and high heel shoes. He loves role playing and so do I. There is something sexy about living out a fantasy. A few minutes later I hear a knock on the door and a man says, “I’m here to fix your pipes.”

I open the door and smile. His blue eyes look me up and down as he comes towards me. I move to the left to let him in. Our bodies lightly touch as he walks by. I can feel my body respond.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice. I tried tightening the pipe but it’s still leaking underneath.” I say as I bend down to open up the sink cabinet doors.”

“I have the tools you need to fix it.” He says as he kneels down to look at it.

“I know that’s why I called you.”

“I need you to turn on the water so I can tighten the pipe.”

“Okay. Should I turn on the sprayer or the faucet?”

“Both to see where the leak is.”

I oblige, turning on the faucet and grabbing the sprayer accidentally spraying him.

Laughing, I coyly say: “Oh Sorry,  I didn’t mean to get you all wet.”

He jumps up as the water drenches him. “Sure you didn’t.” He says as he grabs the sprayer from my hand and puts it back into the hole. His clothes are soaked. He pulls me close, kissing me.

I put my hands on his chest and say breathlessly: “We can’t do this. My husband will be home any minute”.

“I’ll be quick. You’re so sexy and I want to be inside of you, now.”

I can feel his cock harden against my body. He picks me up and puts me against the wall as I franticallyunzip his pants, kissing him feverishly.

He guides his rock hard cock inside me. My body arches as I respond to his need. God he feels good. I let out a scream as I can feel him coming. One, two three more thrusts as he holds me close breathing heavily.

We are motionless for a few seconds before I unwrap my legs from his body.

“So you are the plumber I need when my pipes need fixing?”

“Yes.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FWB’s in a small town: The Other Woman-Part 1

I met Mitch on an online dating site a year ago. He’s 20 years younger than me but he, like many younger men, like older women. It’s the Mrs. Robinson scenario and I do play that up. We’re both in the same profession and he has a nice body,  tall, lean and good looking in a boyish way. We went out a few times in the summer, hiking and kayaking enjoying each other’s company.

The way he looked at me I could tell that he wanted more than a platonic friendship. On a hot summer day while hiking in the mountains, he offered his hand while I climbed over a log. As soon as he grasped it he pulled me in and kissed me. His sweaty body glistening in the sunlight felt warm against my skin. I responded in kind and in the middle of the woods we explored each other’s bodies.

We sexted over the next couple of months but didn’t see each other until my birthday in November. I texted him asking if he would like to do something with me.

He replied: ” Yes and no, I’ve started talking to a girl I’m gonna pursue at the moment. I would like to come over and play games with you but it might have to wait for the future.”

“Oh ok, it’s my bday & I wanted you to play with me. I hope it works out for you with her.

“Ooo happy birthday. Well you remember our conversation on monogamy and how difficult it naturally is?

“Yes. But if she’s the one I will step aside.”

“Well I just started getting excited. Hot in the kitchen and thinking of you. Home alone tonight too.”

“Yep naked under the sheets watching Camelot waiting for Lancelot to ravish me.”

“Wait naked? I want a peek.”

“But your maiden is waiting for you and I’m just a damsel undressed.”

“Not all knights are wearing a shining armor some of us get dirty.”

“How dirty do they get?”

“And even a gentlemen couldn’t resist helping a damsel undressed on her birthday.”

“Do you clean up nicely? And would you hate me or yourself in the morning if you came to my bed knowing you are pursuing another? What say you?”

“I think I might hate myself if I don’t.”

“Then cum over and bring your condoms.”

“Well ok then. I like the fantasy roll play you have going on. I’m imagining you opening the door with a flowing robe barely exposing wearing some very sexy lingerie.”

“LOL. You can christen my tiny abode.”

“I don’t think I should spend the whole night though, I may leave very early in the am.”

“That’s fine you can climb down the ladder to your charger and ride off into the sunset. Or follow the North Star to safety.

Does the fair maiden feel like she is a damsel because she is in need of a contractor?

“No. In need of a man.”

“Well, I happen to be both.”

“I know.”

“I’ve always wanted to role play where I’m there to check your sink plumbing, corny I know. You answer looking incredibly sexy, small talk, I check out your sink, you get both of us wet when I ask you turn it on, hopefully you have water and a sprayer. You insist I get out of wet clothes and…

“Hmmm…Lancelot, get on your charger and follow the long drive until you will see my gold chariot next to my home. Your mistress is waiting.”

 

 

 

 

 

The Art of a Great Profile for online dating

Online dating: If you want results put your best pictures forward and write a light hearted profile.

Source: The Art of a Great Profile for online dating

Reflections: Dating Or Whatever We Call It

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My lover who suffers from bipolar and holiday blues can’t deal with anyone’s drama so he ended our relationship. He’s going to be an island for a while. I told him I would not visit his island. We left it on good terms, but I still feel resentful to the way he ended it.  He does not know that though, my girlfriends on the other hand do, since I vent to them.

He was fantastic in November which I call Sweet November. Only one time was he a prick and he text me the next day apologizing for his behavior. I know he warned me about his holiday blues, but I was not prepared for the depth of his moodiness and withdrawal into his own world. He was a full blown dick in December except when he was with me and my horses. He was so gentle with them, it melted my heart. Why couldn’t he be that way with me?

I was willing to forgive him for being a prick because I knew somewhere deep inside there was a kind, fun soul. I was hoping that in January we could wipe the slate clean and start over. He withdrew even further after the New Year to a place I could not reach.

Apparently he could not forgive me for trashing his porch when I was irrationally drunk thinking that he was having sex with my friend. I had a full blown anxiety attack. In retrospect I should not have asked him if he wanted to fuck my girlfriend and he should  never have said yes. That was our downfall. Funny I could forgive his grizzly bear persona but he could not forgive mine.

Even though he was my lover/activity partner which meant no commitment I was jealous. I realized I liked him more than a friend and I do not play fair with other women in my sandbox. FWB’s do not work, it’s a lie. If we were in a committed relationship I would be secure knowing he wanted only me, but that was not to be.

I recently left New England and drove cross country to end an 11 year on and off again volatile relationship with Alex. My reasoning: I can’t go over to his house with this much distance between us.  He was passive aggressive with Bipolar tendencies and we fought constantly: Leo’s and Scorpio’s do not mix. We loved and hated each other, but the make up sex was great. Maybe that’s why we kept on going back.

I should never have become involved so quickly with Michael. I should have let myself heal before I became involved with another man. I told him the first day we met that we would be platonic friends. I caved that night when he looked deep into my soul with his blue eyes. I should have known. I should have run. Should of, would of, could of…

#CommunicationBreakdown: Dating Or Whatever We call it

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When communication breaks down, interpretation can go awry.

The world of dating is filled with mixed signals especially when it comes to what people say, do or not do. We end up reading between the lines and sometimes those lines are blurred. When it comes to texting our interpretations are based on insecurities. That’s why one has to put smiley faces at the end of the sentences so the other person understands what is being implied.

When I text and say; “I hope you have a great 2016 and I hope you find what and who you are looking for…” Does that mean I’m breaking up with the other person? What does the receiving party think? Could it simply mean; I hope you find happiness? Is there always a double meaning?

Since we now do a majority of communication via texting instead of using our voices, our rate of error to what the other person means jumps 200%. When I ask if I can pick up my map book and bandana does that mean I’m cutting ties with you?

I need my map book to understand the area so I don’t get lost. I need my bandana to keep me warm. That’s all, it’s not a sign we are breaking up. But when you then drop the items off in a bag on my door step without a note or a call, it’s a little unnerving. When I peek inside and I see that you included my toothbrush which I left at your house when I sleep over what do you think my reaction will be?

I didn’t ask for that toothbrush back. What are you trying to tell me? Are you breaking up with me? Giving a toothbrush back is a statement and not a good one. Negative connotations ring through one’s head.

It reminds me of the episodes on Sex & The City when Big drops off items that Carrie left at his apartment and when Berger breaks up with Carrie on a Post-It. What kind of communication is that?

Talking to girlfriends is our best defense. They always know the right words to say. My friend Alise who has the manic depressed boyfriend told me to text Michael the following;

“Thanks for dropping off my stuff. I noticed you also gave me back my toothbrush…Should I read anything into this?…Are we still good? Are you ok?”

I click send. An hour goes by and nothing. Finally I’m talking to my other girlfriend on the phone and Michael plays his turn on WordFeud, but no answer to my text. Hmmm… A few minutes later he texts back:

“Sorry  I just need some time on my own for a while to figure things out and get into a routine. I can’t deal with anyone else’s drama except for my own. I’m going to be an island for the month of January. Thanks for understanding.”

I wait a few minutes, gathering my thoughts and reply back:

“I’m going to get some help with my anxiety attacks and go on meds for them. I’m freaking out as well with my horse, finances, sister having cancer. I just left a volatile relationship of 11 years so I got issues as well. I hope you know that I have good qualities that outweigh the bad. You are a great guy. I won’t go to your island. I hope we can start anew in the Spring when we are in better places…Take care.”

His last response to me: “Cool thanks. I think you are very talented and smart. I just need to take care of myself for a while.”

I read it. Finally, a form of communication that I understand.

He’s gone.

 

 

#Lovers: Dating or Whatever You Call It

IMG_3026I know that I’ve been negative about my lover in my recent blogs but all in all he is a good person who is as troubled as I am. So in all fairness I have put a positive spin on What I love about him:

  • He’s kind and sweet
  • He makes me tea when he drinks coffee
  • He loves animals
  • He loves my horses, he’ll do anything for them.
  • He loves to ride with me even though he ends up with blue balls
  • He’s intelligent
  • He’s sexy
  • He’s a fantastic lover
  • He’s a wonderful cook
  • He’s artistic
  • He’s creative (can that boy play the guitar and piano)
  • He has an awesome voice, I could listen to it for hours
  • He has the bluest eyes which look deep into my soul
  • He’s  very handsome
  • He has a great smile which melts my heart
  • He loves the outdoors
  • We both ran away to this beautiful place we now call home (Island of Misfit Toys)
  • It’s amazing: He loves Donald Trump and thinks he’ll be our next President and I can’t stand Donald Trump, I’m rooting for Bernie Sanders. Even with our Political differences we still get along. Imagine that?
  • I’m middle of the road with liberal tendencies and he’s Ultra Conservative and we agree to disagree. Something must be in the air!
  • He’s my mini me (except for the Politics)
  • Could it be?? Is it…??

Stay tuned…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#Bipolar: Dating or Whatever We Call It

After a week of being together, Michael informs me he hates the Holidays which are right around the corner and that he is Manic Bipolar. Double whammy. I almost drive off the road.

As I compose myself, I try to lighten the mood and say with a smile; “Oh so you are Eor and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh?”

“Yeah that sums me up perfectly, that’s a perfect analogy.” He says as we both laugh.

My thoughts are far different then what I speak. Ove! Why do I fall for the Van Gogh’s, the troubled souls? Is it because they make life interesting? Is it my past that draws me to these men? My dad who I loved dearly was a womanizer and my mom was mentally ill. Is history repeating itself? Will I always find comfort in men who are incapable of loving just one woman? Am I destined to follow in my parents footsteps?

I really like Michael. He’s kind and sweet, well, when he’s not self absorbed in his own bullshit. He loves my horses. He’s so gentle with them. We both have similar backgrounds. He adores his mom but has a love/hate relationship with his father. I loved my dad but had a bad relationship with my mom. We grew up in upper middle class. We love the outdoors and animals. We love sex, the more we get the more we want. We are both intense and emotional. We are both loners. He’s a Cancer and I’m a Scorpio, according to the Horoscope charts we have one of the best relationships.

We have our differences though: He’s a right wing conservative and I’m more middle of the road liberal. But we respect each other’s opinion even when we spar. He loves talk radio and I love music (even though his passion is the piano). He has gigantic mood swings, while I wear my heart on my sleeve (most of the time).

I love his spirit. I empathize with him. I am connected to his soul. I feel his pain, his passion, his intensity, but does he feel mine? Will we survive, unscathed?

 

The Holiday Blues: Dating or whatever we call it

As the holidays are in full swing we are inundated with social activities, holiday music which starts before Thanksgiving, marketing gimmicks 24/7, and food galore. This is one of our favorite times of the year, a time to be with the one’s we love, but to others, it’s a time of great sadness.

My lover is in a full blown Holiday blues depression. He’s like Greta Garbo, whose famous line was: “I want to be left alone.” He has shut himself away from the world and it breaks my heart that I can’t reach him.

For the past four years, my friend Alise has been in a relationship with Justin who has severe anxiety and depression. I remember the countless calls as she cried over her predicament. I listened as she vented and gave her advice. It’s been a very rocky road but they have come a long way and now are living together. She stuck it out even though many times she thought about leaving. Her love for him kept her grounded.

I couldn’t understand why she stayed until now, now that I’m in the same leaking boat. I want to have fun and enjoy the holidays with him. He did drag himself out with me and his friends to cut down Christmas trees, so why can’t he be festive?

Am I being selfish to want to spend the holidays with him? I’m trying to understand where he’s coming from. I had a horrible childhood as well, but I do remember enjoying the Holidays. It’s taken me years to forgive my Mom but I’ve forgiven her, why can’t he forgive his Dad?

He’s in a new town, a new state, starting a new life with people who adore him, why can’t he let go of his past and forgive? Why does he let those who’ve hurt him win?

 

 

 

 

#Cougars on the Prowl: A Guide to Dating

My male friend who called me a MILF commented on girls night out as women on the prowl. Just because I’m going out with my girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m out to find men. I like to go out for the social aspect, a change of scenery. Yes, I like to look at good looking men, and I might even talk to them, but that doesn’t mean that I want to sleep with them.

IMG_0806If men go out to bars are they on the prowl or the hunt for women? Are they looking for that one night stand? Or are they just grabbing a few drinks and hanging out with their friends?

Why the double standard? Why are women labeled as Cougars on the prowl while men have free rein to do what they please without prejudice?

 

 

Getting back together with Big M the Stuntman after our first fight: Tales of Online Dating

I wake up on the day that I’m leaving for Bend Oregon, my eyes are puffy from crying. I think back to the previous days events of the fight, Big M leaving me, walking out of my life. I know he’s wrong for me, but for the last 2 weeks we were together 24/7. I’ve come to really care for him. He’s a down and out Actor/Stuntman living in a van with so much potential if he could just get one more commercial…

I roll over and his smell still lingers on the pillow. I breathe him in. As I get up I look around and see his phone charger and a few other items he left. I pick up my cell and call him and he answers. We talk and he says he’ll be over shortly. Half an hour later there’s a knock on my hotel door and I open it. I give him a big hug and hold him.

“I’m so sorry”. I say as I hold him.

“It’s okay I’m a broken down cowboy, I deserve it.” He says in a soft voice as he breaks away from me.

I watch him as he passes me. He looks dis-shelved. He picks up his stuff.

“Mark. Stay with me. We have a few more hours. Please don’t leave this way. Please? I plead.

His sad steel-blue grey eyes look at me and he nods and says “Okay”.

I smile and say: “If you want to take a shower or just lie with me you can?”Or, if you want to shower with me and make love to me, we can do that too.

He laughs as he comes over and hugs me. He feels good as he wraps his arms around me. We start kissing and I can feel him getting harder as I press myself against him. He smells good. He takes off my dress and caresses my breasts, kissing each one until they are hard mounds. My body responds to him and I moan. I’m very wet. I want him inside me.

I take off his shirt and unzip his jeans and slide them down his legs. Then I push him on the bed. I take off his motorcycle boots as he watches me. He’s fully naked and his manhood his straight and full. I watch him and smile, teasing him. I lean down and engulf his penis with my mouth. He let’s out a gasp. My tongue darts about touching it. My lips suckle his tip. My mouth moves back and forth from his base to the top sucking and caressing.

I watch him. His eyes closed and his teeth clenched. He tips his head down, opens his eyes and I smile. Then he grabs me and pulls me down. Now it’s his turn to pleasure me. His tongue darts in and out and suckles my clit. I can feel the tugging sensation with his lips and my body moves to him. I want him in me now.

“Fuck me Mark fuck me now.” I whisper as my back arches.

He gets on top of me and I help him guide him in. Slowly at first he thrusts. One, two, three he slowly goes in and out, then faster but controlled. I grab his ass and pull it towards me. I am so wet, I am cumming. My clit is pulsating and I can feel my walls gushing with liquid. I scream with pleasure. He feels so fuckin’ good.

He can’t control it any longer and I feel his sweet liquid pulsating through my body. We lie for a few minutes crumpled on top of each other.

“My juice box” He says with a grin. I kiss him and laugh.

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences.

Relationships are Like Socks: Tales of online dating experiences

IMG_8247Relationships are like socks. In the beginning they are always seen together. They feel good, enjoying each other’s company. Life is good. Then the days, weeks, months, and years go by and they spend less and less time together. One day you find that your partner is MIA just like socks that have gone through the wash. Single again. The MIA sock has attached itself to another article of clothing, never too be seen together again. Just like the relationship that has gone south.

Now you just have single socks which you put into the single sock drawer. Holding on to them just in case the other mate shows up and you will be together again. The socks are piling up.

Adding to your collection of single socks
Adding to your collection of single socks

One day you realize that sock is never going to appear and you make the decision to throw it out or use it to dust.

The life of relationships and socks.

 

 

Chilling with Big M: The Man who lives in the Van

After learning that my could be lover is homeless, I decide to let him stay with me for the next two weeks. I’ve been in bad situations before, never homeless but down on my luck. I believe in karma what goes around comes around. It’s not like he’s a stranger who I let share my bed with. We have been conversing via phone, text and IM/Facebook every day for the past 1.5 months. He just left out some major details, like being broke, can’t find work as an actor/stuntman, ex girlfriend issues and living in a van. The SNL skit The Man Who Lives Down By The River resonates in my head. Oy!

Does the man in the van have a plan? No Mam!
Does the man in the van have a plan? No Mam!

Would I have come knowing this? Driven 17 hours from Eugene, OR to LA? I don’t know, probably not. But I’m back in warm, sunny California so I might as well enjoy his company. He’s affectionate with a nice body, a great kisser and a wonderful story-teller. He talks for hours about his glory days as a stuntman/cowboy.

We stay at an Airbnb, in Rolling Hills Estates for two nights. It’s on the same street he used to live years ago when he was doing well. He gives me a tour. I hear cats meowing, but they are not cats. Big M tells me I hear peacocks. They are everywhere. It’s amazing. The last time I saw one was in Paris France circa 1992.

Peacock
Peacock
Peacock doing the mating dance
Peacock doing the mating dance

We head back to the guest cottage. As we are getting ready to go out to eat I hear his cry. I rush into the bathroom and he’s on his knees holding his neck. His face is distorted from the excruciating pain. The pain juts through the back of his neck where it’s debilitating him. He’s swears under his breath and slowly gets up.

He tells me he had a neck operation six months ago due to his moto/rodeo days. The pain comes and goes and I can see it in his face. There is nothing I can do and it breaks my heart to see him this way. I try to a help him as much as I can. Is there anything else that can go wrong with him? Seriously? There is a dark cloud looming over his head ready to unleash its fury at any moment.

Minutes pass and the pain subsides. Maybe having a nice meal will make him feel better. I take him out to eat. I don’t want him to starve. He’s not much of a drinker which is good (alcoholism runs in his family) and he doesn’t get expensive items on the menu. His idea of food is hamburgers from a fast food joint and ice-cream that’s his drug of choice.  Opposite from me. I like pubs and nicer establishments where I can sit in a nice environment and enjoy my food, drink and conversation without feeling rushed. I’m not talking about fancy just down to earth.

How can someone who eats like crap have such a nice physique? While I try to eat as healthy as possible but have a flabby tummy. Hmmm. He works out four times a week doing intense exercises. I think that’s the secret to looking good; those gorgeous abs attest to that.

Is this relationship going to last? What am I thinking? Maybe he will be one of those down and out actors who gets his big break again and turns his life around. You know the rags to riches story. It’s nice to dream, after all we are in California…

 

Secrets revealed: Little White Lies

I drive 17 hours to LA from Eugene on boring interstate 5. Now that’s my record of driving solo in one day. I arrive at my cousin’s house Sunday night and crash on the bed exhausted from the drive. I’m meeting M on Tuesday so I have Monday to rejuvenate my body and mind. The original plan is to meet at Rat’s beach at 4pm but I change it to noon. I figured we would play frisbee on the beach since that is our game of choice and just have a relaxing day. I want to see those fantastic abs in motion.

At 56 he's still has a body of a 30 year old
At 56 he’s still has a body of a 30-year-old

I arrive at the beach at 11:45am and scout the area. I head to the beach and text him that I’m here. No reply. Now it’s 12, then 12:10, 12:20pm no M. I am starting to get agitated. WTF. I text him and I call him, it goes into voice mail, so I leave him a message. Did I just drive 17 hours to see a ghost? Am I at the wrong beach? I don’t know this area. I ask someone and they confirm, I’m at the right beach.

Finally he calls me. He’s upset, he thinks we are meeting at 4. Apparently he forgot about the time change. After 5 minutes of him venting I intervene and tell him it’s okay. He hasn’t showered, he wanted to look good, just came from the gym. Yada yada yada. On a positive note I get to see him at his worst, might as well get that over with. He says he’s driving a van.

I’m envisioning a cool black van, what I see coming towards me is totally different. It’s a blue and white vintage van something that a hippy would drive. He waves to me, parks and gets out. Hmmm. A little different from his pictures, shorter and much older looking that I expected, he could pass for an old man. Time has not been good to him. The only saving grace is his beautiful eyes, smile and abs. We hug and kiss. I close my eyes and I see the beautiful man he was.

We play frisbee for an hour, laughing and being care free, then we walk on the beach hand in hand. I do like him even though he’s not what I pictured. He’s still good-looking, with just more wrinkles. His personality is a lot like mine: a firecracker. I am drawn to him, but I know that being an Actor/stuntman/cowboy has a lot to do with why I met him.

We head back to our cars and he opens up  his van to get some water. There is a lot of stuff in it. The truth comes out. He’s the man in the van who lives down by the river. He’s the man who lives in his van. That’s what he meant when he said he was in between apartments. Oy!

My heart stops. Man oh Man. He tells me that he moved out of his ex girlfriends house a few weeks ago and was staying with a friend for a bit but now he’s living in his van until he finds a place. I am a sap apparently. My heart goes out to him. Well while I’m here he’s not going to be living in a van, that would be cruel on my part. He can stay with me.

The Cowboy/Actor/Stuntman/Moto Dude

In the midst of a 6 month solo road trip I change my city and state profile to see if there are any guys I would like to meet. I change it to LA California. Of course there are many handsome dudes messaging me. One in particular stands out:  He is ruggedly handsome with steel blue eyes that stare deep into your soul.

I read his message and check out his profile. I’m intrigued. He’s a hotty. He’s an actor/stuntman/cowboy/moto guy. I like it. I love that he’s creative, passionate, and good looking. All right the Actor/stuntman was what got me.

He says he’s real unlike all the fake profiles out there, so I message him back and we email a few times then he gives me his cell number.  At this point I’m up in Jacksonville Oregon with lousy cell coverage. We finally talk. He has a deep masculine voice which matches his pictures. We talk for over an hour. I’m hooked.

I do check him out on the internet to make sure he is real. I find his name and it says he’s 5 years older than his online profile age. Hmmm. I normally don’t date people who are more than 5 years older than me, but I like him. I guess I can’t complain about that since my profile says I’m 5 years younger than my actual age. He has a Facebook page and we Friend each other. We talk everyday by some kind of format.

Look at those abs-Yum
Look at those abs-Yum

The fantasy of us together is building in my head. I could actually see us as an item. He’s everything that I want in a man and he rides horses that’s a plus, since I own two. Going to Hollywood parties and hanging out with this cool dude was part of the draw. We converse for a month and a half.

I’m now up in Eugene Oregon and he is still in LA. We are trying to meet. I have two weeks where I’m free. I look into flying down and renting a car but it’s too expensive and I would rather drive that sit in airports. We discuss meeting in Sacramento where he has friends, which is half way for each of us. That ends up not working out due to his work schedule: He’s waiting for a call back for a commercial.

He’s worth the journey. I have family in LA, so what the hell. I’m on a solo road trip where I can go wherever I want. If I don’t meet him I will regret it. My plan is to drive down the 5 from Eugene to LA. Stay with my cousin then head off to Palos Verdes Estates to meet him. He said I could stay with him but he’s in between apartments. I would rather stay at cute Airbnb’s cottages instead. We make the plans and I gather my stuff and head out to LA.

Online Dating. The Marketing Game: The witty profile and an all american past time picture

A so called friend told me about another online dating site. Curious girl that I am decided to check it out. My feeling; if you want to be noticed you must be creative, light heartened and funny. Why do you think Romance Comedies are successful? The following is my profile:

“Me Jane: Artistic, creative, impulsive, spontaneous and passionate are words which describe me. I’ve been called a Free Spirit, Bohemian, Wild Child and Enigma-those I don’t mind a bit. Girl in 3-D. Just don’t label me, I am not a can of soup! I am a true Scorpio-watch out!

Regarding my glove: It’s not on the wrong hand it’s on the right hand. Haven’t you ever seen a lefty? Hmmmm…

Who came up with those silly questions? Some of them deserve silly answers

I prefer to use my brain over a GPS. I don’t use or own one. I know so many people who can’t get out of their driveway without one. Crazy I say. The sun, landmarks and my brain show me the way. I find it so much more interesting when you don’t know what is around the bend. I am heading out. Do you want to come?

My motto: I don’t get lost. It just takes me longer to get where I am going…

To Whom it may concern:

You Tarzan: Are you easy on the eyes? Affectionate in public? A man with a brain (the Scare Crow); one who can have an intellectual conversation yet can make me laugh? Does anyone remember laughter? One who can stand at the plate and isn’t afraid to swing and miss? Are you passionate about life wanting to enjoy everything life has to offer? If this is you, come and knock on my door and say hello. Do you hear the theme song to Three’s Company? I would love to get to know you…

These are quotes that make me laugh:

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.
Henny Youngman

I am not looking to tie you down, chain you up & run you over with your truck and that goes ditto for me (except I don’t own or drive a truck – ME

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-George Carlin”

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Let’s be honest though, it’s the pictures which compel us to write to the stranger in the shop window. If we like what we see then we read or what we now call skim the profile. If the words and pictures capture us then we type a message.

My pictures are both fun and sexy. Nothing does more for a guy than a sexy picture of a smiling girl wearing a baseball hat of her hometown team (especially if it’s his team). That’s all you need-hook line and sinker.

Online Dating: Not Beauty and the Beast more like Phantom of the Opera-Serenity NOW!!!!!

Image
Can you see the face?

This hot rocker dude with the dated picture finally sends me an recent phone picture to my cell. His words are: “Nice knowing you. Take care.”  I am dealing with a 50 year old insecure child! SERENITY NOW! I have an old phone so the screen is tiny. Can’t see a dam thing. Granted it’s a far away blurry shot with his phone and his hands are taking up most of the picture. I upload it to my computer for a larger view. He doesn’t look like a gorilla. He has a black cap on (I guess to hide his baldness). His face reminds me of Steven Segal. I send him the following email:

Hey Scaredy Cat,
Your big hands & phone are in the way but the picture is not bad. You not a goat monkey! LOL! We have great emotional chemistry you never know until we meet. It’s how you laugh, the way you smile at me, how you look at me, the way you move, the way we connect, that’s all part of sexual chemistry, Why are you so insecure? You shouldn’t be. Actually you should be proud of what you look like now.
You are like the Edge-same hat.  I would like to meet you: I can’t tell from a picture if I’m attracted you in real life. Just chill.
M
I wait, no reply. The next day I open up my email and look at my phone. Still nothing. He apparently is so afraid that I will reject him on a physical level and he can’t deal with that. That’s why he doesn’t want to meet me. That’s lame. Even if I am not sexually attracted to him we should still be able to hang out as friends and enjoy each other’s company.
He finally texts me saying he hasn’t read my texts or email. He asks me to call him so he can hear my voice one last time. Am I dealing with Woody Allen”s neurosis here? Geeze Louise!
I text back: You are such a CHILD!!!!!
I will call him but I had to get this off my chest. It’s funny, sad and infuriating all at the same time. I will let you know how the conversation goes

Is this Beauty and the Beast? The online dating saga continues…

I took a break from online dating sites for a while, but decided to go back on to give it another try. I firmly believe that one must have an upbeat profileImage with updated pictures showing a fun loving person. I am very selective in whom I talk to. Something in their writings must hit a nerve or make an impression on me if I am going to waste my time conversing with them.

I see a dude check out my profile so I check him out. He’s a very cute young 50, with a creative career which I love. The photo is definitely dated. No way does he look like that now. Cool rocker playing guitar. I have to write. It’s in my nature to say what I think.

“Hey I saw that you checked me out so I have to reply. What’s up with that hot rocking picture? You look mighty fine for 50. I take it you found the fountain of youth?

He wrote back letting me know he loves that picture and he is eternally young.

Ha! We write back and forth finding out that we have very similar personalities and passions. He gives me his number and I call him. We talk for hours. I like his voice, it’s soothing. He’s intelligent and loves what he does; writer by day guitarist by night. I really like him but I still see a 30 year old guy. Very cute-who doesn’t like the rockers?

I ask him if he is a 500 pound bald gorilla with no teeth and he laughingly says he’s 6’2” 190 pounds, in shape man with thinning hair. Okay I get it. He’s bald.  I must admit I love hair, but then again I find the Edge from U2,  and Tim McGraw very sexy. Granted they both wear hats so their lack of hair isn’t magnified. According to him his body is the same as when he was young but he doesn’t look like his picture. Well of course he’s not going to look like he did 20 years ago. None of us do unless plastic surgery is involved. I want to see what he looks like now.

I have dated guys that I really liked who if I saw on an online dating site would bypass. But something in their eyes, the way they looked at me, the way they smiled, laughed attracted me to them. I have also dated beautiful model type men who were easy on the eyes but turned out to be assholes.

Looks are not everything but knowing what he looks like now is important. I tell him maybe we should just be friends that way it takes the pressure off if we don’t hit it off sexually. Now he doesn’t want to meet me. What is he afraid of? Why is he so insecure?  Is he the Beast from the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast? Is he that grotesque?

Ugh! What’s a girl to do?

Online dating: After being dissed-Playing it cool

Online dating: After being dissed-Playing it cool.

Online dating: After being dissed-Playing it cool

Justin & I have text back and forth regarding “The Summer fling thing”. Funny though he says that he would be jealous (Scorpio thing) if I date other men, but it’s not ok for me to be jealous or hurt by his words. Hmmm… My friend Sara tells me to give it 3-4 months before asking for a commitment. Funny thing I never asked Justin for a commitment but as soon as he said those words to me-I realized I did. I let my walls come down and now they are going back up.

The weekend is coming up and I post on FB asking for suggestions on where I can go for a weekend getaway. We are finishing the floors at my dad’s house so I need to be away from Friday-Sunday.  I plan on going away by myself. I am not calling Justin. No way…

On Wednesday Justin texts me asking if I want to spend Saturday night and Father’s day with him. His step daughter is having a Father’s day cookout. Since he asked me I respond; “k”. I text him that I will be staying at a hotel on Friday night and he invites me to stay with him Friday night as well.

I text back: a whole weekend together-are we going to get along? :^). He responds; “Yeah-it will be fine.”

I know this weekend is huge. Even though I am still feeling slighted I need to play it cool. I text: Hay hot & heavy can you handle 3 days of …?” He replies: “Not sure. U may change ur mind about me after this weekend. I respond: “Why will I change my opinion of u by end of weekend? Are u turning into a frog? Him: “Maybe I won’t keep up w u and ul decide im not so desirable.

I am hanging with my friend Mandy and I show her the texts. “Keep it light heartened” she says to me. Ok. I will I say laughing. I send him a picture of something silly and text him “I am not worried about u not keeping up w/ me. There r plenty of fun ways to get off…

Mandy and I laugh. “Keeping it light and fun is what I must concentrate on…

Online Dating: Words that haunt me

I am still reeling from the conversation with Justin a few days ago. His words still ring in my head like a broken record: “Summer is coming and if an opportunity presents itself I am taking it.” I need to talk to my friends about it. I will post the following question on FakeBook: “I am dating a guy that I really like who tells me he doesn’t want a commitment. What should I do?”

My friends answer the question. A few say he might be scared, just give it time, others say cut him loose because you want more than he can give you-a few likes with that one register from other friends. A close friend said give it 3-4 months. She says; “Just have fun-enjoy each other. He will come around.”

Justin befriended me on FakeBook and saw the post. He’s livid. He rattles off texts to me. “How dare anyone give advice that they have no clue too?” I tell him no one knows who he is. I posed a question asking for advice from my friends on my wall.  He is letting off steam. He says I should give it 3-4 months before jumping ship.

I know it’s only been 3 weeks that we have been dating. Rationally I know this isn’t much time. Why am I so hurt by the fact he doesn’t want to date me exclusively? Pride? Ego? From the moment I saw him I fell for him-at least sexually & physically. I’ve dated over 30 guys in the last 1.5 years and it’s always been NEXT! I am very choosy whom I date. I didn’t want a commitment-just casual dating.

All of it changed when I met Justin. I finally meet the guy that I can envision in my life for more than a few dates. His affection towards me is real-I know that-I can feel it. He acts like he really likes me and he tells me he likes me a lot. We talk about doing things in the future. I am confused.

His words haunt me. How can I have fun knowing he is going to dump me for someone else?

Relationship issues?

I was told by my past two lovers that I couldn’t handle relationships. Well they are wrong. Apparently they have no clue about a girl and her horse (s). I just spent the last hour out in the field in this f’in 95 degree heat adding new pasture so my horses could graze on real lush grass (Star & Locket are 13+ years-had Star since she was 2 months and Locket since she was 1.5 years old). What we do for our horses! If men only knew our commitment! Ha!
012

Date 4 with Justin-Is he letting me in?

cape cod birds nesting

Justin and I have been dating 3 weeks. We talk on the phone or text every day. Our 4th date is coming up. Originally he told me he wasn’t ready for me to meet his daughter apparently she didn’t like anyone he brought home. He didn’t want to deal with it. Things changed on the day we were getting together. A few hours before we were to meet he calls and leaves a message asking me to meet at his house. His 16 yr old daughter needs a ride to work. This way we have an unlimited amount of playtime. Yes I like this plan much better. I call him back and he tells me to bring my overnight gear. Hmmm…I like it a lot…

At 3 pm I arrive at his house and his daughter Julia answers the door. She is stunning just like her dad. She is a cool kid. I like her. “He’ll be right down” She says as she leads me to the living room. Justin saunters in. He is so handsome: Tall, chiseled, masculine. He gives me a bear hug and leans down to kiss me, smiles and says hello. I smile up at him.

“Julia are you ready?”

“Yep” Julia says.

“Let’s go” Justin says.

He drives a truck so I let Julia sit next to her dad. After we drop her off at work, we go to Mel’s Fun Park. We ride the Go-Karts – I leave him in the dust and then we play mini-golf. Very close game. Granted it took us a little longer because we were all over each other. He won by 3 strokes. It was fun to be silly and not have a care in the world.

“Are you hungry?” He asks me.

“Starving” I tell him.

“There is this pub with outdoor seating that we could go to?”

“Sounds good let’s go.” I say.

The meal isn’t anything special but being with Justin is. He is so affectionate. He has this habit of leaning over and kissing me. No matter where we are-he is so attentive. I love it. And when he looks at me with those hazel eyes I just melt. He is beautiful.

We get back to his place close to midnight. I have had a little too many drinks. We say good night to his daughter and her friends and head to the bedroom which is right off the living room/entry. He tells me we have to be quiet. I feel that we are the kids.

It’s hard for me to not be vocal especially when I am with a hot guy. I put my arms around him and we passionately kiss. He nibbles my ear, my neck and my breasts; suckling each until they are hard mounds. I feel my heart racing and I let out a moan. “Shhhh” he says. I can’t help it-he feels so good. I bite my lip and hold my breath.

He backs me to the bed and I instinctively sit. He kisses my stomach and then he pleasures me for hours. I am so wet. He makes me come so many times.  He is an amazing lover one of the best that I have had. We are both drenched but it feels so good as he puts his arm around me and holds me close as we drift off to sleep.

The next morning I wake up and he still has his arm around me. I turn and look at him. He opens his eyes and I smile. I tell him “I had this amazing dream-it was so real-we were doing a 69”. He smiles at me and says; “it was real-we did do it.” Then I remember and I laugh.

We start to kiss and I can feel him getting hard-morning sex-the best kind. I need no lubrication I am ready for him. He feels so good in me. He is just about to come when his daughter knocks on the door. She asks if she can take his truck to work. He tells her ok. Oh Man-getting caught by his daughter. We try it again, but she knocks again. Hmmm…I think she knows…

Journeyman (album)
Journeyman (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We hang out for the rest of the day, just chilling. We watch Eric Clapton Live and Running on Faith is playing. I am sitting on the couch and he walks up to me and puts out his hand-“Dance with me” He says. We slow dance in his living room. My head comes up to his chin. He holds me close and then I put my head on his chest and we dance. He is so tender. I am falling for him.

I drop him off at his daughter’s work so he can get his truck.  He comes back to the car and I get out. We are standing behind my car on the main street. He gives me his bear hug and holds me for what seems to be eternity. I never want him to let me go. As we kiss-I want him again.

After I leave I meet my girlfriend Andrea at Martha’s and we have dinner. I look down and I see a text from Justin: It says: Hope u made it home safe & sound. I really enjoyed our time together. :^)

He is so sweet. I am in lust…

The Big White Elephant

Time...
Time…

In my online dating profile I disclose that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am leaving New England soon to follow my heart to Oregon. It’s right there in black & white. When I favored Justin on the online dating site I wasn’t expecting him to follow up so quickly with a “Hi.”

We exchanged a few emails and then I gave him my cell number. My motto is let’s meet in the flesh. I want to hear his laugh, his voice; I want to see if he is everything he says he is on paper.

I wasn’t expecting to fall for him so quickly. It wasn’t my intention-just casual dating. We just had the best 3rd date ever, spending 24 hours together. He is so attentive-what a wonderful lover. I love being with him. I affectionately call him my CLF: Confidant, Lover, & Friend. My walls are coming down.

Of course it’s inevitable something always gets in the way-the obstacle that we must overcome. I call him on his way to work a few days later. He must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed because he starts in on me regarding Oregon.

“Are you really going to Oregon?” He asks.

“I don’t know. It all depends on where we are when my dad’s house sells.”

“I don’t want to fall for you and then you leave me. I’ve been down that road before and I don’t want to go there again.” I can hear the agitation in his voice.

I try to calm him.

“Justin I really like you. I wasn’t expecting too. My sister Ava says I would be a fool to leave you for Oregon.”

“She did?” He asks.

“Yeah. It’s just like Bob Seger’s song Tomorrow: “I can’t promise you tomorrow no one has the right to lie. Have you heard it?”

“No.” He says.

“Can’t we just have fun and enjoy each other in the moment and get to know each other? I ask.

“I guess you’re right. We don’t even know each other…” His voice trails off.

“Are we okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. I just pulled into to work. Talk to you later.”

“Okay” I say.

I am uneasy. The big white elephant is staring us right in the face. I can feel that this is not going to be the last of this conversation. Justin is brooding. The Scorpio in him will not let it lie…

First Night

“I’m starving. Let’s get a bite to eat.” Justin says as he’s zipping his jeans. “I thought you had plenty to eat” I said laughing. He wraps his arms around me, kisses me and smiles.

I take him to Bailey’s and we order lunch. “If we get to the gift giving stage I know exactly what I am getting you.” He says as he holds my hand. I am tingling. I still can’t get over how attentive he is. He leans towards me and says “kiss me”. I do. It’s nice. His hazel eyes look through me and I melt.

“And what are you going to get me?” I ask. “You will find out”…

That night after we graze the horses, he meets my sister, Ava. We all converse on an intellectual level. Good looks, a brain and very affectionate. A girl could get used to this. I notice that if I stand away from him he comes over and stands very close to me. I like him invading my space…I feel secure with him.

It’s getting late. We say goodnight to Ava and I lead him once again to my bedroom. I put my arms around him and we kiss. He feels so good. His body is soft and tender yet masculine. I love how he touches me.

I want him-I am so wet I can barely contain myself as I take off his clothing. He looks at me and I melt. His hard cock is perfect as I take him all in…I come so many times. He’s an amazing lover.

As I lie next to him after our tepid love-making he strokes my face and I smile. He looks at me. Jane has met her Tarzan…

Jason pof chest

Pros and cons of the one I like…

Mark POF doctor sales guy chestJustin and I are going on our third date. It’s been only 2 weeks since our 1st date but we talk everyday. I am starting to really like him. It’s funny on my online dating profile I said that I want to date but nothing serious. I want my freedom to do what I want without feeling guilty. I’ve dated plenty of men and it’s always been NEXT until Justin. Something about him-maybe it was that on his dating profile he wanted a long-term relationship. Hmmm…Could I do that? Could I be with just one guy?

He’s great on paper and in real life better. I’ve never met someone who I feel such a connection with. I start weighing the pros and cons. Pros: He has his act together, a great family, loves his daughters & they love him, a steady job that he is passionate about, he’s a builder, he is an ISEC (I made it up) Intellectual Stimulating Eye Candy, very affectionate (never had someone so touchy feel in my life-I love it), gentlemen (opens my car door). and I love being with him.

Cons: He is a Scorpio like me-very emotional. He’s controlling-he likes things done his way-Alfa-just like me-how can 2 queens run the castle? He analyzes everything to death vs. me-I am extremely impulsive-how can we get along in the long run? Yin and Yang. He’s older than me-I know 3 years but he is in a different decade. He loves women who are well endowed-I am not, I am small & perky. I think the last one is a major factor, because I am feeling insecure that I will never measure up to his ideal woman. I can see that driving us apart…

My walls will go up to protect myself and I will become unglued. It’s not going to be pretty. Even though he says it’s the whole package I can’t help but think that he’s just saying that to appease me…

Hmmmm…What’s a girl to do?

The Second Date-best ever…

Air Hockey I
Air Hockey I (Photo credit: Crashworks)

Saturday night I had the best first date ever with Justin Logan. I can’t help myself the impulsive girl that I am. I text him the next day and ask if he is allowed to go out on a school night. He replies with a grin, yes. So we meet for a casual fun evening at Boston Billiards. Now I will tell you right off the bat I can’t play pool but after a few cocktails I am a little better. Air hockey? I am queen. Fooze ball I suck but it’s fun to play.

I tell him that I will be shooting basketball hoops and to meet me at the little arcade. I am doing okay until he distracts me. I thought for a tall guy 6’1″ he would be a wiz at basketball but no. He gives me a hug. What a great hugger he is. Hmmm…We chit chatt for a few and then I suggest pool. We play for 2 hours and only 2 games. Apparently other things got in the way. We talk, laugh and flirt for most of it. Every time I go to line up my balls he would close in for the kill. “Go away you are making me nervous” I tell him. Geeze Louise-he is so beautiful I feel like a school girl around him. I think he knows how he can captivate his audience. He is vain and has an ego the size of Mt Everest…but he is fun to flirt with…

We are acting like kids-just laughing and carrying on. We are all over each other. There are sexual undertones going on. I ask him if he wants to play a few games of air hockey. He says yes. Hmmmm…He is in for a surprise.  I am going to whoop his ass…he deserves being brought down a few notches…

First game I win 7 to 4 next I win 7-0. Justin is a good loser. It’s getting late and I ask him if he wants to have a make out session in his truck. I know this is childish but I can’t help myself. We are in the middle of no where and I am curious to see what he is like.

Well when we finally say good night we both agreed that it was the best second date ever…That Justin Logan is one mighty fine kisser…

The Art of Kissing: A guide to online dating

The art of french kissing: If I’m sexually attracted to you I will want to kiss you and the kiss is the tell-tale sign of things to come…A great french kiss does not involve lots of saliva (no dogs drooling at the table) nor does it involve the limp tongue (dead fish) nor does it involve face sucking. It’s an art that is learned. It’s very sensual and arouses the senses.

“The Kiss” I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor, wrapping my arms around you as you pull me close. “I want to kiss you all over” by Exile is playing in the background. With eyes closed I slowly make my way to your lips. My mouth touches yours. I wait patiently for you to let me in. Slowly, you open your mouth. My tongue cautiously enters, prodding, feeling its way into the darkness. Our tongues meet and become one; dancing, caressing…

NO PRESSURE!!!!

Online Dating: My new profile on a paying dating site

I switched to a paying website to see if there was a better caliber of men who actually want to meet. It’s all a marketing game. Strategic positioning, changing pictures, profiles helps shake things up.  My current profile reads:

I am doing a search and this ad for coupons for the online dating site keeps on popping up on the bottom right of my screen. It reminds me of a small dog jumping up and down. I x it off and low in behold it comes right back. Doesn’t it get it I’m just not that into it….Hmmm….

Humor let’s our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route. I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up some from known unknown.

Come ride with me and leave your GPS at home. The trip is so much more fun when.you don’t have a clue to what’s behind the door or know what’s in the curve ahead. Carry on baggage is preferred when straying off the beaten path for new adventures.

Seek and you will find? A confidant, a lover, or a friend. All of the above would be a jolly old time as well. Run wild by my side. Be my equal but don’t try to tame me. I am looking for a man who is passionate in who he is and what he stands for. A man who is not afraid to stand at the plate and swing and miss. One who follows his own path, not what others tell him (society).

If you are intelligent, adventurous, fun, loves to laugh (does anyone remember laughter?), flirtatious, sensual, spontaneous…then come and knock on my door and say hello. Do you hear the theme song to Three’s Company? I would love to get to know you, especially if you are an ISEC.

Sexual Chemistry is a must…unless we are just platonic friends.

An Enigma, a contradiction in terms and a free spirit-the girl in 3D.

All around girl who is passionate in what she does and what she believes in. Not your average girl. I come from a creative talented family who believes in following dreams and making them a reality. A rebel with a cause. Don’t label me I am not a can of soup. The poem, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost is my favorite-the words ring true it’s what I live by.

Traveling, seeing the world is amazing. Interlaken, Switzerland is beautiful. The rivers from the glacier melts are turquoise blue. It’s off the beaten path, but well worth the trip. To see the sculpture “The Kiss” by Rodin in Paris up close is very sensual. Life is full of adventures, I’m heading out, do you want to come?

Here’s a little ditty I made up:

If I choose to love only you.
Your heart must be free to love only me

I will leave you with a few quotes; some that I made up and others from Authors unknown (If you know who coined it, let me know not no):

“Laugh at your own problems, everybody else does.”

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

“Some people hear voices…Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.”

“I never get lost; it just takes me a little longer to get home.”

“What’s the difference between a man and ET? ET phoned home.”

What’s up with texting goodbyes? Is the conversation over? Hello is anyone out there? Can you hear me? Hellllooooooo…

“I am not looking to tie you down, chain you up or run you over with your truck. That goes ditto for me except I don’t drive or own a truck.”

Smile you are on Candid Camera.

******************************

I will be changing it again very soon. It’s an interesting past time to say the least.

 

Texting: Where are your manners when it’s time to say goodbye?

"Tied Up"

What’s up with texting? Is there no etiquette to ending the conversation? See you, good-bye, enjoy, chow, talk later. Its’ like being on hold with no music. Did they hang up? Are we still having a conversation? Did they walk away and forget?

….Hello is anyone out there?Those who use texting as their only tool for conversation are those who don’t give a flying hoot about communication.  All right, there are exceptions to the rule.

  • They are in a bad cell area and texting is the only form of communication that they have (they must have Verizon).
  • They have been kidnapped and texting is the only form of communication that they have.
  • They are stranded on a deserted island and texting is the only form of communication they have.
  • They have lost their voice and texting is the only form of communication they have.

Oh did I say that before? Am I repeating myself? I get it.

One can text and then leave the other dangling by never saying goodbye or finishing the conversation.

Yesterday for example I was conversing with a guy from Match. His user name is Loves2Dive (I changed it to protect the guilty). He is a commercial diver which I find interesting so I emailed him and he responded. We conversed a few times and then he emailed me his cell so I called it and left a message.

Apparently he only converses with fishes not mermaids. After not hearing from him for a few hours (maybe he didn’t get the voice mail message) I text him. Heaven behold he replied right back via text.. Aaaahhh the text, hiding behind one’s words not voice. We exchanged a few messages and then nothing. The line went dead.

Patient as  I am. I waited. Well it was his day off as he said and that he was lounging about. Whatever….He couldn’t peel himself off from the couch, apparently. He couldn’t even bother saying he wasn’t interested. He could have said something. Something is always better than nothing.  It’s rude plain and simple. If I am not interested in someone I tell them. I say something to that effect.  When I text and want to finish the conversation I say: Talk later or see you, have fun, something as ending the conversation. Why can’t I get that in return?

So now I write about it. I get it He’s just not that into me. He is a collector of cell numbers. Hmmm….

Thank God for NEXT!

 

Texting: Deciphering the acronyms

SYMBOLS:

On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-) :( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. There is a new law that went into effect regarding word rage. In order to avoid rattling off nasty texts because we don’t understand what the other has said, we must put these :) symbols in so people don’t fly off the handle.

CAPITAL LETTERS:
I am told means that the person is UPSET!

And everyone’s favorite is, the
acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I
can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny
in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh
just like the laugh tracks on the comedy TV shows…

When someone text me LMAO. I thought he was telling me I was a lame. I had no idea that it meant, laugh my ass off.
LMFAO = laugh my fuckin’ ass off

Mark my words: Looking 4 my last kiss

What is it with fake profiles? Why do they seem to be so prevalent on online dating sites? Beautiful man checking out my profile. Of course I had to peek at his. Interesting, he’s a doctor with a PhD, black hair, brown eyes, a body to die for… Wait did he say he has brown eyes? Hold the fort. Let me go back to that picture. I swear he has green eyes. They look green. Hmmmm…..He says he’s looking for his last kiss. Is he dying?

 Curious that I am I have to write to him. I write a seductive note:

Are you the man who knows how to use his tongue in all the right places? I believe it’s called French kissing.

A man who can go the distance and can pleasure a woman not just in words but in actions?

A man who is passionate inside and outside the bedroom?

Hmmmmmm……….I wonder…

The pleasure is all mine.

******************

No response. I thought at least that would get his attention-he is a man or so I think he is. And as they say men have 2 emotions, hungry & horny. If you don’t see him with an erection make him a sandwich. I’m not sure who coined that phrase but I thought it was funny.

A few weeks later I see that he has changed his profile. He is now in sales/marketing with a high school diploma. Same pictures though & same interests. I have to write again. I can’t resist the urge to mock him.

HotChild2012

4/12/2012   2:11:25 PM

You are too funny! Your old profile said that you were in the medical profession and had a PHD/Doctrate degree. You also said that you were into french kissing and you could have sex 3 to 4 times/night and you were looking for your last kiss…

Now your profession is sales and marketing and you have a high school degree.  Your interests are the same and the picture is the same. But can the real….Please Stand up. You are looking for morals and honesty? WOW!!!!

I take it you were annoyed by all the women drooling over you due to your sex appeal and being a Doctor meant sugar daddy appeal to women.

“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.”

Have fun-to the boy who plays the lead in Catch Me If You Can

NJV1008

4/12/2012   8:00:20 PM

love to lic ur ass

Okay now. This guy is a total loser. On top of it he can’t spell-apparently he doesn’t use a dictionary-probably doesn’t know what one is. I can’t help but badger him. It’s the wise ass in me that is compelled to do so. I write back.

                                                               HotChild2012

4/12/2012   11:02:03 PM

Here’s a few on the quotes that I will share with you:

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.” –Groucho Marx

“We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at
least the truth that is given to us to understand.” –Pablo Picasso

Hey Doc: “Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?”

“100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”

All in fun with a little bit of sarcasm thrown in for good measure and some quotes
to ponder while you figure out who you are! LOL!

Enjoy the ride my friend, you might want to buckle up, you’ll never know what
potholes you’re going to fall into!

     NJV1008

4/13/2012   5:03:56 PM

I   would eat your pussy all night and fuck you with my face, fuck you soo good

Obviously this guy has some issues. I wonder if he does this with all women? Hmmmm….I will have to find out…

 

The Faceless Creature

Do those who hide behind their masks seek truth? Or, are they afraid of the perceptions of those who judge them?

Have you seen him? Does he look very similar to others? Apparently there are many of them. Can you tell them apart? Hmmmm….

I understand online dating is equivalent to the blind date. I know that many women say looks aren’t everything. But who are we kidding? To me it’s the whole package. I am not one to fall in love with a faceless creature. This is not “Beauty & The Beast”. My mind conjures up images of what I seek, what I fantasize about. His written words might intrigue me and I may converse for a time but I am curious to know what lies on the outside.

Sexual chemistry is not just his soul but his physical prowess. He doesn’t have to be a Greek god. I’ve met beautiful men who are eye candy but once the mouth opens, I just want to duct tape it shut. Nor does he have to be Zeus aka the upside down triangle but he shouldn’t be a weeble wobble but don’t fall down body type either. Taking care of the body is important to me. It means he wants a healthy body to keep him from death’s door.

The face is the window to his soul. It could be something as simple as his smile, or the twinkle in his eyes that captures my interest. I want to know more. Pictures tell 1000 words. I understand it’s not everything but it’s a start. I’ve spoken to the “No Face” and asked about his picture. The responses are the same. The picture is too small and the dating site won’t allow him to put it on. He’s not photogenic, he’s not… Why doesn’t he just tell me he’s in the witness protection program or wanted by the FBI? It’s the same thing. It’s an excuse to hide behind.

When one hides behind the mask it shows insecurity and deception. It also lowers the bar on trust. If you are serious about knowing who I am, show me your face.

To Pay or Not To Pay That is the ?

I was on a free online dating site;  but I wanted to know if there was a difference in quality of men on paying sites. So I signed up on a online dating site where one must pay for service.  My feeling is that if you have to pay for it you will want to meet in person. There will be less introverts and more extroverts on paying sites. That was my theory.  Boy was I wrong. It’s the same caliber of men just recycled-like the evening news.

When push comes to shove the majority of people really don’t want to meet in person. Online dating is fantasy land. “Ooh baby baby. let’s get it on.” It’s a video game. Texting, sexting, phone conversations, emailing, IM, video chatting whatever todays flavor, keeps people at arm’s length. It’s all the same mumbo jumbo crap. It’s better not to have to get involved with an actual human being. The thought of another horrible blind date is more than most can bear.

Sitting at home at our computer in our sloppy clothes, stuffing our face with high calorie food is comforting. Knowing that we can create the fantasy of what that person is like and our persona that we created is better than real life.

They: Who the hell are they and why are they so important?

A very popular online dating site is running commercials stating that 1 in 5 relationships start on their site. Hmmmm…. How do they really know that? Did they survey every single person on this planet aka Earth and ask how they met their significant other? Did they poll a number of people in the U.S? Did they poll only those on their site? I would like to know where they are getting their information? As we all know polls are statistics and can favor anything.  They can be skewed to favor what they want us to believe. Are we all suckers?

Let’s break down what 1 in 5 really equals. If 5 is 100% then 1 is 20%. 20% of people polled said that their relationships started on this online dating site.  However, 80% (over 3/4), met their significant other somewhere else. 80% is the majority. When you think about it-20% doesn’t sound that important. Anything over the majority would sound believable and could be taken seriously.

Why do they think we are ignorant? Are people watching to many reality shows? Are we in technology overload? Is this turning our fragile brains into strained carrots?

Who are they and how do they know? Are they more believable than you, me and I? Apparently they back up our stories, tales we weave. They lend credibility to what we are saying. They are our allies. They are our friends.

Can they match that?

Do they know how to match?

Texting aka NO Tongue For YOU-Why bother having one?

What is up with the Hynes Bridge detour signs in Amesbury/Newburyport? It should be called: Can’t get there from here. Whom ever put those signs up was having a little fun, at my expense. They were actually saying: I don’t want you to get where you are going which is right here so I am going to make it as complicated as possible for you to get there. I was so close but so far. :) Oh man! Have mercy on me now! LOL!!!

But apparently it didn’t matter because when one uses texting as a form of the only communication (men of a certain age under 56), lines get crossed and yada yada yada you know what happened with this story… What could have been a great, fun day turned out to be…NOT!!!…So boys & men if you are interested in me call me with your vocal chords…it’s very simple…When I call you to let you know that I’m on my way but have been detained due to a detour, call me back!!! My number shows up on your cell as missed call-voice mail. You know we have plans check the Gosh Darn phone! (I’m being polite for all those god fearing people out there).

Then I don’t have to wait around for hours at the place we are meeting (Not Your Average Joe’s in Newburyport, MA) thinking you blew me off. As steam or is it smoke? starts to come out of my ears and I’m getting very annoyed. Patience is not a virtue of mine. Have you figured that out yet?!

I’m thinking; “How dare you blow me off! You haven’t even met me yet, blow me off after you meet me!” So after a few drinks I start to rattle off nasty texts that I don’t mean because I’m mad at you. You get my point? Why is this so complicated? Life was so much easier before texting became the only form of communication.

I don’t want to be in a drama movie…LOL! I feel like Kramer: SERENITY NOW! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The waiting game

 

What was I thinking? A guide to online dating

"Tied Up"My observation regarding online dating. The only difference between online dating and a prostitute is that you are more likely to get something from a prostitute.

If you are into S&M then online dating is for you.

If you are in jail and have nothing else to do online dating is for you.

If you are an introvert, afraid of meeting people face to face, afraid of the phone aka using your vocal chords online dating is for you.

If you enjoy being lied to, stood up, blown off, online dating is for you

If you enjoy mind games, head games then online dating is for you

If you enjoy endless emails aka pen pals then online dating is for you

If you enjoy being viewed then online dating is for you

If you enjoy being hit upon then online dating is for you

What’s the difference between a man and ET? ET phoned home. Now guys if you don’t want drama don’t create drama. If you say you’re gonna call or want to get together…Do what you say..Don’t lie by blowing/standing us up. Honesty goes a long way. Women don’t want to hear your excuses why you couldn’t make it…The dog ate my cell phone. I got tied up and…I understand there are a few exceptions to the rule; you were kidnapped, in jail (no phone privileges), hit your head & have amnesia, stranded on a deserted island w/o cell service. I get it. As I said our time is just as important as yours so have a little R E S P E C T !!! BTW: The least you can do is call- I’m sorry goes a long way. Is it clear enough to the boy who cried wolf? NEXT! SERENITY NOW! Just the Scorpio in me!

Silly conversations with men & my observations about online dating

ImageHere’s a conversation I had with a guy recently and it went like this:

Me: “You’re like God. The first 4 days you ride your bike, the 5th day you go to the gym and the 7th day (Sunday) you rest. But what do you do on the 6th day?”

Him: “It’s a secret!”

Me: “Well I will have to ask God about that! Because, God spelled backwards is Dog. And dog is man’s / wo-mans (woman’s) best friend and she will tell me because women can’t keep secrets for more than 32 minutes!”

************

I saw this on the Internet (no author) and I put it into my HotChild2012 profile because men like to laugh and they like women who have a sense of humor: “This note was on a restaurant door: “We are closed due to short staff” Then someone wrote underneath it: “Hire taller staff cuz I want a taco.”

**************

My observations: Men & women are like socks. They are great as a pair, but once you wash them they never appear together again. Eventually you find a sock attached to something else-just like the demise of a relationship.

**************

Humor lets our guard down, it’s a way into the front door-but once we are in, we are already looking for our escape route.

**************

I am constantly changing my profile to reflect: Musings, humorous lines, conversations because that is life and it is who I am. BTW: A Long profile weeds out men who can’t read more than a word or a sentence :) You will be quizzed. These make me laugh, some that I made up & some from known & unknown

************

Chatting on-line is equivalent to chatting with a stranger on the street. We may say hello & chat, then go our separate ways, never our paths to meet again. If I don’t respond to you it means I’m not into you. Don’t keep on writing or write nasty notes to me. Hey kids can’t we all play in the same sandbox? Geeze Louise!!!!

LOL…:-)

Date with TallSouthernBoy: Is he as good in real life as he is on paper?

I’ve been chatting via email, texting & sexting with Aaron aka TallSouthernBoy for over a month now. I have yet to converse with him via vocal chords. I find this unsettling because I always conjure up images in my head about the guy and how his voice resonates. And when I finally meet him my fantasies come crashing down. The human voice seals the deal. He could be the greatest guy but if his voice irritates my senses (finger nails on a black board) then I can’t get past that. My sensitive ears and soul oh my. I am rambling must get back to the date with Aaron.

He texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him in Boston at a new hip restaurant. I agreed. Since he doesn’t have a car, I would drive into Cambridge and park at Alewife, take the Red Line to Park then the Green line to Copley. As the day approached I felt like a  school girl getting ready for her first date.

My friend Chloe, a hair stylist gave me a great cut. Since Aaron’s favorite turn on is thigh high black nylons I went to Macy’s to get a few pairs (runs are common so one must get more than one for that just in case). I was meeting him at 7 pm and it was already 5 pm. Okay one more glance in the mirror-You look smashing-go get him.

Of course best laid plans always go off with a hitch. I breezed right into Cambridge but it became a parking lot a 1/4 mile from Alewife. It took me almost a half hour to park-I could have walked. Found a place to park and ran to the train. Apparently MBTA decided to make my life a little more complicated-No more people at the ticket counter-machines only. Ugh. I just want a token to get me on the damn train. Nope machine is being difficult. 10 more minutes pass. It’s close to 6:30. My phone is ringing-its Aaron I answer and I hear his voice for the first time. It’s soothing to the ears-phew. He just got to the restaurant and wanted to know my ETA. Hopefully 7 I hear myself saying as long as the trains behave.

Famous last words. I get on the RedLine and it stops for 10 minutes in the middle of nowhere. I finally get to the Green line and apparently I am on the wrong side of the tracks. I race to the other side (heels were not made for running the 100 yard dash) and get on the overcrowded sardine train.

Arriving to my destination at 7:15, I see Aaron sipping wine at a table. He looks around and sees me and smiles. He stands up yes he is quite tall 6’4″ could be a little taller due to the cowboy boots he is wearing.  We size each-other up. He has gained about 40 pounds of fat (his pictures are of a sexy athletic man). He’s growing some kind of fuzzy beard. He reminds me of John Adams (the President). Okay. Maybe I can get past this-since he’s quite intelligent and sexual.

We hug and sit down. He asks me if I would like a glass of wine and I order a Riesling. We chat for a bit. It’s apparent he is an  arrogant son of a bitch. He’s talking about how Americans don’t appreciate Architects and he has to go abroad to South America because Americans can’t afford him.

I have this feeling of throwing my glass of wine in his face and walking out but I refrain. I am famished and drinking wine on an empty stomach is making me light-headed. He asks if I’m hungry-I tell him that I’m famished. “There’s a great little pub around the corner that serves great home style food” he tells me (the one good thing he has told me all night).

I smile and tell him that sounds good. Let’s go. We walk a few blocks to the pub making small talk along the way. Dinner is uneventful he talks more about himself and my mind starts to wonder. Finally dinner is over. He asks me if I want to see his projects at his apartment which is a block from here. Instead of saying what’s on my mind, I tell him yes.

He pays for dinner and we leave. I would like to leave without him as well. But I did spend 2 hours getting here I might as well try to enjoy myself. Maybe his projects are worth it. We arrive at his studio apartment and he shows me his designs & prototypes.  Interesting but useful? Hmmmm. The jury is still out on that.

Then he turns around and kisses me. My eyes are closed (I can’t bear to open them) and we kiss. I’m thinking of his pictures he was eye candy-so cute. Maybe just maybe he is a good kisser?

Nope. He kisses like a dog at the kitchen table aka the wet kiss and the limp tongue aka the dead fish. I open my eyes and see him for what he really is. I can’t do this. I push him away and put on my coat and tell him thanks for the evening but I have to go. I literally run out the door. I felt as though I had a panic attack-I couldn’t breath.

I’m on the redline heading back when he texts me and asks me what is wrong. I contemplate what to say. Finally I text him back. Oblivious to my surroundings I look up. The train has stopped and it is void of people. I’m dressed in my long red coat, black dress, and heels. I have my new cell phone in my left hand as I peer out of the train. All of a sudden the doors close on me and my cell phone drops from my hand. I kick it with my left leg-it reaches safety away from the tracks.

A passerby comes to my rescue. I ask him to retrieve my cell phone for me. He picks it up and puts it back in my hand.  I am still stuck in the door flailing about (half in half out) what a sight I must have been. Finally the doors open-I am free. Being stuck in the door was the highlight of my bad date. It was the funniest thing that happened to me all night.

LMAO

Online dating: Sexting aka Talk Dirty to me…

Image

TallSouthernBoy finally called me on my cell, but not via vocal chords; texting. Apparently texting is the new voice. NO TONGUE FOR YOU! Why bother having one, if you only know how to write in codes not real words or speak via vocal chords! BTW: I’m being sarcastic can’t you tell?

This is a funny quote (I’m not sure who wrote it but it makes me laugh): “I want to suck you, lick you, wanna move my tongue all over you…wanna feel you in my mouth. Yep, tat’s how I eat, an ice-cream.

Haha! :-)

Texting or Sexting:  Conversation between HotChild2012 and TallSouthernBoy:

TallSouthernBoy: “Stuck at school working on a project, thinking of you-can’t stop.

HotChild2012: And what are you thinking about?

TallSouthernBoy: I’m thinking about kissing you all over, feeling your warm skin against mine.

HotChild2012: Hmmmm…You feel good. I wrap my arms around you and pull you close while “Kiss You All Over” by Exile is playing in the background

TallSouthernBoy: I unbutton your blouse and undo your bra and cup your breasts, bending down and kissing, suckling each one until they are hard mounds.

HotChild2012: MMMmmm. My body is swaying. I bite my lip and arch my back. God You feel sooo good. Keep on doing it…

TallSouthernBoy: Whatever you want…I will do. My cock is getting so hard…

HotChild2012: I reach down and feel the outline of your cock- hard against my body

TallSouthernBoy: God I want you…

********************************

Our first sexting that was fun; can we do it again? I’m all hot and bothered. LOL! I just hope he is as good in real life as he is on paper…

My online profile on a popular free online dating service and the results.

HotChild2012 profile:

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” -Steven Wright.

According to … I have no personality! They are judging me without even knowing me! Hmmmm. I refuse to subjugate myself to a fish type! LOL! -JK Hars

“Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

Musings, humorous lines, conversations and or observations that make me laugh from some that I made up and the rest from others (If you know who coined the phrase please let me know – I saw them on the internet without the Authors-too shame!)

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

“I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.”

“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”

Are you getting the hint? Intelligent, passionate, fun-loving, adventurous, all round girl who’s in need of comic relief. I can’t take anymore drama (okay maybe a little to shake things up)! Looking for (a girl can dream can’t she?) a man who is…Ideally: ISEC. Physical attributes: Eye Candy who makes my heart skip a beat-easy on the eyes. One who is fit-in shape (not upside down triangles but no weeble wobbles but they don’t fall down body types either). One who can keep up with me in the… One who has more hair on head than on rest of body (not bald-No Kojaks, no George Constanzas). And most important a full set of healthy teeth for smiling-no toothless rotted teeth grins).

Emotional attributes: Must have Passion. Sexual attraction/chemistry is a must if we are more than friends. A brain and a wit (No male bimbos need apply or Mimbo as Jerry Seinfeld says to Elaine):) One who makes me laugh and makes me kiddy and giddy. Flirt with me.

Run wild by my side, but don’t try to tame me. Be my confidant, my lover and my friend.

I want to be the great book you can’t put down…

If you can do all this, on paper and in real life then we will have the time of our lives.

BTW: I am really 46 years young, 130.5 pounds and 5′ 7 1/2″ short. I am not ready to be put in the box that says 46-54. I don’t feel it or look it. So there! LOL!

“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.” (unknown)

fenced cows
This fence keeps the cows in

Even the days of the week spell WTF (W)ednesday (T)hursday (F)riday. WTF is up with … and their picture rules? UGH! So silly. Stupid rules need to be broken…SERENITY NOW!!! Also I had a great picture of a fence that looked like cows they took it off but I put it back on…Rebel with a cause! What a riot….!

By the way 8 pictures of the same, me, myself and I in different locations and poses? Hmmmmm… Now that’s original! :)

If you got this far, then you don’t have ADHD (creative types I understand) and you can read more than a sentence that’s brownie points for you. :)

On the new language: I just found out a few months ago what :) and :-( means. I had to ask a friend who has kids to decipher the codes. Apparently we can’t understand emotions with words so we have to add symbols to it. CAPITAL LETTERS I am told means that the person is upset. And everyone’s favorite is, the acronym – LOL (laugh out loud or lots of love) depends on who you talk 2 (I can’t spell out two or too or to its to long). Hehe haha (that means it’s funny in case you don’t understand how to laugh. I need to tell you when to laugh just like the laugh tracks on TV comedy shows)…Hmmmmmmm……………..

First Date

I don’t drink coffee so that’s out-well you can drink it, I am not your mother. :) Casual atmosphere, no pressure just great conversation and laughter. Keep it simple…

***************************

Results of my long profile with pictures. I have received 11 emails from men. Let me take a look. Some men have actually read not red the whole profile, before messaging me. Kudos to them. Others have just looked at the pictures and obviously not read my profile. Hmmmm….I must weed. There are revisions in the works.

What is it with spelling and grammar? Yes I know I’m not the best in that field but at least I try. When I don’t know how to spell a word I look it up in the dictionary (the kind that actually has pages that turn as in a book).

Many men on this site don’t know how to spell or take the time to look at what they wrote before they send it off to me. That is a turn off. So moral of the story: read my entire profile. If you want to send me a message please use the spell checker or a reliable dictionary and make the corrections before you send it to me. I will respond in kind. I know I am venting but don’t you hear the sarcasm in my rants?  Ugh!

Three messages from married men. What is up with the stray dog? Apparently he isn’t neutered. Not happy? Get a divorce.  I have no desire to be their psychiatrists or their fools or both. I must block them from contacting me.

Who else has written? This guy sounds interesting: TallSouthernBoy: 29, Boston, MA, educated-going to school for his Masters in Design, has traveled outside the U.S and he is very cute. He wrote: Hello, You have a very interesting profile. I think it’s one of the longest I’ve read. :) It’s actually amazing how similar our interests are. One horse lover to another. Hope to hear back. – Aaron

I think I will have to write back to this cowboy…a boy after my own heart…

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Next post conversations with TallSouthernBoy

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-)

Online Dating: Creating the catchy headline & profile..:-).

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